What You Want Most
by JAGNikJen
Summary: Mac is attacked while on a case. WARNING: This is not a M/H shipper fic. This could also be considered inspirational as Mac finds God. If you're not into that, don't read it. Or skip to chapter four, most of the heavy duty conversion stuff is over.
1. Chapter 1

A/N1: This story is rated PG-13. Although it does deal with rape, there is very little graphic detail of the actual assault. This story also finds Mac on a spiritual journey as a result of being raped. This story contains scripture references, as well as discussions about God and Jesus Christ. (Actually, Mac finds God.) That said, I don't want any irate emails - disclaimers have been posted. It's now your choice to read or not. On the other hand, if you have any comments on how I've presented the Christian aspect of this story, whether positive or constructive, I'd love to hear from you.

A/N2: It began as a way to write Catherine Bell's pregnancy into the show. It then took on a life of its own. I dedicate this story to my kindred JAG spirit, Leigh Anne, even though she's a die-hard Mac and Harm shipper.

A/N3: Many thanks to Suzanne Moore for her beta-reading, comments, and suggestions, and for her always-encouraging words.

Disclaimer: I do not own JAG, Harm, Mac, Bud, Harriet, et al. I have earned nothing from this endeavor but the joy that comes from the writing and the possibility of some feedback.

~*~*~

Chapter One

1238 Zulu (0538 CST)  
Marine Corps Detachment Fort Leonard Wood  
Ozarks, Missouri

Mac slipped into her black nylon jogging shorts and pulled her Sgt. Joe Dutch tee shirt over her head. After double-knotting her sneakers, she grabbed her keys and left her room at the VOQ.

Her investigation was not going well and Mac thought a good run would be just the thing to clear her head and purge her body of the stress.

At 0541, the sun was just peeking through the trees, and Mac relished the cool air. Early mornings in Missouri, even in August, were relatively cool-between sixty and seventy degrees. After warming up for ten minutes or so, Mac set out in an easterly direction in order to enjoy the full impact of the sunrise.

The pink fingers of the clouds spread out across the expanse of Missouri sky. As Mac marveled at the brilliant display of God's handiwork and contemplated her day, Mac failed to hear the second beat of pounding footsteps behind her.

The snap of a twig finally alerted her to another's presence and she gasped in fright. She turned in time to see another jogger-female-pass her on the trail. Mac smiled as best she could, but her heart was beating so hard that she veered off the trail and over to a fallen log to calm her erratic heartbeat and ragged breathing.

She jogged in place for a few moments before finally taking a seat on the log. Mac inhaled deeply a few times to steady her breathing. She looked up at the sky and took another deep breath.

A hand snaked around from behind and clamped over Mac's mouth as a burly arm grabbed her around the waist and pulled her backwards into the trees. Mac kicked and scratched at her abductor the best she could, finally biting the man's hand.

"Ouch! You bitch," he growled in her ear, but didn't loosen his grip. After dragging her about twenty feet, he threw her to the ground.

Mac landed with a muffled thud on the underbrush and struggled with her attacker to try to get away. The man pulled at her shirt, trying to rip it off. She fought as hard as could, pushing against his chest. He finally backhanded her just enough to set her off-balance so that he could get a better grip on her.

Her strength began to wane, but her Marine spirit was loathe to give in. She ceased struggling for a few moments in order to gather her strength for another attempt at breaking free. In that moment, the man stripped her shirt off.

She took as deep a breath as she could and tried to angle her knee into the right position to hit his groin. Unfortunately, he was anticipating her move. He pushed her to the ground with a hard shove, her head banging against a stone. The blow was enough to severely dull her wits, and her efforts to defend herself became a challenge. She struggled to memorize her attacker's features, height, and build, but the darkness continued to close in on her until she finally blacked out.

Mac awoke several hours later. She struggled to sit up, but fell back to the ground with a low moan. Her head was throbbing and her whole body ached.

"Oh, God–" she murmured as the memories of her assault flooded her mind. She rolled over to her side and vomited.

After she emptied her stomach, she lay quietly for several minutes trying to assess any physical damage. She tried to figure out how long she had been passed out, but her internal clock was not functioning. She'd be better able to tell once she left the darkness of the trees and could see where the sun sat in the sky.

She sat up again and realized that she was completely naked. Mac wretched again, realizing the full implications. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and looked for her clothes. They lay in small heap a few feet away.

She was thankful that neither her shirt nor her shorts had received much damage. Unlike her under things, which looked like they'd been torn off in aggravation or impatience. In fact, her ribs and hips felt raw and sore.

She eased her clothing back on, but had to lie back down for a few moments until a bout of nausea passed.

Finally deciding that she was physically capable of making it back to the VOQ under her own power, Mac struggled to her feet, moaning and groaning the whole time.

It took a good thirty minutes for Mac to limp back to the VOQ. She earned several curious looks, however no one offered any assistance except for one compassionate petty officer and Mac politely refused.

"Colonel MacKenzie! Are you all right?" exclaimed the sergeant behind the desk as Mac collapsed into a plastic chair that had seen better days.

"Do I look all right, Sergeant?" Mac asked wearily, idly wondering in the back of her mind how her hair must look. Probably full of leaves, twigs, and pine needles, she thought. "Call the MPs. I was attacked while out on my run."

The sergeant's eyes widened as he regarded the disheveled officer in front of him before scurrying off to do as he was bid. "Yes, Ma'am!"

Mac leaned her head back against the wall and took a deep breath. Her heart was still beating rapidly.

"Would you like some water, Ma'am?" asked Sergeant Moran, gently, a few minutes later, offering her a bottle of water.

"Thank you, Moran," Mac replied, mustering up a half-smile. She accepted the bottle of Evian and took a long swig.

"The MPs will be here momentarily," Moran told her.

Mac nodded and closed her eyes.

Once the MPs arrived, Mac related the incident as best she could, apologizing profusely for not being able to remembering more details. About an hour later they were finished and the staff sergeant suggested she go to the infirmary to be checked out.

"That's not necessary, Staff Sergeant," Mac insisted.

"I'm afraid it is, Ma'am. SOP," he told her. "A car will pick you up in twenty minutes. Please call your CO to inform him or her of your delay this morning, but don't shower or change."

"I outrank you, Staff Sergeant Johnson. I could refuse."

"And I could charge you with DDO," Johnson replied. "In these types of situations, I have the authority to issue this order. You're a JAG; you know I'm right. Please, Ma'am."

Mac finally nodded. Better here than in Washington, she thought, although the paperwork would eventually end up in her personnel file.

She trudged slowly up the stairs to her second floor room and sank onto the edge of the bed and picked up the phone with a trembling hand.

"JAG Headquarters, Admiral Chegwidden's office. How can I help you?" asked Tiner across the phone line.

"Tiner, this is Colonel MacKenzie. I need to speak with the admiral," Mac said as evenly as she could.

"He's in a meeting with Commanders Rabb and Turner, Ma'am," Tiner replied.

"Tiner, unless the admiral specifically told you not to disturb them, I need to speak with him, and I need to speak with him now." Mac's voice turned more Marine-like with each word.

Tiner realized something was up and that he had no choice. "Yes, Ma'am. One moment."

A few moments later the admiral's voice boomed onto the line. "Colonel MacKenzie, this had better be good!"

"Mac, what's going on?" asked Harm.

The admiral obviously had her on speakerphone. "Sir, respectfully, could you lower your voice and take me off speakerphone?"

Harm and Sturgis exchanged a glance at the sound of her voice. It didn't sound quite like the Mac they knew.

The admiral picked up on it, as well, and picked up the receiver. "Colonel, are you all right?" His voice was considerably lower in volume.

"Admiral, I understand that both Commander Rabb and Commander Turner are in your office."

"Yes, they are, Colonel," he replied, concernedly.

"Admiral, what I have to tell you is classified."

"They both have cleara—"

"This is personal, Sir."

"Oh. I understand. Hang on."

Mac could hear the admiral's muffled voice telling Harm and Sturgis they were dismissed.

~*~

Harm and Sturgis looked at each other in concern as they passed through Tiner's office into the bullpen.

"I wonder what that was all about," remarked Sturgis.

"I don't know," said Harm darkly, "But I don't like the sound of it."

~*~

"What's going on, Colonel?" the admiral asked gently when he came back on the line.

"Well, Sir–"

"Mac, what's going on? Are you all right?"

Mac took a breath and said, "Yes and no, Sir. I was attacked this morning while running-"

"My god!"

"I'm okay, Sir, really, but the MPs are insisting that I go to the infirmary and get checked out."

"Damn straight," the admiral agreed. "Do I need to send someone to take over for you?"

"No, Sir," Mac replied indignantly. "I can complete my assignment. I just wanted to inform you that I'll be delayed and why."

"Very well, Colonel, but if you change your mind, let me know," Admiral Chegwidden told her.

"Aye, Sir. And Admiral—?"

"Yes?"

"Please don't say anything to Comm—to anybody."

"He should know, Colonel."

"Yes, Sir, but I'd rather tell him face to face."

"All right. See you when you get back, Colonel."

"Aye, aye, Sir."

~*~

1225 Zulu  
Bethesda Medical Center  
Two weeks later

"So Colonel, are you still having nightmares about your attack?" asked Captain Pritchard, a Navy psychologist.

"No, Ma'am. The last one I had was the night before our appointment last week," Mac replied.

"Good, good–" Captain Pritchard jotted a few shorthand notes on her notepad. "And have you told Commander Rabb about what happened?"

Mac shook her head.

"Colonel, we discussed this. As your partner and your– friend, he needs to know," admonished the captain.

"I know, I know. I just can't figure out how to bring the subject up."

~*~

1349 Zulu  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia

"Let's go over this one more time, Lance Corporal," Harm insisted impatiently to his latest client, Stephan Carter.

"It's like I told you, Sir," began Carter. "I—"

"Harm—" Mac called as she entered Harm's office. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't–" Her voice trailed off and her eyes widened in fear and then shock. Her face paled visibly.

Looking from Mac to his client and then back again, Harm asked, "Mac, what is it?"

Mac backpedaled quickly out of Harm's office.

Harm jumped from his seat and hurried after her. "What is it? What's wrong?" he asked, grabbing her upper arm.

Mac finally dragged her eyes from Lance Corporal Carter and looked at Harm. "It's him," she whispered. "He's the one who- Harm!" Her cry of alarm got everyone in the bullpen's attention.

"You sonovabitch," growled Harm. He had Lance Corporal Carter pinned to the wall by the neck with a vice like grip.

"Oh my god!" Harriet exclaimed, holding her hand to her heart.

Mac's shout had alerted everyone, including Sturgis who tried cajoling Harm into letting go of the lance corporal.

Harm paid him no mind and continued to hold the lance corporal, who easily outweighed him by a hundred pounds, and watched almost gleefully as he gasped for breath.

"Commander Rabb! Stand down!" barked Admiral Chegwidden in his loudest, sternest voice after having been roused from his office by all the commotion.

Harm's naval training finally kicked in and he released the lance corporal. His eyes flashed with rage as he turned to Admiral Chegwidden and came to attention.

"My office, NOW," the admiral barked again. To Harriet he said, "Call the MPs and a corpsman-in that order."

Lance Corporal Carter slid to the floor clutching his neck and gasping for air once Harm had released him.

Harm made a beeline for the admiral's office.

Admiral Chegwidden slammed his office door behind him as he entered his office on Harm's heels. "What the hell was that?" he demanded.

"Lance Corporal Carter was the one who attacked Ma—Colonel MacKenzie, Sir," Harm exclaimed.

"And that gives you the right to attack him like a rabid dog?" asked the admiral.

"Admiral, I'd kill for her," Harm blurted, surprising them both.

The admiral deflated slightly at Harm's admission, but looked sharply at him.

Harm's face felt warm and he studiously avoided the admiral's gaze, preferring to concentrate on a point on the wall behind the admiral's desk.

"So would I, Commander, so would I," the admiral admitted. "But only if it were the last resort. We've got the law on our side, Commander, and we will prosecute the lance corporal to full extent of the law." The admiral crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the front of his desk. "However, that does not excuse your behavior, Commander. You will receive disciplinary action."

"Yes, Sir," Harm replied.

The admiral shook his head and walked over to the side door of his office. Opening it, he looked over toward Harm's office. The lance corporal was nowhere to be seen. He closed it again and went back and sat down. Harm continued to stand at attention for a few more minutes. "Dismissed," the admiral finally released him.

"Aye, Sir." Harm tapped his heels together and smartly about faced before heading back to his own office.

"Where's Colonel MacKenzie?" he queried several of the office personnel. Most shrugged and shook their heads. "Sturgis, where's Mac?" Harm asked frantically, coming across his friend.

"I think she's in the ladies room with Harriet," Sturgis said. "As soon as you headed for the admiral's office–" Sturgis just looked after his friend's disappearing figure.

"Are you okay, Ma'am?" Harriet asked from outside one of the stalls in the ladies room.

As soon as Harm had let go of Lance Corporal Carter and marched to Admiral Chegwidden's office, Mac's stomach had roiled forcefully. She walked as fast as she could to the ladies room and locked herself in a stall, retching violently into the commode. Mac's eyes watered from the force of it, and she breathed heavily from the exertion.

"Ma'am–"

"I-I'm okay, Harriet," Mac said unevenly.

"Can I get you anything?"

"Mac!" Harm's voiced echoed around the tile room through the small crack he made when he pushed the door open slightly. "Are you all right?"

"Commander, do you want to come in? There's no one else in here," Harriet assured him.

"Well, I–I don't know," Harm replied, realizing where he was. "How is she?"

"She says she's okay," Harriet said.

"Do you think you both could excuse me for a moment so I could freshen up?" Mac asked, her voice a bit strained.

"Yes, Ma'am," Harriet replied immediately. She pushed Harm away from the bathroom door as she exited. "She'll be fine. Why don't you wait in your office?" Harriet suggested.

Harm nodded and went back to his office. He couldn't concentrate for thinking about Mac and stared unseeing at his computer screen.

"Harm?" Mac asked tentatively from Harm's office doorway, several minutes later.

He looked up at her immediately and jumped to his feet. "Are you all right?" he asked again, gently.

She nodded. "The admiral gave me an early and extended lunch. There's something I've got to do."

"Do you need any help?" Harm asked.

"No, it's okay. You have enough to deal with here," she said. "I'll call you later, okay?"

~*~

Mac stared at the tiny plastic stick in her hand and the tears trickled down her cheeks.

Damn.

Why she didn't think about a pregnancy before now, Mac didn't know. Her cycles had always been erratic, especially when she was stressed as she had been for the last month and a half, so there was no being 'late' to raise her suspicions.

_What am I going to do?_

Raising a child as a single parent was do-able. But she didn't want to have to. She wanted things in the right order.

_First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage–_

Mac pushed herself up off the floor. She went into her room and picked up the phone.

~*~

"What can I do for you, Colonel?" asked Captain Pritchard a few days later.

Mac stared out the window for a few moments before answering. Then turning to look at the captain, she said, "I'm going to have a baby."

"Oh. I assumed that we were past that danger since you hadn't said anything about it," said the captain.

Mac shook her head.

"Well then, you deal with it. How do you really feel about it?" Captain Pritchard asked.

Mac turned to look back out the window, not really sure how to answer the captain's question.

~*~

"Thanks for meeting me here, Sturgis," Mac said.

"I would have expected Harm to call me here, but not you," Sturgis said, indicating the Vietnam Wall standing sentinel in the background.

"Well, I've spent a lot of time here with Harm, and also a lot of time here worrying about Harm," she offered with a wan smile.

"So can I safely assume that this is about Harm then?" Sturgis sat down next to Mac on a wooden bench.

"I don't know." Mac looked at Sturgis, then at the Wall, and then at the sky, and back at Sturgis. "How do you feel about abortion?"

Sturgis was taken aback. This was certainly not the question he'd been anticipating. His mouth made a slight 'O' as he realized the implication of her question. "Mac, are you–?"

She nodded and smiled half-heartedly.

"Does Harm know?"

This time Mac shook her head.

"Okay." He nodded. "Well, personally, Mac, I'm against abortion. God is against abortion. If life starts at conception, and I believe it does, then abortion is murder, and murder is a sin according to the 5th commandment." Sturgis watched his friend.

"Why me?" she asked.

"Why not you?" he asked, earning a dirty look. "Who would you wish this on? Lieutenant Singer?"

Mac snorted. "Well, after all the horrible things she's done, don't you think she deserves it more than I do?"

"No."

"No?"

"Look, Mac, we don't know what kind of things have happened in her past. Perhaps something so terrible happened to her as a child and God knew she wouldn't have been able to handle this type of thing."

"When did you suddenly develop a liking for Singer?"

"I haven't, but I honestly don't believe that she could handle it."

"Are you kidding?" asked Mac surprised. "The ice princess?"

"She is the way she is for a reason, and while we may not understand or like her, everything happens the way it happens for a reason. Romans 8: 28 says, 'And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.'"

"I don't think I've been called," Mac said.

"God calls out to you every day, Mac, but you have to know how to listen," Sturgis said gently.

Mac didn't know what to say to that.

"You should tell Harm."

"Everyone keeps telling me that," Mac replied impatiently. "Harm and I aren't even dating or anything."

"Oh, please," Sturgis replied sarcastically. "You two are _something_. Everyone knows it, and so do you, and so does Harm. You may not be able to define it, but you two are definitely off limits to everyone else. Anyone can see it when they look at you two together."

"Are we that transparent?" Mac asked.

"No, not really. There's just something special that surrounds you two—even when you're at each other's throats." Sturgis smiled at her. "You have to tell him."

~*~

Mac opened the door on the third ring of the doorbell. "Hi."

"What took you so long?" Harm asked stepping inside and shrugging out of his jacket.

"I'm sorry. I was brushing my teeth," she explained before showing him her teeth.

"You didn't have to brush them on my account—unless, of course, you've been hitting the Beltway Burgers with onions again." He smiled as he leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"Oh, no. Just the thought is enough to make me sick," she told him.

"What? You?" he asked in surprise.

"Harm, let's sit down. There's something I need to tell you," Mac said, her tone serious and her face anxious, as she led him to the couch.

Harm sat in one corner and Mac sat next to him, turned sideways to face him.

"Harm, I'm pregnant," she blurted. She watched as his eyes widened, his jaw clenched, and the color drained from his face. "Harm?"

He rubbed his hand over his face before responding. "Mac, I thought we were moving forward. I know it's been slow going, but I thought–I thought it was okay."

"You think I slept with another man because things aren't progressing fast enough between us?" Mac asked incredulously. "Come on, Harm, think. I haven't been with anybody willingly since Mic left."

Realization dawned and Harm exploded off the couch. "Carter—the bastard! He raped you?"

"That's not going to do anybody any good. Calm down, Harm, _please_."

Harm took a deep breath and looked at Mac. "I don't know how you can be so calm about this."

"Well, I knew there was the possibility, and I've been seeing a psychologist," she explained.

"What?" Harm began pacing. "You didn't tell me you were raped. You didn't tell me you were seeing a shrink. You only told me you were raped because now you're pregnant because of it, and now you want me to calm down?"

"Harm, I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" Harm asked incredulously, stopping to look at her derisively. "You should have told me. Everything. Right from the beginning. It's been two months, Mac, and you're just now telling me, and only because you've been forced by circumstances to do so?"

"Harm, please–"

"No—I'm pissed, Mac. And I don't think I'm in the wrong here. Were you just going to keep the rape a secret had you not ended up pregnant with that bastard's child?"

Mac glanced down at her hands and back up at Harm. "I-I don't know–"

"That's great, Mac, just great." He resumed his pacing. "How are we supposed to develop our relationship if you're not going to confide in me?"

"Hey!" Mac jumped up from the couch to confront him. "Look who's talking, Harm. You're not the greatest communicator in the world either."

"Well, first of all, we're not talking about me. Second, it's already a well-established fact that I'm verbally challenged when it comes to what I'm feeling, especially when it comes to you or to us, and third, you've never had a problem sharing the big things with me. What's changed?"

"I didn't want to worry you unnecessarily," Mac replied. "I thought if you didn't know I was raped, then you wouldn't–"

"Wouldn't what?"

"Worry about me," she lied.

"My god, Mac. What happened to you affects me–and in a big way." He turned away from her and ran his hands angrily through his hair. "I can't believe it." He turned back to her. "I need to go." Harm picked up his jacket and walked out the door.

Mac stared at the door for a while. Harm's anger had taken her by surprise. She had expected the rage against Lance Corporal Carter, but not his animosity toward her.

She went back over to the couch and sat down, slumping against the back. She stared at her still flat abdomen for a moment before undoing the closure on her pants and placing her left hand, palm down on her bare tummy.

Mac contemplated the tiny life growing within. It didn't hurt to think about the baby anymore. With the help of Captain Pritchard, she had dealt with most of her issues—well, except one. Harm.

Mac turned her eyes toward the ceiling and wondered if God was really calling to her on a daily basis. She sighed and closed her eyes.

_Mac blinked in the darkness, before groaning and sliding out of bed._

"_Hey, hey, hey, precious," she cooed softly to the squalling bundle in the cradle. Mac gently lifted her son from his cocoon of blankets and held him close. "It's okay, mommy's here." She clicked on the dim nightlight and slid back in bed, snuggling against her pillows against the headboard. Unsnapping her nightdress, she directed the baby's mouth to her waiting breast. He latched on quickly and began suckling immediately._

_Mac smiled at the soft snuffling noises of her nursing child and gently rubbed her index finger down his tiny nose and across his downy cheek. The baby's eyes popped open and brown eyes looked into brown eyes. "Hello, my little sunshine," Mac said quietly. The baby released her nipple and smiled up at her. Mac laughed softly; it was his first smile._

_Feeding time forgotten for a moment, Mac relished the feeling of completeness. She looked over at the body next to her, which hadn't moved despite the baby's wails, and debated on whether or not to wake him. She shook her head at the baby. "Nah–It'll be our special moment." The baby let out a cry in response and Mac wasted no time in snuggling her son back against her breast._

Mac awoke with a start, surprised to find herself still on the couch. It was way past her bedtime so she dragged herself off to bed.

As she snuggled into her bed, she was struck with déjà vu, and she gasped as her dream came flooding back to her and she remembered the contentment and peace she had felt.

_That's nothing compared to the peace of knowing My Son_, said a voice in the darkness.

But Mac was not afraid. She smiled in the darkness and drifted off to sleep.

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own JAG, Harm, Mac, Bud, Harriet, et al. I have earned nothing from this endeavor but the joy that comes from the writing and the possibility of some feedback.

~*~*~

Chapter Two

Harm stalked into his apartment and slammed the door behind him. _She was raped_ ran through is mind over and over. He clenched his fist and was startled by a feeling of pain. He looked down to see his keys. He fast-balled them across his apartment into his room. He shrugged out of his jacket and threw it at the couch.

An unbidden image of that sorry excuse of a Marine assaulting Mac and touching her filled his mind. A yell of rage erupted from him and he swept everything off the counter and onto the floor, including a pair of his favorite wine glasses. The crash and tinkle as they hit the floor surprised him and he cursed out loud.

Ignoring the mess, he grabbed a bottle of Johnnie Walker Red, and he took a long pull from the bottle and collapsed onto the couch.

Damn her. Damn that bastard. And damn that baby.

He took another long drink.

Well that wasn't so nice. It wasn't the baby's fault, after all. Well, it really wasn't Mac's fault either, was it?

Harm groaned. He didn't want to think of Mac pregnant with anyone's child but his own.

Whoa! Where had that thought come from?

He took another swig of the bourbon, realizing that it was true. He couldn't wait to see Mac's eyes and her body when they made love for the first time. He wanted to be the one to fulfill her dream of becoming a mother.

Harm's mind wandered and he continued to drink steadily. Eventually, he passed out.

_Harm paced back and forth across the bedroom, jiggling his crying daughter._

"_Shhh. . . " he intoned in her ear. "Daddy loves Michaela, Daddy loves Michaela," he sang in a singsong voice. He bounced her up and down and patted her diaper-clad bottom. "Please, honey, stop crying. Daddy needs his sleep."_

"_How about a song, baby?" He took a seat and, over Michaela's cries, began to sing._

"_Hush little baby, don't say a word, Daddy's going to buy you a mockingbird." Harm held her close to his chest and the deep rumbling of his voice finally got her attention._

"_And if that mockingbird don't sing, Daddy's going to buy you a diamond ring–" Michaela gradually quieted and Harm lowered his voice incrementally. With a few mild shudders and gasps, the baby began to relax and eventually dropped her small head against Harm's chest._

_Harm rocked and sang. "And if that diamond ring turns brass, Daddy's going to buy you a looking glass– And if that looking glass gets broke, Daddy's going to buy you a Billy goat._

~*~

"Commander Turner, can I talk to you for a moment?" Mac called to Sturgis from the doorway of her office.

Sturgis altered his course and headed toward her. "What can I do for you today, Colonel?" he asked amiably.

From his desk, Harm watched as Mac took hold of Sturgis' arm and pulled him into her office, closing the door behind them.

"What's going on, Mac?" Sturgis asked, curious.

"I had a dream last night," she told him, her face alight.

"Not one of those premonition things, was it?" he asked suspiciously.

"I don't know; it might be. I'll tell you in about a year."

"Huh?"

"Never mind about that. I think I heard God."

"In your dream?" Sturgis asked, looking a little less skeptical now.

"No, actually, it was after my dream," she said.

"Well, what did he say to you?"

"He said, 'That's nothing compared to the peace of knowing My Son,' " she quoted.

"It certainly sounds like something God would say," agreed Sturgis. "What's the 'that's nothing' part refer to?"

Mac's cheeks warmed and pinkened and she hesitated to answer.

"Come on, Mac, it's me. Was it Harm?"

"Indirectly, I think, although I never actually saw his face, I'm pretty sure it was Harm. I dreamt about my baby, Sturgis. I kept it. It was a boy." Her face got that glow again.

Sturgis smiled at her and her obvious delight at the thought of a son. "That doesn't guarantee it will really be a boy, Mac."

"I know," she replied.

"I take it you've decided to keep the baby then."

She nodded. "I've always thought that babies were a gift of God."

Sturgis raised his eyebrow at her, but smiled. "God is pleased, I'm sure, and so am I. Congratulations." He watched as her smile faded. "What's wrong?"

"Well, I hadn't really fully accepted the fact that I was going to keep the baby until just now, but how do I tell Harm?"

"What's the problem?"

"He's not really happy about the baby. I don't think he can get past how I came to be pregnant, and I don't think he'll accept it." Mac bit her lip and glanced at the closed blinds between her office and Harm's. "Sturgis, I'm afraid that the rape will change the way he thinks and feels about me. We've been making progress, you know. But now...."

"I'm sure it will all work out. Just have faith, Mac. God already has it all planned out. Jeremiah 29:11-13 says 'For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.' "

"Wow. Really?"

"Really."

That night, Mac thought a lot about God and his plans for her and her baby, wondering how Harm would fit into those plans if he kept his current frame of mind.

~*~

The second Sunday of November dawned sunny, but cold.

Zero-seven-twelve...

What an un-Godly...

God...

Mac was suddenly filled with an inexplicable desire to attend church. She remembered there was one just a few blocks away, and, if she recalled correctly, the service began at nine a.m. She slid from beneath her warm blankets and headed for the shower.

An hour and a half later, dressed in a simple navy blue suit, Mac walked into Grace Community Church. It was one of the few churches in the D.C. area that still looked like a church. It was a long rectangular building with white siding, green doors, and a steeple. It also had authentic stained glass windows.

"Welcome, my dear." A tall elderly woman with silver hair greeted Mac with a smile.

"Good morning," Mac replied, feeling curiously at ease. She passed into the sanctuary; the long aisle separated two sections of pews stained a warm oak color and padded comfortably by forest green velveteen pew cushions.

The sun shining in through the stained glass windows on the east wall created a beautiful kaleidoscope effect and the warmth surrounded her. She found a spot about halfway up and took a seat.

The deep notes of a pipe organ filled the air, and Mac was pleased to find that she was familiar with the hymn. The sanctuary continued to fill and Mac checked her internal clock. A few moments later, an older man in a charcoal gray suit stepped behind the pulpit.

This must be the minister.

He greeted the congregation warmly and then read some verses from his Bible. Next he led them in singing several songs. Once that was done, the communion trays were passed around and another man stepped forward and led them in prayer. Since she wasn't sure about the communion, Mac opted not to participate. Then came the offering bag. She hadn't thought about that, but dug a $20 bill out of her purse and dropped it in the bag as it went by.

Once that was complete, yet another man, this one much younger than the others, stepped up to the pulpit.

This can't be the pastor, Mac thought to herself. This guy is young and good looking and well-built.

"And all the people said…?" said the man.

The timbre of his voice surprised her, as did the united voice of the congregation.

"Amen," said the congregation.

"Today I'm going to talk about the Lordship of Christ," he began. "Please open your Bible to..."

For the next forty-five minutes, Mac sat spellbound. The warmth of the pastor's voice soothed her troubled soul and his powerful message spoke right to her aching heart. She surreptitiously wiped away her tears during the closing prayer.

As she filed out of the church with everyone else, the same woman who had greeted her when she'd arrived stopped her.

"Hello dear, I'm Wanda Yates. Would you like to stay for coffee?"

As everything she'd just heard whirled around her brain, Mac knew she needed to get home and sort it all out. She shook her head at Wanda Yates. "Thank you, though. I've really got to go." And she hurried out to her car.

For the next three Sundays, it was the same. Mac came to church and was moved by the message, but too confused by it to stick around. However, lunch with Sturgis became a regular thing and Harm watched from afar as Mac metamorphosed into a truly beautiful woman.

Between her pregnancy and the Word of God, Mac blossomed. Harm, however, thought it was because of something entirely different.

~*~

Mac sat for a moment and digested Pastor Aaron's words. It all just seemed too good and too easy to be true. God couldn't possibly forgive her for all the terrible things she'd done.

The congregation stood and sang the hymn of invitation, but she was afraid of going forward and being rejected, not only by Pastor Aaron, but also by God.

Several people went forward, and Pastor Aaron invited everyone to stay a few more minutes to support them. Mac retook her seat to wait. She twisted her Marine Corps ring around her finger nervously.

Who could she talk to about this?

Just then Pastor Aaron waded into the baptistery that was set in behind the stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen..." he greeted the congregation.

Of course. Why not Pastor Aaron? Who better? He seemed to have some divine inspiration for all the marvelous sermons she'd heard so far. Not once in the last four weeks had she not been hit hard by the Biblical truths he'd talked about. Mac decided to call first thing tomorrow morning and make an appointment.

~*~

Mac nervously bounced her leg up and down as she waited for her appointment with the pastor three days later. She unnecessarily checked her watch.

"Am I late?"

Mac looked up into the most beautiful pair of hazel eyes she had ever seen. Today they reflected the moss green of his cable knit pullover sweater. "Um, no. I'm just a little nervous, I guess."

Aaron held out his hand. "Aaron Vawter. Nice to meet you…?" Although he knew her name from his appointment book, he preferred to let her officially introduce herself.

"Col—Sarah MacKenzie," she supplied, rising and offering a firm handshake.

"Were you going to say colonel? As in military?"

She nodded. "I'm a lieutenant colonel in the Marine Corps."

"Wow. I'm impressed," he said with a smile. "No uniform today?"

She smiled back. "I have a doctor's appointment later, so I took a day of leave."

Aaron held his hand out in the direction of his office and escorted her down the hall. "So what do you do for the Marines?"

"I'm a lawyer."

"A JAG?"

"Yes. How do you know about JAG?" she asked.

"I was in the Air Force for eight years."

She nodded. "Oh."

"Have a seat, Ms. MacKenzie," Aaron said, leaving the door open a crack.

"Oh, please call me Sarah or Mac."

"All right, Sarah," he said. "What can I do for you today?"

"Well, I have some questions about going forward and getting baptized."

Aaron remained silent, but nodded for her to continue.

"I've done some terrible things, Pastor Aaron. I'm afraid that you won't let me get baptized once you know about them, or that God won't want me." Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she spoke.

"That's what getting baptized is all about...forgiveness of sin. God already knows about all those things."

"Oh? How does He know? There are things I've never told anyone. Not even Harm."

"He's God, Sarah, He created you. The Psalmist David says, 'For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.' Psalm 139, verse 13. Even though you don't know Him, He knows you. He created you to fellowship with Him, but John 14:6 says 'Jesus said to him' - he was talking to one of his disciples - 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.' That means that in order to get to know God the Father, and in order to get to heaven, first you must accept and believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross to save you from your sins. And Romans 5:8 tells us that, '...while we were sinners, Christ dies for us.' Do you understand what that means?"

"Can you say it again?"

"Sure. This time, I'll quote the whole verse. 'But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.' "

Mac repeated it to herself quietly before she spoke. "That Jesus Christ died for us even though we were still sinning. He didn't wait until we had stopped."

"That's right, Sarah. What are some of your other questions?"

"I don't think I can be good enough. I look at you or some of the other people here at church, and you all are such perfect Christians."

Aaron smiled. "None of us are perfect. There's no way we can be. And we don't have to be. God meets us right where we are."

"Do I need to confess to you?" Mac asked.

"That's not the way Christianity works. I'm not the one you've sinned against. You must confess to God and ask for forgiveness. And He will forgive you, Sarah. All He wants is for you to ask."

"But Aaron, I've done some awful things; terrible things. I can't even forgive myself."

"Well, then maybe we need to talk about that at some point. But this is God we're talking about. _God_. He created the universe, Sarah. He can and will forgive you. I promise. And once He has, He forgets. To Him, it's as if it never happened.

"Now that doesn't mean that you won't ever sin again, because we're all human and the devil will continue tempt us. But we can get strength to resist through Jesus Christ. And when we do sin, we should confess and repent right away and He'll keep on forgiving us."

Mac was quiet as she contemplated everything Aaron had just said. "Oh…I've got to go. My doctor's appointment is in forty-seven minutes. Can I think about it?"

Aaron smiled. "Of course. And don't forget to pray. I'll be praying for you, too."

"You will? Why?"

"Because Sarah, you're one of the Shepherd's lost sheep. I'll be praying that you find your way back to the fold."

"Oh."

"And if you want to talk about anything else, then just call. We can talk over the phone, or you can make an appointment."

"Okay." She held out her hand. "Thank you, Pastor Aaron."

"My pleasure, Sarah." He accepted her hand. A ripple of warmth flowed through him and he looked at her in surprise to see if she'd felt it, too, but she just smiled and left his office.

Aaron closed the door and sank to his knees. _Lord, she's not even saved. And only You know if she'll accept Your Son. Help me to guard myself against any improper feelings toward her. I haven't had a feeling like this in a long time, Lord, and it scares me. I know that You are in control, and I thank You for Your Son. In His name I pray... Amen._

~*~

During the drive to her doctor's appointment, Mac thought over what Pastor Aaron had said. She tried to recall the scripture he'd quoted, but drew a blank. She made a mental note to call and ask.

Then her mind wandered to the man himself. He stood as tall as she did and was very well built. He must spend a lot of time working out. His auburn hair was thick and shiny, and those eyes. It was amazing to think that he was unmarried and a pastor, to boot.

Then she remembered the startled look he'd given her as she left and wondered what it had been all about.

~*~

That night, Mac prayed. She lay in bed staring toward the ceiling.

_God, are you there?_

She waited a moment, but didn't hear anything.

_Well, I guess you're there. It's me, Mac. Um, Sarah MacKenzie. I still don't understand why I was attacked or why I'm having this baby, but Sturgis says you have a plan._

_I've been thinking of getting baptized, but I'm a little scared. I talked to Pastor Aaron. I guess you know him, too. He says I should just confess and ask you to forgive me. So..._

Mac confessed all the bad things she could think of and then asked Him for forgiveness.

_God I'm sorry about all those things. Can you ever forgive me? Pastor Aaron says You will. I don't think he'd lie so I have to take his word for it._

_Um... Thank You. Amen._

As the week progressed, Mac continued to contemplate baptism. She kept praying although she didn't feel as if it were making much difference.

But by Sunday, unbeknownst to her, the Holy Spirit had done its work.

Mac sat there, the tears trickling down her cheeks; Pastor Aaron's sermon had hit amazingly close to home for her.

As Aaron prayed and the hymn of invitation sung, Mac felt compelled to rise and go forward. The look on Aaron's face was priceless, and Mac smiled at him through her tears.

He held out a hand to her and whispered her name when she was close enough to hear. A decision counselor took her to the back and helped her to prepare for her baptism. A few minutes later, she was led to the baptistry where Aaron waited for her in the water.

He held out his hand to her once again, and helped her down the steps into the water. The lights in the sanctuary dimmed, leaving only the lights in the baptistry.

"I'm so glad, Sarah," he said quietly. "Ready?"

She nodded.

Aaron looked out into the darkened sanctuary and began. "This is Sarah MacKenzie and she has come forward to accept Jesus Christ." He turned to her. "Sarah, I need to ask you a couple of questions, okay?"

Mac nodded nervously, keeping her eyes glued to Aaron's face.

"Sarah, do you believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of the living God?"

"I do."

"Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior?"

"I do."

Aaron blinked back the moisture in his eyes. "Well then–it's my great honor and pleasure to baptize you in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit." He put one hand on the small of her back and the other over her hand that held her nose and gently lowered her into the warm water and up again.

The congregation clapped and Aaron smiled at her. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," she whispered and turned to the counselor waiting for her. As she stepped out of the water, her soaking robe clung to her figure.

Aaron stared for only a moment before turning to exit the baptistry on the other side.

~*~

Mac floated into the office the next day. She felt so at peace with her decision. She had woken early and spent the first few moments of her day with the Lord.

"What's up with Mac?" Harm asked Sturgis as they watched her from across the bullpen. "She looks different. You think she got her hair done or something?"

"If I had to guess, I'd say she's undergone some sort of major life-altering event," Sturgis replied.

"Like what?" Harm asked, stumped.

"Like baptism."

"Baptism? You've got to be kidding," Harm scoffed. "Why on earth would she do that?"

"No earthly reason, Harm. No earthly reason at all. If you'll excuse me." Sturgis left a slack-jawed Harm and crossed the bullpen to Mac's office. He knocked gently and stepped inside when she called him in. "So, how was your weekend, Mac?"

"Oh, Sturgis," she breathed with shining eyes. "I got baptized."

"That's wonderful, Mac. Congratulations. Welcome to the family," he said, offering her a smile. "Just be careful of Harm."

Her eyes dimmed. "Harm?" she asked, slightly confused.

"He doesn't understand," he explained.

"Well, he'll just have to get over it, won't he, if we're going to continue being friends–or anything else, for that matter."

Sturgis remained silent.

~*~

Mac perused the Sunday bulletin as she waited for services to begin. Now that she was an official church member, perhaps she ought to get involved in something. A small advertisement caught her attention.

_Singles fellowship groups meet today. Call Abigail Vawter for more info._

Mac tapped her bulletin with her forefinger. I'll call this afternoon.

Pastor Aaron's message was inspired as usual, and Mac drove home with a light heart.

Once she had changed and eaten a light lunch, Mac dialed Abigail's number.

"Hello," answered a familiar voice.

"May I speak to Abigail, please?" she asked.

"Sure. May I tell her who's calling?"

"This is Sarah MacKenzie calling about a fellowship group."

"Hang on one sec. Here she comes."

Mac heard Aaron relay the message to Abigail.

"Hello, Ms. MacKenzie. Aaron says you're interested in a fellowship group."

"Yes, I am, and, please, call me Sarah."

"All right, Sarah. Would you like to join our group today? We're getting together at three-thirty here at my apartment."

"I'd like that. Should I bring anything?" Mac asked.

"Just you and your Bible. Here, let me give you directions..."

Mac wrote down the information and the two women rang off.

A frown marred her face. She didn't have a Bible. A trip to the book store was in order on her way to Bible study.

~*~

"She's a lieutenant colonel in the Marines, you know," Aaron said to Abigail.

She looked at him. "Really?" was all she said. Something was definitely up with Aaron. Normally he didn't say anything about the women in the church, especially the single ones.

"Yep. And she was one of the lawyers who prosecuted that terrorist in that tribunal a couple of years ago."

"Be careful, Aaron," Abigail warned gently.

He shook his head. "What do you mean?"

"She's a very new Christian, that's all. I don't want you to get your hopes up."

"I know that Abby. Don't worry." He kissed her cheek and smiled charmingly at her.

~*~

Two Fridays Later

"We have one last piece of business," Admiral Chegwidden said to the group seated around the conference table for a meeting. He stood and ordered, "Atten-hut!"

Everyone leaped to their feet and came to attention.

"Very nice, people," he said wryly. "It's nice to see you all have still got it. Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie, front and center."

"Aye, Sir," she responded crisply and moved to stand facing the admiral.

Admiral Chegwidden reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small square of cardboard with two full bird colonel eagle emblems on it. He held them up for everyone to see. "Congratulations Colonel MacKenzie."

Mac smiled widely. "Thank you, Sir."

"You're welcome, Colonel," he said shaking her hand. "All right people, back to work."

Everyone stopped to offer their congratulations before heading back to their respective offices.

"Hey, Mac, let's celebrate. I'll buy you dinner," Harm offered.

"I'd like that."

"Great. Seven o'clock tonight? I'll pick you up."

Mac nodded and entered her office.

~*~

Harm knocked at five after seven.

Mac swung the door open. "You're late."

He looked genuinely contrite. "I'm sorry. There was an accident at Thomas Circle. You look great." He admired the way the gold mohair sweater dress clung to her shapely figure in all the right ways.

"Thank you, Harm." She had spent a good hour going back and forth with herself about whether to show skin or dress more modestly. She had finally opted for modest. And Harm's appreciation was a small sign that she had done the right thing in God's eyes.

They chatted easily about work during the fifteen minute drive to Lafitte's Cajun Restaurant.

She looked over at Harm with smiling eyes. "This is perfect. I've never been here, and I've been craving something spicy for a week."

"I've had a craving for seafood myself," he said and swung himself out of the SUV and went around to help Mac out of the vehicle. "Bud was telling me they have great Jambalaya."

"Mm…" Mac responded.

They were seated quickly as Harm had the forethought to call for reservations. Some sultry blues whispered from the speakers overhead, and the thousands of fairy lights hung throughout the restaurant provided a romantic setting.

Harm lifted his water goblet and gestured to her. "Congratulations, Marine," he said softly.

She smiled in return and lifted own glass of water and tapped it against Harm's. "Thanks."

Their gazes held for a long while until the server came to take their orders. Mac ordered the Jambalaya that Bud recommended, and Harm ordered grilled red snapper with vegetables.

"You're going to eat all that?" Harm asked when the server brought the food. Her bowl of Jambalaya was huge.

"I'm going to give it my best shot," she said and grinned. "I'm eating for two now, remember?"

"Two what?" he asked, his eyes sparkling with humor.

She gave him a dirty look as she took a bite of the savory Cajun stew, but she wasn't really angry. "Oh, this is to die for. Here, have a bite." She held out a spoonful of broth and seafood chunks.

Harm obediently opened his mouth and she fed him the soup, but he was mesmerized by the drop of reddish broth that clung to the corner of her mouth. He swallowed without tasting and watched as Mac poked out the tip of her tongue and cleaned it off.

"So what do you think?" she asked.

He looked into her large brown eyes and blinked. "Um–it was good."

"Good. That's all you can say?" she asked. "That's the best thing I've eaten in ages."

"You want to do something on Sunday?" he asked.

"Sunday? I can't. I've got fellowship group."

He frowned. "What's fellowship group?"

"It's a small group of people—in my case, single people—who get together for Bible study and fellowship."

"Oh." He wasn't expecting that. She was sure getting pretty involved in this whole church thing. "A singles group, huh?"

Mac nodded and took another bite.

"So how many people make up one of these small groups?" he wanted to know.

"Well, there are seven in our group. Pastor Aaron, his sister Abigail, Emma Martin, George Davis, Ben Murphy, Penny Glover, and now me."

Harm let out a quiet sigh of relief. Four women and two men. You couldn't really consider the pastor. He was the pastor, after all, and he was probably older than the hills and married to the church.

"Sturgis said something about baptism. I thought that was only for babies."

Mac's heart stopped for a moment then began beating a hundred miles a minute. It was her first opportunity to witness to somebody. And to Harm, no less. She shook her head and swallowed. "No, it's not just for babies. Actually, it's not for babies at all." Please, Lord, help me. "Baptism requires one to make an informed choice about accepting Christ as Lord and Savior. Then the submersion is the public display of obedience, depicting the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ."

"I see," he said in a tone that indicated he probably didn't or was unwilling.

Mac shrugged on the inside. She knew that he'd be difficult anyway, so she changed the subject. "Thanks for dinner. It's been awhile since we've done anything together."

"And why is that?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, a slight edge to his voice.

Uh oh. "Well, I don't know. When was the last time we went out?"

"The week before you went to Fort Leonard Wood," he replied without having to think about it. The week before you were attacked. He had already done a lot of thinking about it.

"Oh." She hadn't realized it had really been that long. After she had returned from the Ozarks, she had been busy trying to understand why everything had happened to her. "I didn't realize it had been that long," she admitted. "But you haven't really asked either."

Harm snorted. "Well, that's because every time I would try, you'd go running off to Sturgis before I could get the question out."

"I'm really sorry, Harm. But here we are now." She smiled at him.

"Right. Here we are now."

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

A/N1: This story is rated PG-13. Although it does deal with rape, there is very little graphic detail of the actual assault. This story also finds Mac on a spiritual journey as a result of being raped. This story contains scripture references, as well as discussions about God and Jesus Christ. (Actually, Mac finds God.) That said, I don't want any irate emails - disclaimers have been posted. It's now your choice to read or not. On the other hand, if you have any comments on how I've presented the Christian aspect of this story, whether positive or constructive, I'd love to hear from you.

A/N2: It began as a way to write Catherine Bell's pregnancy into the show. It then took on a life of its own. I dedicate this story to my kindred JAG spirit, Leigh Anne, even though she's a die-hard Mac and Harm shipper.

A/N3: Many thanks to Suzanne Moore for her beta-reading, comments, and suggestions, and for her always-encouraging words.

Disclaimer: I do not own JAG, Harm, Mac, Bud, Harriet, et al. I have earned nothing from this endeavor but the joy that comes from the writing and the possibility of some feedback.

~*~*~

Chapter Three

"Say, Abby..."

Abigail looked over at Aaron who was helping her set out the refreshments for the day's fellowship group meeting. "What?"

"I think that Sarah might be in the family way. Would you mind, maybe, asking her about it?" he asked quietly, cutting up a pan of brownies.

Abigail stopped chopping vegetables to look at him. "Why?"

"Why? Well... I don't know." He shrugged. "I just thought she could use some prayers or something."

"You can pray for her without knowing whether or not she's pregnant," Abigail said, resuming her chopping.

"I know I can."

"Aaron, what's going on?"

"Nothing. _Really_."

Abigail looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

He held up his hands in mock surrender. "I swear. It's just that God has put it on my heart to pray for her. I just want to have all the facts."

Abigail still wasn't entirely convinced, but agreed to question Mac if an opportunity arose.

~*~

"Amen," Aaron ended the prayer. "All right—let's eat!"

Everyone chuckled.

As hostess, Abigail rose to get drinks. "What can I get for everyone to drink?"

As everyone called out his or her requests, Mac followed her hostess to the kitchen. "Do you need some help?"

"Oh, thank you, Sarah. Everything is in the fridge."

Mac got out the containers as Abigail dropped ice cubes into the glasses.

"So what do you do, Abigail?" Mac asked. She had felt drawn to this spiritual woman since the first fellowship group and wanted to get to know her better.

"I'm an RN. I work the surgical floor over at Columbia."

"That must be rewarding," Mac said.

"Yes, I love it." She put away the ice cube trays and gave Mac a small smile. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," replied Mac.

"I don't mean to pry, but... are you expecting?"

Mac's head shot up and she gasped at Abigail. "How... how did you know? I didn't think I was showing that much." She ran a hand over here barely protruding stomach.

"You're not, really, but I've seen enough pregnant women over the years. I can just tell. How far along are you?"

"About fourteen weeks; I'm due in May."

"Is the baby's father going to be around to help?"

"Um, no. He... " Mac's voice dropped to a whisper. "I... I was attacked."

"Oh, Sarah." Abigail came and put an arm around her new friend. "I'm so sorry. I truly admire you for keeping the baby. Can I pray for you and your baby?" Mac nodded gratefully and Abigail lifted up a quick prayer. "Now. If you have any worries or questions, be sure to call me."

Mac blinked away the tears. "Thank you." She never expected her situation to be accepted so easily. In fact, she had been expecting the opposite reaction. She had been hesitant to share and explain to her new friends until she had no choice. By that time, she hoped she'd have known them well enough to avoid rejection.

"There's a serving tray in that cabinet over there." Abigail pointed a cabinet behind Mac. A few minutes later, the two women returned to the living room. Abigail caught her brother's eye and gave him a small nod. She watched his shoulders drop just a bit. Uh oh, she thought.

As the social portion of their meeting progressed, Abigail watched Aaron who watched Mac.

"So, how was everyone's week?" asked Ben, a distinguished forty-something guy with salt and pepper hair and piercing blue eyes.

Everyone shared a little something except Mac. She was still a little quiet with the group until Ben asked directly, "What about you, Sarah?"

Mac flushed slightly as everyone looked at her. "I was promoted," she said. She was proud of her accomplishment, but didn't want to sound like she was bragging.

Abigail winced as her brother visibly brightened.

"Hey, that's great," offered Emma, the youngest member of their group at twenty-nine.

"Promoted to what?" asked George.

"To full colonel," Mac replied.

"Are you in the Army?" asked George, whose only knowledge of the military came from MASH reruns.

Aaron chuckled.

"No, the Marine Corps," she told him.

"You're kidding?" said Penny, the epitome of all things frilly and feminine, who was unable to fathom the rigors of deployment or the horrors of combat.

"No, really," Mac explained. "I've been in for almost fifteen years. It's sort of the family business. My father was an officer, and my Uncle Matt is, too."

"Well, congratulations, Sarah," said Aaron warmly. "I'm sure you deserved it."

"Hey, everyone," Abigail called as the group gathered their coats. "Remember that next week is our last meeting until after Christmas and New Years. Have a great holiday."

"Aaron?" Mac said softly.

"Yes?"

"Um, I couldn't remember the Bible references for the scripture you shared with me last week. Could I get those from you?"

"Of course, you can. I'll call you with them?"

"That would be great. Thanks."

"Have a good week, Sarah," he said, walking her to the door.

She smiled at him. "Thanks. You, too. Bye."

"Bye..." He closed the door and turned to find Abigail. "So?"

"She said she was fourteen weeks pregnant and due in May," Abigail said as she collected the few glasses left about.

"Anything else? What about the father?"

"Aaron, I think everything else she said was confidential. If you want to know, you'll have to ask her yourself."

He nodded, knowing his sister was right.

"Aaron, please be careful. I know she's beautiful, but she's an unwed mother, and spiritually, she's a baby herself."

"Abby, you're getting worried over nothing."

Abigail just shook her head and went into the kitchen.

~*~

"Good morning, Colonel, Ma'am," Harm drawled. "How was your weekend?"

Mac smiled. "It was great."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. I had a wonderful time on Friday, Harm. Thanks, again."

"You're welcome. I enjoyed it, too."

"Are you doing anything on Christmas Eve?" she asked.

"Well, I was hoping to spend it with you," he said, offering her a brilliant smile. The one that always made her breath catch.

"Were you, now?" she asked, pleased.

Harm nodded. "What did you have in mind?"

"There's a Christmas Eve service at church at four-thirty. Will you go with me?"

Harm's smile dimmed slightly. This was certainly not the activity he was expecting. He'd been hoping for something a little more personal. But the service was early enough; perhaps afterward. "Um, sure."

Mac beamed at him.

"How about dinner at my place sometime this week?" Harm asked.

"I'd like that," she said, still smiling. "Thursday?"

"Perfect."

~*~

The many candles scattered around Harm's apartment glowed brightly and the smell of lavender tantalized Mac's nose as she stepped through the door.

"It's lovely, Harm."

He handed her a crystal champagne flute filled with ginger ale and led her to the couch. "I meant what I said the night of your engagement party..." he began nervously, "...about wanting never to lose you. I can't imagine what my life would be like without you in it."

"Harm..." Mac's heart began pounding in her chest. She looked deep into Harm's eyes, made even bluer by the sky blue satin shirt he wore.

He leaned in and placed a tentative kiss on her lips. Her heart stopped and she allowed him to deepen the kiss.

"Wow," she said when he pulled away. It had been so long since the last time he'd kissed her like that—the night on the admiral's porch, in fact—that she hardly remembered the feeling. But it all came back in a rush.

~*~

Mac floated into her apartment after her dinner with Harm. It had been a wonderful evening. She and Harm seemed to be back on track.

She noticed the blinking light on her answering machine and moved to check her messages.

_Hello, Sarah. Aaron Vawter here. It's seven forty-five on Thursday night. I apologize for not contacting you sooner with those scripture references you asked for, and I'm sorry I missed you. If you want to give me a call at the office tomorrow, I'll have them for you. Good night._

*Beep*

_Hi, Mac. I really enjoyed tonight. I hope we can do it again soon._

Harm. She smiled to herself. Her stomach fluttered as she remembered his kiss. She hoped she'd be on the receiving end of another very soon.

~*~

The next morning, Mac settled into her chair and dialed the number to the church and asked for Aaron.

"Hello, Sarah," Aaron exclaimed, coming onto the line. "You got my message."

"Yes. I'm sorry I missed your call. I was having dinner with my partner."

"Oh, I see. Well... Have you got pen and paper?"

"Uh huh."

"Okay. Psalm 139, verse 13 and Romans 5, verse 8."

"You know, you could have just left that on my machine last night," Mac realized.

"Yes, that's true," he acknowledged. "I could have, but I wanted to talk to you; see if you had any other questions about salvation."

Mac was quiet for a moment before answering. "No. I don't think so. Not right now."

"Okay. You had mentioned, when we met, that you had a hard time forgiving yourself for some things that had happened in your past."

"Yes."

"Would you want to meet with me again and maybe talk about those?"

"I don't know..." she replied.

"Sarah, I'm not going to pry. Really. I just want to show you how to shed that burden of guilt."

"Can I let you know?"

"Sure; whenever you're ready, just call."

She nodded. "Okay."

"Is there anything I can pray about for you?"

Mac was taken aback. This was the second time someone had asked if they could pray for her. Her first instinct was to say no, but she didn't want to hang up just yet, and she wasn't sure what to say.

"Are you there?" Aaron asked after a lengthy silence.

"Yes, yes. I'm sorry. I was just thinking. Can you pray for my health?"

"Is there something wrong?" he asked, concerned.

"No, not really," Mac replied. "It's just that I'm pregnant, and I don't know what to expect."

"Well, then, I'll just pray for good health and an uneventful pregnancy for both you and the baby," he said without missing a beat. He was glad that she'd shared the news with him, although he already knew. He just wished he knew about the father, but that really would be out of line. "Can I pray with you right now?"

"Over the phone?" she asked in surprise.

"Sure, why not?"

"Well, okay...."

Harm approached her office door, but saw that she was on the phone. He waited and watched as she looked surprised then closed her eyes moments later although she didn't hang up the phone. After another few moments, her eyes popped back open. She saw him standing there and waved him in as she hung up.

"What was that all about?" he asked.

"Oh... that was the pastor at church. He prayed with me, uh, for me over the phone."

"That's kind of weird."

"Actually, it was kind of nice," Mac replied.

"If you say so."

"What did you need, Harm?" she asked, changing the subject, not wanting to make an issue of it.

"Oh. Yeah... I just wanted to ask if you'd like to go see my dad with me on Christmas Eve after the thing at church."

She looked at him in surprise. He'd never asked her to go before. "Harm, I'd be honored."

~*~

As the next few Sundays came and went, Mac began to realize, as the saying went, the reason for the season: the miracle of a young girl being chosen to bear and raise Jesus Christ, mankind's savior, and the celebration of Christ's birth. As Christmas approached, Mac's anticipation grew. Not only for the Christmas Eve service, but also for the trip to the Wall with Harm afterward.

There was only one thing that subdued her joy: telling the rest of her fellowship group about her situation. Abigail and Aaron had been great about her pregnancy, but she was a little nervous about telling everyone else. Not really the women though. Most women warmed up quickly to the thought of a baby, even if its mother wasn't married, but Mac finally realized she didn't want the men to think she was promiscuous. Telling people that she was raped was still hard, and that didn't always help either. Sometimes people jumped to the conclusion that she must have 'invited' the assault by the way she had been dressed or the way she had acted.

But she needn't have worried. With Abigail and Aaron's help, she had gotten through her story, and everyone was excited for her.

~*~

Christmas Eve was clear but crisp. It had snowed a few days before, but the roads were finally cleared.

"You look great, Harm," Mac said when she opened the door.

"Yeah, thanks. You, too."

Her burgundy velvet Christmas dress flattered her burgeoning figure and complimented her complexion.

"Are you ready?" she asked, handing him her overcoat.

He nodded and obediently held her coat for her.

"I'm so excited, Harm. The service is going to be so great," she chatted as they made their way to Harm's SUV. He held the door and helped her up into the vehicle. "Go down to the corner and turn left. Then go three blocks and take a right; you can't miss it."

They rode in silence for the five minutes it took for Harm to reach the church.

"Harm, is everything all right?" she asked, turning toward him. "You've been awful quiet."

"No. I'm fine. It's just tonight. I still get, um... you know..."

"Are you sure you want me to go with you? You could drop me back at my apartment," she offered. "It wouldn't hurt my feelings."

Harm shook his head. "No, no, no. I want you to go." He looked over at her and said softly, "Really."

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure."

~*~

Mac watched the Christmas program with delight. The music was wonderful, and she sang along joyously.

Harm was touched as well. Memories of the last Christmas he'd spent with his dad flitted through his mind. His chest tightened with emotion and he blinked away the moisture from his eyes as the final hymn was sung.

Aaron said the closing prayer and everyone began to file out of the sanctuary.

"Come on. I want Aaron to meet you," Mac said, taking Harm's arm and dragging him toward the front of the sanctuary.

"Hello, Aaron," Mac greeted him, her face alight. "This is my co-worker and dear friend, Harm."

Aaron noted her joy and wondered whether her glow was due to the program or the man in uniform beside her. Her hand on Harm's arm didn't escape his notice either. He held out a hand. "Nice to meet you, Commander."

Harm blinked in surprise at the use of his rank, but accepted the handshake. "Please, call me Harm."

Aaron nodded. "I hope you enjoyed our program."

"I did, thanks," Harm replied.

Aaron returned his attention to Mac. "Merry Christmas, Sarah."

"Oh, it already is," she replied, glancing up at Harm. "See you Sunday."

Aaron wondered what her remark meant, but others were waiting to be greeted and he had no time to think about it.

~*~

Harm held onto Mac as they walked on the snow-shoveled sidewalk toward the section of the Vietnam Memorial where Harm's father's name was inscribed. Mac shivered slightly as the winter cold began to penetrate her overcoat.

"You're cold," Harm said, looking at her.

She nodded. "Just a little. I'm fine."

"I'll hurry."

"Harm, no." She laid a gentle hand on his arm. "You take as much time as you need. I'll be fine." Then she grinned at him. "I'm a Marine, remember?"

He returned her smile. "I remember; but you are now a pregnant Marine, and you don't need to get chilled. Now, come on."

Harm's solicitousness warmed her on the inside. They started walking again. Just as they reached the correct section, tiny snowflakes began to fall. Mac stepped aside to allow Harm some privacy. She watched her best friend step close to the Wall and trace the name of a man he barely remembered, but whose memory had driven him for most of his life. A few minutes later, Harm turned and motioned for her to join him.

"Dad, this is Mac." He reached out and caressed a rosy cheek with a forefinger. "She's my partner and my best friend, Dad. She helped me try to find you."

"Hello, Sir," Mac said, a little self-consciously, but there was no one close enough to hear her.

"I just thought it was about time I officially introduced you two." He smiled at her. "Mac, there's something I want to tell you... your friendship means so much to me. I truly appreciate your help in looking for my dad."

"Harm, I..."

"Mac..." he said, his voice low and gravelly with emotion, "I love you."

She blinked in surprise, but answered, "I love you, too, Harm."

"Merry Christmas," he said as he leaned in and kissed her sweetly.

"Merry Christmas, Harm," she whispered back and then shivered.

"Come on, let's get you home, now."

They walked slowly, hand in hand, as the snow continued to fall.

To be continued…


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own JAG, Harm, Mac, Bud, Harriet, et al. I have earned nothing from this endeavor but the joy that comes from the writing and the possibility of some feedback.

~*~*~

Chapter Four

"Hi, Abigail. Come on in." Mac greeted her first guest. She had suggested that the fellowship group meet at her apartment for a change, and everyone had agreed.

"Hello, Sarah," Abigail replied, handing a plate of iced sugar cookies to Mac.

After setting them on the dining room table, Mac reached for Abigail's coat. "Here, let me take that." She disappeared into her bedroom for a moment.

"I'm sorry I'm so early, I didn't realize the time," Abigail said.

"No problem. Let's sit," Mac suggested. "So, did you and Aaron have a good Christmas?"

"It was lovely. We went home to see our parents over in Morgantown."

"Do you have any other siblings?" Mac asked.

Abigail was silent for a moment. "Um, we did. Our little brother, Mark, was hit by a drunk driver on his way home from school one day. He was only fourteen years old. Aaron and I were juniors in high school."

Mac reached out and placed a hand on her new friend's arm. "Oh, Abigail, I'm so sorry."

Abigail blinked away the tears and shook her head. "What about you?" she asked, her voice still a little rough.

"I'm an only child."

"That's too bad. I'm so glad I had Aaron. He's a great brother. We're twins, you know."

"No, I didn't realize," she said as the doorbell rang.

"Hello, Sarah," Aaron said with a delighted smile. "My ears were just ringing—oh, hello Abby—you two must have been talking about me."

"I was telling Sarah that we're twins."

"That's right; I'm the big brother by six minutes." Aaron shrugged out of his leather coat. "Mother dressed us alike until the third grade. Abby finally got tired of being dressed like a boy!"

The three of them laughed as the rest of the group arrived.

Once everyone was seated, Aaron began. "Since we haven't seen one another for a few weeks, why don't we just visit for awhile and catch up with one another." He looked around and everyone was nodding. "Did everyone have a good holiday?"

"I met someone," replied Ben. "I went to visit my sister and her husband down at Norfolk—my brother-in-law is in the Navy—and they had invited over a woman from his squadron to have Christmas dinner. Anyhow, she and I hit it off. We went out on New Year's Eve, too, and we are getting together next weekend."

"That's really great, Ben," offered Penny with a smile.

"What's her name, Ben?" asked Abigail.

"What's she look like?" asked Emma.

"Her name is Bethany Sanders and she has long straight brown hair and brown eyes. I think she's a petty officer."

"That's really great, Ben," added Aaron. "Is she a Christian?"

Ben hung his head a bit and Mac looked, first at Aaron, and then at Ben.

"I don't know. I'm afraid to ask—she's really nice."

"Ben..."

"I know, Aaron, I know," Ben replied.

"Why did you ask that?" Mac asked Aaron.

"Second Corinthians 6, verse 14: 'Do not be bound together with unbelievers for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?" quoted Aaron.

"All they did was go out," Mac argued.

"That's true," Abigail said. "But, you see, he already likes her a lot. If they continue to go out and get to know one another, what could happen?"

"I guess they could fall in love and want to get married," Mac answered. "But that passage sounded as if it were talking about business, not marriage."

"Marriage is a type of partnership, is it not?" asked George.

"Well, I guess so," Mac said. "So you're saying that, as a Christian, a person should not marry a non-Christian."

"That's right, Sarah," said Aaron.

"But why? I don't really get it."

"Well, in order to be saved, you had to invite Jesus Christ into your heart and accept Him as your Lord and Savior, right?"

Mac nodded.

"Where Jesus is, the devil can't be and vice-versa. If a saved person marries an unsaved person, there will be a lot of problems."

"But if they love each other?" Mac asked, thinking of Harm's declaration on Christmas Eve.

"Eventually there would be problems, Sarah," Aaron said, "And even if they didn't get divorced, one or the other would be unhappy. God doesn't want us to be unhappy, especially in marriage. You see?"

Mac nodded slowly. "I think so," she said dully. Now what was she supposed to do?

They moved onto the lesson, but Mac's mind was preoccupied with the fact that unless Harm accepted Christ, the Bible warned her against marrying him. He finally tells her that he returns her feelings and now this.

"Amen." Aaron ended his prayer. "All right, let's eat!"

Mac rose and headed for the kitchen to get the drinks.

"Are you okay, Sarah?" Abigail asked, following to help and noticing Mac's pensive face.

"I don't know, Abigail," she said. "Harm took me to the Wall on Christmas Eve and he told me he loved me."

"And Harm is...?"

"Harm is everything. My partner, my best friend, my anchor..."

"The man you think you're in love with?"

Mac nodded. "I've been in love with Harm for over three years now."

"And he's not saved?"

"No."

"Could it just be that you love him, but are not in love with him?"

"Of course I'm in love with him," Mac said. "So what do I do?"

"Well, all I can suggest is that you pray and you witness to Harm. If it is meant to be, God will work it out."

"What do I do if it's not?"

~*~

The following Sunday, it was Aaron who followed Mac to the kitchen to help. "Sarah, I appreciate you having our fellowship group here at your place this month. Abby tends to overdo; plus, she ended up working the graveyard shift."

"It's been my pleasure," Mac replied, smiling.

"So how did you end up joining the Marine Corps?"

"I was a teenage alcoholic," she admitted. "My friend Eddie and I were out drinking and driving the night of our high school graduation. We got into an accident and Eddie died." Mac caught the look of pain that flashed across Aaron's face and hung her head. "Anyway, my Uncle Matt came and got me. He took me to Red Rock Mesa and spent a couple of weeks helping me dry out. After that all I wanted to do was get out of Arizona. I figured joining the Marine Corps was the fastest way."

Aaron was silent.

"I'm sorry about your brother, Aaron." At his quizzical look she added, "I had asked Abigail if you had any other siblings and she told me about Mark."

"Mark was not your fault."

"I know, but sometimes as a recovering alcoholic, I feel a little guilty when other people die because of alcohol."

Mac and Aaron shared a long look.

"So what's the holdup in here?" George asked, coming into the kitchen. He felt the tension and caught the look. "Oh, I'm sorry..."

Aaron dragged his eyes from Mac's to look at George. "No, It's fine, George. Sarah was just offering condolences for my brother's death."

"Uh huh," he said, not really accepting that as the reason for the underlying tension in the room.

~*~

That night, Aaron pondered the most recent turn of events. Sarah was a recovering alcoholic. God, help me here... Are you sure she's the one for me?

~*~

"Good morning, people." Admiral Chegwidden strode to the front of the conference table. "Before we get started, I have an announcement. As most of you remember, the US hosted the NATO Ball six years ago..."

Many heads nodded.

"...well, our turn has come again. We have a table for ten reserved."

Harriet and Bud exchanged a soft look. It was at that NATO Ball six years ago that they made their relationship exclusive and official.

"Lieutenants?" the admiral asked, looking from one to the other. They both nodded.

"Lieutenant Singer?"

Loren nodded, as well. "Yes, Sir."

"Commander, can you find a date?" Chegwidden looked at Sturgis.

"No problem, Sir."

"And you, Colonel?"

"Um, yes, Sir," she replied uncertainly, wondering about Harm.

"What about me, Sir?" Harm asked, also curious.

"Well, Commander, it seems you made quite the impression on Princess Alexandra last time. She's requested your services as her escort again."

Harm broke into a smile.

"I take it that's not a problem."

"I'd be honored, Sir."

Mac heart sank. She realized Harm wouldn't really have a choice, but he didn't have to look so pleased. She schooled her features to hide her anger and hurt.

"Good," continued Chegwidden. "A limo will pick you up, Commander, before picking up the princess. The rest of you are on your own."

Mac headed to her office trying to decide whether or not she should call and invite Aaron. As she wrestled with her decision, Harm caught up with her.

"Hey, Mac, I'm sorry."

"Yeah. I guess you can't say no to the princess."

Something in her tone betrayed her feelings. Harm reached out and touched her arm. "Hey... I said I was sorry."

She looked from his hand to his face. He looked sincere enough, but his eager smile when the admiral mentioned the princess flashed through her mind. "I know you did," she said and turned into her office.

"Mac—"

The door closed in his face. Before she could lose her nerve or second-guess her decision, Mac dialed the church's number. "May I speak with Pastor Aaron, please?"

"May I tell him who's calling?"

"This is Sarah MacKenzie."

"Just one moment, please."

One moment turned into several minutes and just as she considered hanging up, Aaron came on the line.

"Hello, Sarah. What can I do for you today?"

"Do you have a tux?" she blurted.

"Well, sure. Why?"

"The US is hosting this year's NATO Ball and I'm on the guest list. I was wondering if you'd be interested in going... as my date."

"Oh... When is it?"

"Friday after next." She heard him turn some pages and assumed he was checking his appointment book.

"What about your friend? The one you brought on Christmas Eve."

"Harm. He has to work that night."

He, too, caught the hurt in her voice. "Can I ask you something?"

"Uh, sure."

"Would you rather go with Harm?"

Mac bit her lip, but remained silent.

"Sarah, it's all right if you do. You can admit it; even to me. We're friends right?"

She sighed. "I'm sorry."

"No need. Is there any way Harm could get someone to cover for him?"

"Oh, it's not that he's not going to the ball, Aaron. It's that the princess of Romania has requested that he be her escort, and he practically burst the buttons on his coat when the admiral told him."

"Oh, I see. So you're angry and jealous?"

Again, she was silent.

"Sarah, I understand. Really. But anger and jealousy are, number one, going to get you nowhere, and number two, both are sins."

"Really?"

"Really. I'd love to be your escort," he said, opting not to call it a date. "Let's just have a nice evening getting to know one another better, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed, feeling a whole lot better about the situation without really knowing why.

~*~

The next week and half passed quickly. There was an overflow of cases to be handled and everyone was pretty busy. There wasn't much time to socialize and barely enough time to worry about it.

The day of the ball arrived and the admiral allowed Loren, Harriet, and Mac to leave at 1500 in order to get ready. Bud, Sturgis, Harm, and the admiral left at 1630.

The scent of white gardenias wafted up from the mounds of bubbles in the tub. Mac slipped off her robe and into the silky perfumed water. Twenty minutes later, the water had cooled, and somewhat regretfully, she rose from the water. It had been ages since she'd last enjoyed a long hot soak, and she promised herself to indulge more often.

During the last couple of weeks she'd thought over what Aaron had said. And as the night of the ball had drawn nearer, she'd begun looking forward more and more to spending the evening with him.

She'd even splurged and bought herself a new dress. Not that she had much choice, since her figure was a little rounder than it used to be. She smoothed on her white gardenia body lotion and speculated on what it would be like to be out with someone other than Harm.

With a shiver of anticipation, Mac slid into her silky hose and pulled her dress out of its protective plastic bag. The strapless silk sheath had fit her like a dream in the boutique; the deep eggplant color darkened her brown eyes. The split on the right side ended just above her knee and the strappy sandals would put her eye to eye with Aaron. She carefully applied her makeup and used a curling iron to add a few attractive waves to her hair, wondering about Aaron's reaction.

She didn't have long to wait. The doorbell rang as she sprayed on her white gardenia cologne. She smoothed her dress and took one last look in the chevalier mirror. With a deep breath, she went and opened the door.

Her heart raced at the sight of the man before her. His tux fit his physique to perfection and any thoughts of dress whites and gold wings went flying out the window.

"Wow," they both said at the same time and then laughed.

Aaron pulled a dozen long-stemmed roses from behind his back.

Mac's eyes widened. "Th-they're lovely. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said and watched a blissful look cross her face as she buried her face in the creamy blooms. "You look exquisite."

She flushed with pleasure. "Thanks. You look fantastic yourself. Let me get my wrap."

Aaron nodded and she disappeared for a moment. After taking the black mohair cape from her and draping it around her shoulders, they made their way down to the street.

"You didn't!" she gasped at the sight of the gleaming white limo at the curb.

"Well, I can't promise such transportation every time I might escort you somewhere, but my grandmother always taught me that, along with your attire, your transportation should be equal to the event you're attending."

The driver opened the door for them.

"Your grandmother sounds very wise."

"She was quite the card, actually."

"Was?"

"Sadly, she died almost five years ago."

"Oh, I'm truly sorry. You must miss her very much."

"Thank you, and, yes, I do. Shall we?"

She nodded and slid into the limo, Aaron right behind her. He kept a respectable distance from her; almost as if he were afraid to get too close.

"You didn't have to go to all this trouble," Mac said.

"I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to, so please, just enjoy it."

"All right." She smiled and nodded in the dim light.

To be continued…


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own JAG, Harm, Mac, Bud, Harriet, et al. I have earned nothing from this endeavor but the joy that comes from the writing and the possibility of some feedback.

~*~*~

Chapter Five

"Good to see you, Commander," said King Josef of Romania as Harm was shown into the sitting room.

"Good to see you, Your Majesty," Harm replied offering a half-bow in deference.

"Alexi will be right down, Commander. We're both so pleased that you were available."

"As was I, Sir," Harm said.

"Commander Rabb, you look as dashing as ever," called Princess Alexandra from the doorway.

Harm and King Josef both turned at the sound of her voice. Harm was surprised at the change. This wasn't the same spoiled society girl he's first met years ago. Here was a poised and elegant woman. She glided effortlessly toward him.

"Your Highness." Harm bowed low. "You look beautiful," he said, placing a kiss on the back of her hand. Shimmering silver threads glimmered from the deep forest colored strapless satin gown.

"Shall we?" He offered his arm and, after calling good night to the king, they headed for the waiting limousine.

"So, what do you really think... Harm?" she asked, once they were seated side by side in the back of the car.

Harm noticed the twinkle in her eyes and the smile that played around her lips.

"I think that you have come into your own, Princess," he answered seriously.

She placed a warm hand on his arm. "Harm, please..."

He grinned. "Alexi."

"That's better."

Before he could say anything else, the princess reached up and his pulled his mouth down onto her own.

"Just as delicious as I remember."

"Alexi."

"Oh, please. Don't tell me you didn't like it."

"Well, of course, I liked it. It's just that..."

"Oh, I get it. There's a special woman in your life now."

Harm nodded.

"Well, don't worry, Harm," she said with a wink, "I won't throw myself at you this time."

Harm rolled his eyes and grinned.

"In fact, I'm betrothed," she continued, "to a younger son of an English marquis."

"Congratulations," he offered. "Is this a love match or an arranged marriage?"

"A little of both. We've known each other for ages and we get on well enough."

"Marriage should be about love and passion."

"That doesn't happen very often in royal circles, Harm. Besides, the only man I've ever felt a passion for is you. So unless you're willing to move to Romania and become king consort, Nicholas will have to do." She looked up at him with a teasing sparkle in her eyes.

"Alexi, I..."

"Oh, don't worry. I wasn't entirely serious, but I can really be myself with you, as I can with Nicholas. Only Nick doesn't have these dressy military uniforms and golden wings to send a girl's heart soaring. Let's just have a good time—as dear old friends. Agreed?"

"I'd like that, Alexi."

"Good."

The car had come to a stop and the driver opened the door. Harm held his hand out to help Alexi from the limo.

As they slowly ascended the stone steps into the hotel, Alexi leaned toward Harm who bent his head down to hear her next words, "But that doesn't mean I won't be expecting a proper good-night kiss."

Harm grinned widely. "Yes, Ma'am."

The delight was not lost on Mac, who stood with Aaron, the admiral and Meredith, and Bud and Harriet near the bar.

Aaron leaned toward Mac. "Is that the princess?"

She nodded, still watching Harm.

"She's very beautiful."

Mac turned to Aaron with wide eyes.

"If she had any other escort, would that comment bother you so much?" he asked bluntly.

Mac sighed. "No."

"Do you want Harm to be churlish and rude to her?"

Mac looked at Aaron, surprised by his suggestion. "Of course not."

"Well then?" He raised an eyebrow at her. "I thought you and I were going to have an enjoyable evening getting to know one another."

She smiled sheepishly. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted. Would you care to dance?"

"I'd like that."

Aaron escorted her to the dance floor, very thankful that her pregnancy provided a natural spacer between them. Her perfume and her glow were starting to get to him and he hoped he could avoid too much time with her in his arms.

Alexi gazed up into Harm's handsome face as they, too, whirled around the dance floor. "Is she here?"

"Who?"

"You're special lady friend."

Harm nodded and looked in Mac and Aaron's direction, his jaw clenching slightly as Mac smiled up at her escort.

An action not unnoticed by Alexi before she turned to look, too. "Oh, yes, she's lovely. Oh! Commander, are congratulations in order?"

"Um, no."

"Well, now, I'm really confused. "Is that bloke the baby's father?"

Harm looked at her funny and mouthed the word bloke at her.

"Oh, I picked that term up from Nick," she explained.

Harm nodded. "No, he's not the baby's father; he's the pastor of her church." There was a long pause. Then he finally continued. "She was assaulted last fall."

"Oh my," said Alexi, properly sobered. "I'm sorry to hear that. Well, I'd like to meet her. She must have a bit of pluck if she's decided to keep the baby."

"Only if you promise to behave."

"Commander," she said in mock indignation and laughed.

"Princess," he warned.

"Come on; I promise."

Harm led her over to the JAG table. "Your Highness, Princess Alexandra, this is my partner and my friend, Colonel Sarah MacKenzie, and her escort, Aaron Vawter."

Mac and Aaron had both risen from their seats as Harm and Alexi had approached.

"How do you do?" Mac asked, dropping a small curtsy.

"Just fine, thank you," replied Alexi. "Thank you for loaning me Harm for the evening."

Harm groaned quietly and rolled his eyes; Mac looked at him curiously.

Alexi continued, "But I see you have your own gorgeous date."

"Princess..." Harm said in a slightly warning tone.

Alexi held out her hand to Aaron. "Oh, come on, Harm. We're all friends here, right?"

Aaron took the proffered hand and kissed it. "Ma'am."

"Now, there's one I don't hear very often. Would you care to dance?"

"Sarah?" he asked, glancing at her.

"You can't really say no to a princess," Alexi said with a charming smile.

"It's fine," Mac said lightly.

Aaron escorted Alexi to the dance floor leaving Mac and Harm alone at the table.

They swayed in silence for a few moments, Aaron holding her at a respectable distance. Alexi frowned slightly at the space between them, but then she smiled. "Oh, yes. Harm mentioned that you're a pastor."

"That's right," he said.

"And you're in love with the lovely and pregnant Colonel MacKenzie," she remarked.

"Yes, Ma'am," he said, not surprised by her observation or her bluntness.

"You've got quite a challenge ahead of you then, don't you, Mr. Vawter?"

"Quite the contrary, Your Highness," he told her with a confident smile, "I've got God on my side."

"Do you want to dance, Mac?" Harm asked as Aaron led Alexi away.

She shook her head. "Let's just sit. My feet are killing me."

"Bud's doing great," Harm observed.

Mac glanced over at Bud and Harriet. "Yes, he is," she agreed.

"Have you forgiven me yet?" he asked.

Mac looked out at Alexi and Aaron. Aaron was looking her way and winked. She smiled and looked back at Harm, nodding. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, as long as we're okay again."

Later that evening, after the dinner, Mac took a turn around the dance floor with Admiral Chegwidden.

"I really like your friend, Colonel."

"I like him, too, Sir."

"You say he's a pastor, huh?"

"Yes, Sir."

"I would never have guessed. He seems to have a pretty good grasp of the military."

Mac nodded. "He was in the Air Force for eight years."

"Is that so?"

"Yes, Sir."

"So what does Harm think of your date?"

"Well, we're just friends, Admiral."

"Oh. Well, are you sure about that, Mac?"

A look of surprise crossed her face and she looked back at the table where Aaron chatted with Sturgis and his date, while Harm talked with Bud, Harriet, and Meredith.

~*~

The following Monday, Petty Officer Coates rapped lightly on Mac's office door. "Ma'am, you have a call on line three."

"Thank you, Petty Officer," she said and picked up the phone. "Colonel MacKenzie."

"Hello, Sarah."

Mac smiled widely. "Hi... We missed you on Sunday."

"Did you?"

"Well, fellowship group is just not the same without you. Is everything okay?"

"Roger Curry had emergency surgery, and I went to the hospital to be with his wife, Barbara."

"Is he all right?"

"Yes, he's going to be fine."

"The roses are beautiful, but you didn't have to."

"Well, my grandmother always taught me to appropriately thank a woman for her company."

"So does that mean you send thistles if you don't have a good time?"

Aaron laughed. "Of course not, but not everyone gets a dozen red roses either."

Mac flushed at the implication. "I see."

Sensing her unease, Aaron changed the subject. "Do you like hockey?"

"Hockey?"

"Yes," he said. "Do you like hockey?"

"Yeah, sure. Why?"

"I'm helping to escort our youth group to the Capitals' game next week. It's not really in the league of the NATO Ball, but I was wondering if you'd like to go." He left off 'with me,' not wanting to pressure her.

"I'd like that. Is this a date?"

"It doesn't have to be. You could just say you've been recruited as a temporary youth coach."

"All right. Next Thursday, right?"

"When can I pick you up? I'd like to buy you dinner first, but it would have to be kind of early."

"I'm sure I could get out of here by 1500. Pick me up at 1630."

"1630 it is."

"Is Colonel MacKenzie in her office?" Harm asked Petty Officer Coates as he entered the bullpen.

"Yes, Sir, but she just took a call..."

Harm stopped at Mac's door and looked in. He couldn't help but see the bouquet of red roses on the corner of her desk. He watched as she picked up the receiver; a beatific smile lit her face when she recognized the caller's voice. Harm's heart sank. That pastor, he thought. It's got to be that pastor. He turned away from Mac's door and disappeared inside his own office, closing the door.

~*~

"Subway?" Mac asked in surprise.

"What's wrong with Subway?" Aaron asked, pulling into a parking slot.

"Well, nothing, but when you said dinner, I was expecting something a little more..."

"More...?"

"Date-like," she confessed.

They approached the counter and placed their orders.

"We're on our way to a hockey game," Aaron said when they were finally seated. "And besides, I thought this was specifically not a date."

"Well, it's not really," she said, unwrapping her club sandwich on wheat.

"Then what are you worried about?"

She shook her head and smiled. "Nothing."

~*~

"Lieutenant Commander Borland, United Stated Navy, on the charge and specification of dereliction of duty, this court finds you guilty; on the charge and specification of being AWOL, this court finds you guilty."

"Sentencing begins tomorrow at 0900. This court is adjourned," Colonel Blakely said with a bang of his gavel.

Harm's client was led away by the security personnel and Harm stepped across the aisle to shake Mac's hand.

"Nice work, Colonel."

"Thanks you, Commander."

"How about a celebratory dinner? My treat," he asked, following her from the courtroom.

"Um, yeah, sure."

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing." She shook her head. "I'll see you tonight. Your place?"

Harm nodded. "1830."

"Fine," she said and went straight to her office.

~*~

"Amen," Aaron concluded his prayer. "All right, let's eat!"

"Penny, you have a lovely home." Mac was surprised at the royal blue walls, considering Penny's personal feminine ways.

"Oh, thank you. It's a little dramatic, I know, but my sister—she's an interior designer—insisted on helping me. I was a little skeptical at first, but now I just love it."

The fellowship group settled around Penny's large cherry finish dining table with their treats and shared their latest news.

Ben spoke first. "I finally spoke with Bethany." He beamed. "She's been a Christian since the third grade."

"That's great, Ben," offered Aaron, smiling.

"So when do we get to meet her?" Abigail asked.

Ben flushed just a little. "In a couple of weeks. She's going to come up, and I'm going to show her around town."

"She's more than welcome to stay here," Penny offered. "I have a huge guest suite. And make sure you bring her to fellowship group so we all can meet her."

Everyone else nodded in agreement.

"Anyone else have any good news?" Aaron asked.

"I beat Harm in court," Mac announced with a smile.

"Does that not happen often?" George asked.

"Not as often as I'd like," Mac replied and stood as everyone chuckled. "I've got to go; got an early morning. I've got to go down to Cherry Point and run an audit on their legal office. Helo leaves at 0600."

"Helo?" asked Penny, confused.

"Sorry. Helicopter," Mac clarified.

"Oh-six-hundred?" asked George.

"That's six a.m."

George nodded. "And you're going to get on a helicopter. At six o'clock in the morning?"

"Sure. I'm a Marine, remember?" She flashed him a grin.

"Right."

"Let me walk you out," Aaron said, holding her coat for her.

"Will they still let you on a helo in your condition?" Aaron asked as they walked down the driveway.

"Sure. The doctor said I was cleared to fly until thirty-two weeks. I'm only twenty-three weeks now."

"So how long does a legal audit take?"

"It depends, but I should be back by Thursday afternoon." Mac unlocked her car and slid in.

Aaron nodded. "Well, take care. See you next Sunday."

~*~

Mac sighed as she stepped off the elevator. She was tired and hungry after the flight back from North Carolina, but wanted to speak with Admiral Chegwidden about her findings before going home for a hot bowl of soup and a long hot soak in the tub. She'd managed to keep her promise to herself and had enjoyed a hot bath every Saturday afternoon since the NATO Ball.

"Oh my..." Mac gasped softly at the bouquet of pink tulips on her desk. She smiled and pulled out the small card.

_Welcome back. It was pretty quiet around here without you._

_Harm_

She didn't want to contemplate why she felt disappointed.

"Hey, you're back," Harm said from the doorway, gladness evident in his voice.

Mac fixed a smile on her face and turned around. "Thank you for the flowers, Harm. They're lovely."

Harm beamed. "How about dinner?"

"Oh, Harm. That sounds great, but I'm exhausted. All I want is a hot bath and my own bed. I'm sorry."

Disappointment flickered across his face. "Sure. I understand. Maybe we can get together this weekend."

She smiled tiredly. "I'd like that."

~*~

Harm pulled open the door and smiled at his guest. "Hi."

Mac held up a foil bag. "Garlic bread, as you requested."

"Thanks," Harm said, taking it from her. "I didn't mean for you to have to supply part of the meal, but it completely slipped my mind."

"Not a problem," she replied, slipping her purse and her jacket off. Her loose maternity blouse made her seem more pregnant.

Harm stared for a long moment. "Wow. You really are having a baby."

"Did you think I made it up?" she snapped.

His eyes flew to her face. Her eyes flashed.

"No. No, of course not. It's just that your uniform camouflages it pretty well, and I haven't really thought about it."

"Mm hm."

"Mac, I didn't mean anything by it. Really. You look great."

She still didn't respond.

"Are you hungry?" he asked instead, flashing her a charming grin.

She gave in and smiled back, but something still niggled at the back of her mind.

To be continued…


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own JAG, Harm, Mac, Bud, Harriet, et al. I have earned nothing from this endeavor but the joy that comes from the writing and the possibility of some feedback.

~*~*~

Chapter Six

Harm smiled at Mac from across the elegantly set table. The music of a classical piano drifted from across the room.

"Mac..."

Mac's breath caught in her chest. _Oh, my... he's going to propose._

"...will you marry me?" Harm pulled a blue velvet box from his jacket pocket and opened it.

Mac gasped softly. The large baguette diamond was flanked by a pair of sparkling sapphires. "Oh, Harm..." She took the ring from its plush cushion and looked at it. It was the most beautiful ring she'd ever seen. One she'd be proud to wear. "It's so beautiful. Sapphires are my favorite." She slipped it on; it was a perfect fit.

Harm sat watching her face and eyes light up at the sight of the ring. Her smile widened when she slid it on.

"Harm, it would be such an honor to be your wife," she began. She looked up from the ring, her eyes brimming with tears.

Harm shook his head in confusion. The words were right. The tears were right. But something was terribly wrong.

Mac took the ring off her finger and put it back in the box. "Harm, I need time to think."

"What's there to think about? I love you. You love me. Your baby needs a father."

Something just doesn't feel right." Her voice wobbled and her eyes pleaded understanding. "I just need some time. Please..."

Harm swallowed hard and nodded. He signaled the waiter for the check. The ride back to Mac's apartment was silent, each of them lost in thought. He escorted her from the car to her door.

"I'm not giving up," he said resolutely, standing at the door. "It's probably just your hormones on overdrive. I'm not giving up." Then he turned and walked away.

At any other time, Mac might have reacted very strongly to the hormone remark, but she knew that he was just trying to justify her response; that he couldn't accept the very real possibility that she might say no.

Mac closed the door and went directly to bed and wept. She wept for her lost dreams and secret hopes. She wept for what would never be. She wept for her best friend. And she wept for herself.

~*~

The insistent _beep beep beep_ of the alarm clock pulled Mac slowly from her dream. It was the same one she'd had before: nursing her infant son and seeing his first smile. The man in the bed with her had yet to reveal his face, and each time she experienced the dream, she became less and less certain that the man was Harm.

But it didn't make sense to her. There was no one else in her life and last night, Harm had proposed. It was the moment she had hoped for for so long. But all she felt was confused.

This was what she had wanted for as long as she could remember, but something or someone had stopped her from saying yes. She remembered Harm's eager smile and the beautiful ring. The tears trickled down her face. What was wrong with her?

Thanks goodness it was Saturday. At least she wouldn't have to face him just yet. The only problem was that she wanted to talk about it. Normally she'd go to Harm, but that certainly wasn't an option this time.

She picked up the phone and dialed Bud and Harriet's number. After several rings, their machine picked up. Mac hung up without leaving a message. Then she decided to try calling Abby, but the phone just rang and rang and rang. Maybe she should call Aaron. After all, she'd confessed most everything else to him. Why not this?

Mac sat on a park bench near the small rapids in Rock Creek Park, her hands resting on her burgeoning abdomen, waiting for Aaron to arrive. Harm's proposal played over in her mind.

"Earth to Sarah, come in..." Aaron waved his hand slowly in front of her face.

Her eyes refocused on the man in front of her. She offered him a wan smile. "Hi."

"Hi," he replied. "You all right?"

She nodded. "Thanks for meeting me."

"Sure." He took a seat next to her. "What's got you looking like you just lost your best friend?"

Mac shook her head. "I haven't lost him yet, but I just might. And I don't know if I can bear it."

"'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,'" Aaron quoted Philippians 4:13. "What happened?"

"You know my friend Harm?"

Aaron nodded.

"Well, he asked me to marry him."

"Oh. I see..."

"And I've been waiting for this for years. But something just didn't seem right. I thought that when he finally asked me, I'd be happier... or something."

"Have you considered that maybe you feel different because you are different? I mean, you're a child of God now. You've been studying the Bible. You know what it says. Have you prayed about this?"

Mac shook her head again. "But all I've wanted for the last three years is to be with Harm. We've been through so much together. He knows everything about me and I—"

"Sarah—" Aaron ran his hand nervously through his hair. "I don't know if I'm the best one for you to be talking to you about this."

She looked at him in surprise. "Wh-why not?" Isn't that part of your job? To counsel your congregation?"

"Normally, yes, but Sarah..." He looked intently into her eyes. "I've fallen in love with you."

Mac jumped up from the bench. "But you can't..." She looked around the park and then back at Aaron. "I don't know what to say," she said in a shaky voice.

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know why I can't talk to you about Harm; especially about marriage. I wouldn't be able to offer you objective advice." He continued to watch her. "Perhaps Abigail or one of the ladies who helps me with marriage counseling."

"Um, yeah. Maybe..."

"Do you want to walk or something?"

Mac started to nod, but froze mid-nod. "Oh!" She pressed a hand to her stomach and looked at Aaron with wide eyes.

Aaron jumped up and was by her side in an instant, his brow furrowed in concern. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Mac looked from her belly to Aaron's face, her own glowing in delight. "He moved," she whispered and moved her hand to another spot. "Here, feel." She grabbed his hand and settled it on her stomach, wanting to share the moment.

Aaron quickly pulled his hand away. "I can't, Sarah. I'm sorry."

Mac's face fell. "Why not?"

"Because that contact is too intimate for me."

"It's just the baby..." she said, confused by his response.

"I know. But your body doesn't belong to me, and my convictions as a pastor won't allow me to touch a woman that way unless we're married."

"Oh. Okay. I'm sorry." She still wasn't sure; it was just the baby.

"There's nothing to apologize for, Sarah. But I think, maybe, I'd better go."

She nodded and watched him shove his hands in his pockets and walk away.

~*~

On Sunday morning, Mac was awake with the sun. _Why me, Lord_? After all these years of picking the wrong men, now she had two to right ones to choose from. Each of them worthy in their own right. Only two problems existed: Harm wasn't saved nor was she in love with Aaron.

She opted to stay home from church. She wasn't sure she wanted to face Aaron just yet. Of course, there was no way to avoid Harm on Monday morning.

Later that afternoon, still avoiding Aaron and, consequently, the fellowship group, Mac called one of the only two people she could think of who would give her unbiased advice

"Thanks for meeting me, Sturgis," Mac said, sliding into the booth. The local iHop was warm and Mac had a craving for pancakes.

"What can I do for you today?" he asked and then waited quietly as the waitress came and gave them menus and poured some coffee.

"Harm asked me to marry him," she said softly before sipping her coffee.

"I know. He called me after you didn't say yes. He couldn't understand."

"I don't even understand," she said in frustration. "It's all I've wanted for a long time."

"Or _thought_ you wanted," Sturgis remarked.

"What do you mean by that?"

"You've been studying the Bible right?" he asked.

Mac nodded.

"Are you familiar with this verse: 'Delight yourself in the Lord; And he will give you the desires of your heart.'?"

"Yes." She nodded again. "But God knows how I feel about Harm, so why is it not okay?"

"God wants to give you the desires of your heart--as long as they're within His good and perfect will for your life. As you know, marrying a non-Christian is not part of God's plan for any of His children.

"He's probably causing this confusion to help you, not hurt you. He's probably preparing you for a new desire and he wants you to be open to it."

Mac thought of her dream again. "Do you remember the dream I told you about?"

"Yes, I do. Why?"

"The man's face has never been revealed and I've had the dream a few more times."

"And?" he prompted.

"At first, I was so certain it was Harm."

"And now?"

"And now I don't think so." She sighed. "I just don't know."

To be continued…


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

"I don't know, Harm," Mac said wearily. At full term, it didn't take much to tire her out or make her angry. She'd had a backache all morning and she didn't really want to deal with Harm and his proposal again.

He paused before speaking again. "Do I have to wait forever?" he finally asked.

"Well, now you know how I felt."

His brow furrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that—" Mac went silent and her eyes got really large. She pressed her hands against the underside of her stomach.

"What's wrong?" Harm demanded, quickly guiding her to the couch.

Mac let out a breath. "I think that was a contraction... I must be in labor." That would explain the backache.

"Oh... What should I do?"

"I need to time the contractions and then we need to call the doctor," she said matter-of-factly.

"Where's your bag? Aren't Marines always supposed to have their sea bags packed?"

Mac smiled despite the pain that gripped her midsection, but couldn't answer.

Harm looked over to see her concentrating and panting shallowly.

"Mac, are you all right?" he asked, his voice full of concern.

She finally let out a long breath and nodded. "My bag is right inside the bedroom door. Would you bring me the phone, too?"

Harm hurried after the bag and then the phone. He sat quietly next to her. He knew the exact moment the next contraction began.

"Well?" he asked.

"They're six minutes apart and forty-five seconds in duration." She dialed the doctor's office and explained the situation. "The nurse said I should come on in considering the drive time. Will you help me, Harm?" She held out her hand.

He gently pulled her up and grabbed her bag. "Slowly, Marine."

They had to stop once for a contraction on the way to the car and three more en route to the hospital.

"I think they're lasting longer," she gasped after a particularly strong one.

"I can tell," Harm said. His right hand was being squeezed empty of blood each time she had a contraction.

"Oh, no...."

"What is it?" Harm asked, his eyes barely leaving the road to look at her.

"I think my water broke."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I'm now sitting in a puddle of water in your leather seat," she explained. "I'm sorry, Harm."

Harm finally pulled the Lexus up to the emergency entrance of the hospital and came around to her door. "I'm going to go get a nurse and a wheelchair."

"No! Wait till—" She grabbed his arm as the next contraction gripped her.

"Mac, honey, I can't wait. If I do you'll have the baby in the car."

She groaned. "Just... wait... till..."

He nodded his understanding and held her hand as she tried to breathe through the rest of the contraction. Once the pain had eased sufficiently, Harm took off and was back in moments with a nurse and the wheelchair.

"I'm Suzanne," the nurse said to Mac, helping her from the car.

"Mac," she gasped tersely as the pain began to build again.

"When was the last contraction?" Suzanne asked.

"It had just ended when I came in to get you," Harm answered.

"Let's get you inside and examined quickly." Suzanne was already halfway to the sliding doors.

Harm looked at the wet passenger seat and frowned slightly before closing the door. He hurried inside and looked around. Another nurse gestured for him to follow her.

She had him dressed in clean scrubs within minutes and was leading him to Mac's room.

"All right, Mac," said Suzanne, from between Mac's legs.

Harm came to an abrupt halt just inside the doorway.

The nurse continued, unfazed by Harm's reluctance. "They're coming very quickly now. You're dilated to nine and completely effaced."

Harm had no idea what she was talking about. "Is it all right if I come in?"

Suzanne nodded. "You should reach ten centimeters pretty quickly and then it'll be time to push. I'll go notify the doctor." She looked over at Harm. "Is this your first?"

"Um, well, not really," he stammered.

"Come on over here and hold her hand. I'll be right back, okay?"

Harm nodded and stepped to Mac's bedside. Thankfully, the nurse had pulled the drape back over Mac's legs before going in search of the doctor.

"You okay, Marine?" He brushed aside the sweaty hair from her forehead.

"It hurts like hell," she said simply.

Suzanne and another nurse bustled back in with the bassinette and a sterile tray. They began to rearrange the room in preparation for the actual birth. "This is Kelly," Suzanne said. Noticing Mac's grim face, she added, "I know it hurts, honey, but you are so far along that we don't have a lot of options at this point. Can you hang on a little bit longer?"

Mac nodded.

Suzanne picked up the strip of paper recording the baby's heartbeat. "Everything looks great, but it will get a little worse before it gets better, okay?"

"I'm a Mar—" Mac inhaled sharply, the pain escalating to a whole new level.

"Let me take a look." The nurse moved to the end of the bed and lifted up the drape again. "Oh, my... Kelly get the doctor. Now, please. My goodness, Mac, you are an over-achiever, aren't you? I can see the head. Do you want to see?"

Mac nodded while Harm shook his head and looked anyway.

Suzanne pulled a large hand-held mirror from one of the trays and angled so that Mac could see the baby crowning.

Mac began to cry.

"Everyone ready to have a baby?" questioned the doctor from the door.

"She's at ten," reported Suzanne, "and crowning. All right, Mac, at the start of the next contraction, take a deep breath and hold it while you bear down for a ten count." She looked at Harm. "You, count to ten, okay?"

Harm nodded and looked down at Mac. Her hair was completely soaked now and her cheeks deeply flushed. The other nurse was on the other side of Mac's bed watching a monitor.

"Deep breath, Mac," she said.

Mac complied and began to bear down.

Harm began to count. "One... Two... Three..."

At ten, Kelly instructed Mac to release her breath.

"You're doing great, Mac," said Suzanne from over the doctor's shoulder. "Probably another two, three pushes and the head will be out."

"Quite the head of hair, too," the doctor remarked.

"Deep breath, Mac," Kelly said again.

"One... Two... Three..." Harm counted again.

"Great, just great," exclaimed the doctor. "The head's about a third of the way out. Do you want to feel it?"

"Cleansing breath," said Kelly.

Mac nodded in answer to the doctor's question.

"Let me have your hand," said Kelly. She stretched out Mac's arm and placed Mac's hand on the baby's head.

Mac smiled up at Harm.

"Deep breath," said Kelly once more.

"One... Two... Three..." Harm began.

"Mac, push as hard as you can," encouraged the doctor. "I think we can get the head out this time."

"Six... Seven... Eight..."

"When he reaches ten, exhale, then inhale immediately and start again," instructed Suzanne.

"Ten."

Mac exhaled then inhaled and the whole thing started all over. She groaned as she pushed. Harm kept his eyes glued to her face.

"That's it, Mac," the doctor said. "Take a breath, the head's out." With the quick use of an aspirator, the doctor cleaned out the baby's nose and throat.

Mac looked down the length of her body in wonder when she heard a wobbly cry. Suzanne held up the mirror again.

"The hardest part is done," the doctor said.

"Deep breath," said Kelly.

"One... Two... Three..." said Harm.

"We just have to ease the shoulders out..." said the doctor, using his index finger to help wedge the baby's shoulder out, "...like so... and the rest of your baby will just slide right out. It's a boy!"

Mac sobbed in relief at the immediate cessation of pain. She looked down at her son lying quietly on her belly. The nurse rubbed him gently with a towel to remove some of the blood.

"Just a few more minutes for the afterbirth," remarked Suzanne. "Does he have a name?"

Mac nodded. "Sam."

"All right, we've got to take Sam to test him and get him cleaned up. We'll bring him back in a little bit," Kelly told her.

Mac nodded and looked up at Harm. "Harm," she said softly. "Thank you."

"You did the hard part, Mac." He leaned down and gave her a gentle kiss. "That was incredible," he whispered. "Thank you for letting me be a part of it."

The doctor and nurses finished up and Mac closed her eyes and fell asleep immediately.

~*~

"Ms. MacKenzie, you have visitors: the Vawters," a perky nurse said, peeking her head inside Mac's door. "They asked me to see if you were up for company."

"That's fine," Mac said. A moment later, Abigail and Aaron entered, their arms full of flowers and gifts.

"Hello Sarah!" Abigail spoke first, dropping her armload on the end of Mac's bed and giving her a gentle hug. "He's beautiful."

Mac beamed at her friend. "What's all this?" she asked, pointing at the pile of gifts.

"Those are from everyone in the fellowship group. They elected us as the delivery team," Abigail explained. "Penny went out of town, Emma is sick so she didn't want to share her germs, and Ben and George aren't really the _visit-the-hospital-nursery_ types."

Aaron stood quietly against the wall while the women talked. Despite looking worn out from Sam's birth and wearing a hospital gown, he thought she had never looked more beautiful. He was still waiting for a sign from the Lord that he could begin to court her.

"Huh?" Aaron blinked and looked at Mac.

"How did you guys find out about Sam?" she repeated.

"Oh. Your co-worker, a Lieutenant Sims, called the church office," said Abigail.

"Of course. I should have guessed. No one else would have thought of it."

"So when are they going to spring you from this joint?" Aaron asked.

"I'm not sure. They're watching my temperature. It's a bit higher than they'd like, I guess. Could be an indication of an infection," Mac said. She held up a gift box with body wash, body lotion, and a silky bath sponge. "Did you pick this out?"

Aaron flushed slightly and nodded. "My grandmother always remarked that the mother does all the work, yet the baby gets all the gifts. She always bought a gift for the new mom, as well as the new baby. And she taught us to do the same."

"Well, thank you. This is the same scent as my perfume."

Aaron flushed again. "I remembered from the NATO Ball."

Mac felt her own cheeks warm in pleasure, but decided to change the subject. Aaron and Abigail chatted with Mac for a few more minutes before taking their leave.

"Aaron, what are you doing?" Abigail asked in concern as they rode the hospital elevator.

"Abby, you worry too much," he replied.

"I'm serious. You're going to make a fool of yourself over this woman. She believes she's in love with another man." Abby hated to break the news to him, but somebody had to.

"Oh, you mean Harm?" he asked.

"Well, yes. You know about him?" Abby asked in surprise.

"Of course, I do." Aaron unlocked the car and opened Abigail's door, then came around and slid into the driver's seat. "She told me he asked her to marry him."

"You're kidding?" she exclaimed, very much surprised.

"Nope. That's when I told her I was in love with her and couldn't give her any advice about Harm, other than to pray about it, of course."

"You didn't."

"I did."

Abigail groaned. "I can't believe you—"

"Look, Abby, I'm in love with her, and I'm going to marry her."

"Not if she marries Harm."

"She's not going to marry Harm," Aaron replied confidently.

"And just how do you know that?"

"God told me."

"God told you?" she asked dubiously.

"Well, not in so many words, but yeah."

"Well, big brother, I'll be there for you when she breaks your heart."

Aaron looked at Abby and grinned and then zoomed onto the beltway.

~*~

Later that evening, Harm stopped by. From the doorway, he stood quietly watching Mac as she gazed upon the child in her arms. "Hey..." he whispered finally.

She looked up and smiled at him. "Come on in."

He held up a Beltway Burger bag as he approached the bed. "I brought you a Beltway Deluxe."

"Thanks. I haven't had one in months she said enthusiastically, although the thought of it still made her cringe. "Set it over there, will you?" She indicated the bedside table.

"How's the little guy?" Harm asked warmly, reaching out to stroke Sam's head.

"He's wonderful so far," Mac replied, smiling down at her son again. "Thanks again, Harm."

"My pleasure."

The nurse bustled in carrying more flowers. "Here's another bouquet, Ms. MacKenzie," she said with a grin. She set them on the bedside table and checked her watch. "Visiting hours are almost over, Sir."

"Okay," he acknowledged. To Mac he said, "Call me tomorrow when you find out when you're going to be released." Harm regarded the large bouquet of yellow roses and the crystal vase for a moment before turning his attention back to the baby. He ran a gentle forefinger across Sam's cheek and dropped a gentle kiss on Mac's. "Bye."

"Bye," she replied and watched him go. He'd been pretty attentive and affectionate since witnessing Sam's birth. "Could you take him?" she asked the nurse who had been reading her chart.

"Sure thing."

"And can you get rid of that?" she asked pointing to the Beltway Burger bag. "It's a Beltway Deluxe if anyone wants it."

"Are you sure?"

"Definitely!"

"Do you want me to take Sam or leave him here?" the nurse asked.

"He's fine," said Mac. "Thanks."

"No problem. Call me if you want me to come and get him." The nurse grabbed the burger bag and left.

Mac turned her attention to the yellow roses. She leaned over and inhaled the delicious scent. She plucked the card from the pick and opened it.

_For a job well done._

_May God bless you both._

_Aaron_

Mac smiled to herself and thought of Aaron. Eventually, she dozed, still clutching the small card.

~*~

"Honey, I'm home!" Harm called out as he entered Mac's apartment a few days later.

An immediate wail came from the bedroom.

"Thanks, Harm," came Mac's terse voice, also from the bedroom.

Harm tiptoed to the door and peeked in. Mac sat in the oak glider nursing Sam. She looked up at him and held a finger to her lips. Harm nodded and showed her the large pizza box he carried. She gave him a thumbs-up sign and then opened up her hand in a _five minutes_ gesture.

Ten minutes later she emerged from her room ready to give Harm a dressing down, but she was too surprised to speak. Harm had closed the drapes and lit a half dozen candles. The table was set and the steaming pizza sat in the center of it.

Harm walked over to her. "I'm really sorry," he whispered. "It'll never happen again. I promise." He gave her a kiss, and then led her to the table. "It's not much, but I wondered if you've been eating more than soup or sandwiches for the last three days."

"It smells wonderful," she said gratefully and forgiving him immediately. She hadn't been eating well since she'd come home. All she'd done was sleep when Sam slept and feed him when he was awake. She'd only had a couple of bowls of cold cereal and a TV dinner all day and ended up devouring half the pizza by herself.

After they cleaned up the dinner dishes, Harm led Mac back to the couch. "We need to talk," he said. "I can't wait anymore."

She nodded. She didn't really want to have this conversation, but sensed that Harm wouldn't let it go right now.

"I asked you to marry me almost three months ago and you've put me off. I've even developed a little sympathy for Brumby."

Mac frowned.

"I'm sorry," he replied, not wanting to upset her. "Mac... I love you. I want to marry you. I want to be a part of Sam's life. Will you please marry me?" He pulled the ring out of his pocket and held it out to her.

Mac looked at it and studied it. It really was a beautiful ring, but it couldn't belong to her. She knew it wasn't right. Between two-hour feedings, poopy diapers, and cat naps, Mac had been praying. She'd known that Harm would be asking the question again and soon. And the only answer that kept coming back to her was no.

Eyes brimming with tears she said, "I'm sorry, Harm. I can't."

His eyes widened and his jaw clenched. "It's that pastor, isn't it?" he asked sharply.

"Aaron?" she asked, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand.

Harm nodded.

"What would he have to do with all this?"

"I saw the way he looked at you at the NATO Ball."

"That was months ago. We're just friends, Harm," Mac told him.

"Right. And I'm Tom Cruise."

"Look, Harm... this has nothing to do with Aaron. I swear." She placed gentle hand on his forearm. "I've been praying and praying about this, but the Bible is perfectly clear that believers marry believers. And you're not a believer."

"What? I believe in God. I believe in the Bible. For Christ's sake, I put my hand on a Bible when I swore my oath of allegiance."

Mac frowned again. "I realize that Harm, but I'm talking about the fact that you're not saved. You haven't accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and you haven't been baptized."

Harm didn't have an answer for that.

"I'm sorry," she said again.

"I guess I'd better go," he said quietly, rising from the couch.

The floodgates opened at the click of her front door. She wanted to call him back, but what would she say? She sobbed until she had no tears left to cry and she fell into a fitful sleep on the couch.

To be continued…


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

After the first two weeks of maternity leave, Mac finally had Sam on some semblance of a schedule. She would begin her final interviews with baby-sitters in a couple more weeks, visiting the prospective caregivers in their own homes. She had narrowed the list down to three women prior to Sam's birth. Now she wanted to see each of them interact with Sam, as well as see their homes and meet their families, all of whom would play a significant role in Sam's life for a while. All of them were members of the church.

Another week passed and Mac began to feel more like herself. She realized that she was relieved that she'd have to go back to work. While she was glad to have this time with Sam, the monotony of housework was boring her to tears.

She had mostly caught up with her sleep, only needing a mid-afternoon nap to offset the remaining middle-of-the-night feeding.

Her coworkers had all stopped by at least once and had called several times. Except Harm. He'd only called once to see how they were in general terms and had claimed another important call to get off the phone.

Even her friends from church had all called to ask if she'd be attending fellowship group each Sunday, and if she'd be bringing Sam.

And all the while, Mac imagined herself married to Harm. She wondered what it would be like to send him off to work each morning and welcome him home each evening with a kiss.

She even contemplated calling him a time or two to tell him she'd changed her mind. But something always stopped her. Either Sam would wake up for a feeding or the phone would ring.

And then there was Aaron. He called every other day just to see how she and Sam were doing and if they needed anything. She began to look forward to those calls even though they usually lasted no longer than two minutes.

It wasn't until Aaron missed a day that Mac finally realized what really kept her from calling Harm or feeling completely miserable about her decision.

She liked Aaron. She liked him a lot.

And he was in love with her. But that had been three months ago. Did he still feel the same way? All the signs indicated that he did. He'd remembered the scent of her perfume after three months, the bouquet of yellow roses, and the phone calls every other day.

She'd yet to mention that she'd finally refused Harm's proposal. Maybe he was waiting for a sign from her that she was interested.

But was she really interested?

If he were still in love with her, he'd be shooting for the brass ring--or should she say the diamond engagement ring?

Well, she was certainly ready for the whole enchilada. She shook her head. What was with her and bad metaphors today?

When he finally called the next day, she didn't quite know how to bring it up without being too obvious.

"It's Aaron."

"I know."

He could hear the smile in her voice. "I'm sorry I didn't call yesterday. I got tied up in a meeting."

"That's okay."

"So how is everything?"

"Fine. Mostly boring," she said.

"How's Sam?"

Her voice softened. "He's wonderful; only cries when he's hungry."

"And how are you?"

"I'm fine, too. This apartment is the cleanest it's been since I moved in."

Aaron chuckled. "Well..." he said.

"Well..." Mac echoed.

"I guess I'd better get to work," he said half-heartedly.

"Okay," she agreed unenthusiastically.

"I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

"Bye, Sarah."

Mac hung up the phone and groaned. Boy did she sound intelligent. He probably thought she lost her intellect when she had Sam.

Aaron hung up the phone and grinned. It was almost time.

~*~

The following Sunday, Mac made it to church and the fellowship group. They all fussed over her and the baby. Mac handed out thank you cards for the gifts they'd given her and Sam.

"...and thank you, Father God, for watching over Sarah and Sam, for bringing Sam safely into this world, and for bringing them both to us today. Thank you for Your Son, Jesus. It's in His name we pray. Amen," Aaron prayed. And then, "All right! Let's eat!"

Sam awoke and began to fuss for his dinner. Mac grabbed his bottle and reached for him.

"Oh, may I?" asked Emma.

"Of course," Mac replied, handing Sam, his bottle, and a cloth diaper to her. Emma settled into Abigail's sofa and handled the feeding expertly.

"So how'd it go?" Abigail asked in the kitchen a few minutes later. It was really the first chance they'd had to talk since Sam was born.

"How'd what go?" Mac asked, taking a couple of barbecue meatballs.

"The birth."

"Pretty well. Fast. Harm was there, too. He was great," Mac said, smiling.

"Yeah?"

Mac nodded and remembered.

"So... How are things going with you two?"

Mac's smile disappeared. "They're not, really. He proposed again and I told him no." Her voice wavered a bit. It was still a tough memory. "It was one of the hardest things I've had to do."

"I'm sure," Abigail agreed, sympathetically. "But God heals all hurts."

Mac sniffed a little and nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get all teary on you."

"Hey, it's okay. Those post-partum hormones will get you every time."

"It's been almost five weeks, though," Mac said with a shaky voice.

"They can last for months. Don't you have to go back to work soon?"

"Yeah. A couple more weeks," Mac answered.

"It might be a little uncomfortable around Harm for awhile," Abigail said.

"We're both adults and we've been through tough situations before. We should be able to work through this eventually." Mac began to cry again.

Abigail hugged her. "It's okay, Sarah."

"Hey!" said Aaron coming in for more sweet tea. "Oh. I'm sorry. Is everything all right?"

"Just post-partum blues," Abigail explained without wanting to reveal Mac's confidence.

"I told Harm no," Mac admitted with a small sniff. "And I have to go back to work in two weeks and face him."

Aaron nodded solemnly on the outside, but he was doing cartwheels on the inside. "Oh, I see," he said quietly. "Just remember Philippians 4:13; 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.' "

"Thanks." Mac nodded.

"You did the right thing, Sarah. God will work it out." He offered her a little smile and the headed back into the other room.

"Aaron's right, Sarah," said Abigail. "It was the right thing no matter how much it hurts right now and God will see you through."

Mac sighed and grabbed a napkin to wipe her face dry. "I know. I'm over it, mostly. I just get scared sometimes that I've ruined our friendship forever. And that I couldn't bear."

~*~

That night, Aaron prayed for Mac and for Harm. He could well imagine the other man's pain. He also prayed for wisdom in courting Mac. He knew that Harm's friendship was an intrinsic part of her life and that she had to grieve over the loss of the way things had been between them. But he also knew that his attentions would go a long way in helping her put it behind her.

As he finished, he felt a peace come over him and the urge to call Mac was strong. He glanced at the clock on the mantle. Nine-thirty. He'd have to take the chance, so he picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number.

It rang several times before her sleepy voice came on the line. "'Lo?"

"Sarah, I'm sorry. I was hoping you'd still be up."

She softly cleared her throat. "No, no. It's okay." She was pleased to hear from him. "What's up?"

"Well. I just finished praying for you and for Harm, and..."

"You prayed for Harm?" she asked, surprised.

"Yes."

"But why? Harm doesn't even..." _...like you_.

"Like me?" Aaron guessed.

"Well..." she hedged.

"It's okay. I'm a pretty astute guy. I know he feels I'm a threat. And unfortunately I can't do much right now to change that perception. Except pray that God will heal his hurts and give him clarity on the whole thing at some point."

Mac was silent.

"Anyway," Aaron continued, "I know you're worried about your friendship with him and I just wanted to tell you not to worry. I don't know how long it'll take, but eventually it'll all work out."

"How do you know that?"

"Just a feeling I have." There was a short silence and he finally asked how Sam was.

"Oh, he's fine, but he's starting to fuss for his bedtime feeding. I'd better go."

"Good night, then."

After hanging up, Mac picked up Sam from his carrier and changed his diaper and dressed him in little sailor pajamas. She settled into her glider and unfastened her blouse to feed him. The gentle tug on her breast as Sam nursed relaxed her and her mind began to wander. She remembered Harm's first proposal and the way he'd stayed with her when Sam was born. Then she remembered when Aaron had confessed to being in love with her. Finally, the dream she'd had those many months ago flitted through her mind; Sam's smile and the man in the bed with her. She'd been so sure it was Harm, but now she wondered... Could it have been Aaron?

~*~

Two weeks later, Mac returned to work. She was a bit nervous about seeing Harm. He'd barely spoken to her in the last four weeks.

Everyone else welcomed her back warmly and it was almost as if she'd never been gone. She flashed Sam's photo any time anyone asked about him.

"Welcome back, Colonel." The admiral greeted her warmly.

Mac came to attention. "Good morning, Sir."

He nodded. "At ease. Are you ready to get back to work?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Good. Follow me." He turned and headed for his office.

"Have a seat, Colonel," the admiral invited, once inside his office. He took his place behind his desk. "Any idea why Commander Rabb has been moping around?"

Mac flushed slightly. "Um, well... Maybe because I turned down his marriage proposal."

The admiral raised an eyebrow. "I see." He looked down at the file on his desk and then back at Mac. "Well, then." He picked up the file and handed it to her. "Petty Officer Barker has been charged with possession of illegal drugs. He claims the drugs must have ended up in his gym bag by mistake. Find out what happened."

Mac stood at attention. "Aye, aye, Sir."

Mac perused the file as she passed through Petty Officer Tiner's office. "Oh!"

"Ugh."

The file went flying as strong hands grasped her arms to steady her. "I'm sorry."

Mac knew the voice before she looked up into Harm's face.

His eyes lit up for a fraction of a second, but immediately dimmed. His voice was soft. "Mac."

"Harm," she replied just as quietly.

He released her and bent to pick up the strewn papers. "Are you all right?"

She kneeled down to help. "I'm fine. How are you?"

Their fingers brushed as she accepted the papers he held out to her. A small tremor flowed through her and she looked up into his wary gaze.

He stood, breaking eye contact, but helping her upright. "I'm fine," he said. "Sorry about that. I've got to run."

"Okay..." she said, but he was already gone. Mac blinked. Evidently, neither one of them was completely over it, she thought. She shook her head and went to her office.

"Ma'am?" Petty Officer Coates stuck her head in the door moments later. Mac looked up. "There's a call for you on line two."

"Thanks." Mac nodded and reached for the phone. "Colonel MacKenzie."

"Hi," said Aaron.

"Hi," she said warmly. "What are you doing?"

"Talking to you," he replied.

She smiled. "Besides that." Mac swiveled her chair around to look outside.

"Doing some research for my sermon next Sunday."

"What's it about?"

"Responding to the Governing Authorities," he told her.

"Sounds interesting."

"Well, I hope so."

Mac chuckled. "I suppose you do."

"So how's your day going?"

"Better now," she said honestly, surprising them both.

"Glad to hear it. Do you have something interesting to work on?" he asked.

"Yeah. A petty officer accused of possession of an illegal substance. He claims the drugs are not his."

"Wow," said Aaron. "You'll have to let me know how it turns out."

"All right."

"Well, I'll let you get back to work. I just wanted to see how it was going. I'll talk to you later."

"Okay. Bye..." They both hung up.

Mac swiveled back around in her chair to put the phone back in its cradle, a pleased smile on her face.

She looked up at the knock on her door and motioned Harriet inside.

"Welcome back, ma'am," said Harriet, noting the smile.

"Hi, Harriet. What's up?"

"Have you got a few minutes?"

"Sure." Mac waved at one of the chairs in front of her desk and Harriet took a seat.

"I was thinking of organizing another JAG-A-Thon. What do you think?"

"I think it's a great idea," Mac said.

"Do you think everyone else will go for it?" Harriet asked.

"I'm sure they will, Harriet. Any ideas on a charity?"

"I was thinking of the Special Operations Warrior Foundation. With all that's been going on in the world, I'm sure they'll need some funds."

Mac nodded solemnly. "Unfortunately."

Harriet stood. "Thank you, Ma'am. I'll go talk to the admiral."

~*~

The JAG-A-Thon was scheduled for mid-September. Mac began training; running during her lunch hour and on weekends with Sam in the special stroller she had purchased.

And Aaron finally asked Mac out. Sort of. It didn't seem like an official date since Sam was included, but she was pleased none-the-less.

"This is awesome," Mac said once they were inside the cool and darkened interior of the museum. They strolled up and down, looking at and discussing each of the displays and type of dinosaur at length.

After about an hour, Sam had enough and started fussing.

"Let's sit down here and you can feed him," Aaron suggested.

Mac nodded and sat on a bench. She pulled a bottle and a jar of baby food from the diaper bag. "Thank you so much, Aaron," she said. "I really enjoyed this. How'd you know?"

"Sarah, the few times I've been to your apartment, there were dinosaur books all over the place. Not to mention your miniature excavation site."

"Oh, yeah," she said, sheepishly, spooning a mouthful of bananas into Sam.

"Harrumph," came the snort from the bench behind them. They looked at each other, smiles fighting propriety as the owner of said _harumph_ approached them.

"Well, if it isn't Pastor Aaron, as I live in breathe," said a stout unhappy looking woman Mac faintly recognized. Her sarcastic tone set Mac on edge. Aaron's face took on a neutral expression.

Aaron nodded and rose. "Mrs. Rigby, I hope you're enjoying the museum as much as Sarah, Sam, and I are."

"Quite," she said, giving Mac a frosty glare. "Good day."

She didn't look like she was enjoying the museum. And the look she'd just given Mac didn't bode well for either of them.

"What did I ever do to her?"

"Don't worry about it. I'll call her tomorrow and get it straightened out. Let's just enjoy the rest of our day. All right?"

Mac nodded as she lifted Sam out of his stroller to cradle him while he drank his bottle. "No one's ever thought to take me to a museum before," she remarked.

"That's because no one ever cared enough about you to think of it," Aaron replied pointedly.

"That's not true," she denied quickly.

"Oh, no? Name one man who put your wants and needs ahead of his own?" he challenged.

"Well, my Uncle Matt, for one," she answered with a fond smile.

"Family members don't really count."

Mac looked at Aaron as she lifted Sam to her shoulder to burp him. "John Farrow."

Her gentle tone convinced Aaron more than words could have that it was true. But she hadn't said Harm.

~*~

"Martin! Martin Rigby!"

"What's got your knickers in a twist?" he asked. He'd loved her for twenty-seven years, but he was well aware of her faults.

"Well!" she said indignantly. "I'll tell you what, Martin Rigby: that young pastor has got to go."

Martin led her to the couch, scratching his balding head. "Eleanor, calm down and tell me what's going on."

"I saw our pastor carrying on with that new gal--you know, that unwed mother."

"Carrying on how? Were they doing the deed in a public place or something?"

"No, they were not!" she replied aghast. "But they--"

"What were they doing, Eleanor?" Martin asked. "Where did you see them?"

"I took Julia and dear Prudence to see the dinosaur exhibit at the museum. And there they were, plain as day. And with that baby, too."

"First of all, that baby is innocent of any wrong doing," Martin said sternly, "so drop that tone. Second of all, I'm sure they weren't doing anything untoward seeing as how they had the baby with them in a public place."

Eleanor considered what her husband said and then frowned. "You're right. That poor child... Who knows what he's been exposed to."

"Eleanor..." Martin's tone held a warning tone. One she well knew after twenty-seven years of marriage. "What did you see?"

"It's not what I saw, it's what I heard," she said smugly.

"So now you're an eavesdropper?"

"I-- Well, no, of course not. They weren't making any effort to lower their voices. I just happened to be sitting behind them."

Martin rolled his eyes. "Fine. What did they say?"

"Well..." She practically licked her chops. "Aaron made the comment that she had dinosaur books all over her apartment."

"So she likes to read," said Martin with a shrug.

"No, dear. The point is: He knows there are books all over the place because he's obviously been to her apartment. That's what I heard him say."

Now Martin frowned. "Eleanor, this is a very serious charge. Are you absolutely certain of what you heard?"

"Of course, I am."

"All right. I'll talk to him about it on Monday. Meanwhile, don't say a word to anyone."

"Monday? Shouldn't you call an emergency elders meeting or something?"

"I thought you liked Aaron," Martin remarked.

"Well, I do, but...."

"Then let's give the man a chance to defend himself before we go arming the firing squad." Martin patted his wife's hand and stood. "And please remember not to discuss this with anyone, okay?"

She sniffed. "Oh, all right."

~*~

"Mornin', Pastor." Martin greeted Aaron cheerfully on Monday morning. "You got a minute or two?"

"Eleanor?" Aaron said, curious.

"Yep. Let's go into your office," Martin suggested, heading that way.

Aaron nodded and followed the older man. Aaron sat behind the desk and Martin sat in front of it.

"What'd she say?" Aaron asked.

"I'm almost embarrassed to bring this up, but... as senior elder, it's my job. You understand."

"She took Jules and Pru to see the dinosaurs."

"Yes. I took Sarah. She loved it."

"I need to ask you about Sarah, uh, Ms. MacKenzie."

"Okay," said Aaron, confused.

"Eleanor seems to have this idea that you two are... um... you know..." Martin waggled his eyebrows up and down. "Carrying on as she put it."

Aaron guffawed loudly. "What gave her that idea?"

"She says you did. She overheard you comment on Ms. MacKenzie's dinosaur books being all over her apartment. And, of course, the only way you'd know that is if you'd been there."

"Martin, when we interviewed, I explained my position on pre-marital relations. That hasn't changed any just because Sarah's a gorgeous sexy woman."

Martin smiled. "That she is." Then he sobered a bit. "I didn't think it had, but it's my job to look into these things."

"Of course it is," Aaron agreed.

"And I came straight to you for an explanation."

Aaron shrugged. "Simple. Singles fellowship group. We met at Sarah's apartment several times back in January. Other than that, I've never been to her place."

Martin beamed and slapped his hands on his thighs. "I knew it. Well then, I'll let you get back to work."

"Give my regards to Eleanor," Aaron said with a grin.

It was Martin's turn to laugh. "You know I will."

~*~

Over the next couple of months, Aaron asked Mac out on numerous occasions, sometimes including Sam and sometimes not. She never failed to be delighted by his thoughtfulness, and his demeanor with Sam was wonderful.

Work kept her busy and she fretted over Harm less and less. For the most part, Admiral Chegwidden had been solicitous in not assigning them to the same case. For that, Mac was grateful. She saw him mostly in passing and did her best to be friendly.

Staff meetings were a problem in the beginning. Since they had almost always sat together prior to their estrangement, people usually left a seat open for whichever of them arrived after the other.

Mac finally started walking in with Sturgis. Perceptive friend that he was, he understood the situation immediately and took the seat next to her. Harm was a little startled the first time, his mouth settling into a grim line, but he recovered quickly. Occasionally she opted to sit next to Harm just to prove there were no hard feelings.

The day of the second JAG-A-Thon came closer. Mac had kept to her running schedule and felt great. She had already lost all the weight she had gained during her pregnancy and then some.

And in an effort to try to reestablish their friendship, Mac invited Harm to run with her. The first time, he looked completely offended and turned her down flat.

It had hurt. A lot. But she tried to look at it from Harm's point of view. The second time she asked, he declined again, but gave her a polite and plausible excuse. Mac waited a couple of weeks before asking again, though. She didn't want him to think she was pressuring him, nor was she quite ready for another rejection.

But Harm surprised her by accepting. Their first run together was understandable uncomfortable. They exchanged stilted chitchat for the first few minutes, and then by a mutually unspoken agreement, settled into a companionably silent run.

Each time they ran, they found a little more to talk about and Mac was relieved that their friendship seemed to be on the mend.

It was inevitable. She finally had to face Harm in court. It was a complicated case, but nothing neither one of them couldn't handle. And the verdict could go either way. Should Harm win, Mac was going to offer a celebratory dinner invitation.

Mac was nervous on the first day of the trial, but her efforts had not been in vain. Harm was the same litigator he'd always been and the trial proceeded smoothly as far as the two of them were concerned. The case wound down and the verdict remained unpredictable until it was read. To her surprise, Mac won. She hoped that fact would not upset the apple cart.

"Great job, Counselor." Harm stepped across the aisle and offered her his hand.

She accepted it and his large warm hand closed around her smaller one. "Thanks, Harm. You did a great job, too. I thought the jury would go the other way, for sure."

"Yeah, well." He shrugged and turned away to get his briefcase.

Mac's heart sank. She collected her own files and notepad and stuffed them into her briefcase.

"Say, Mac?" he asked, waiting for her.

"Yeah?"

"How about dinner? Winner's choice, loser buys," he offered.

Mac smiled. "Great. I'll meet you at Caracella's at 1900."

Harm was slightly taken aback at having to meet her there, but she didn't want to give him any false impressions or hopes.

Dinner went as well as she expected. They were both a little stiff, but it was a pleasant evening all in all. Mac hoped Harm wouldn't bring up his proposal and, to her relief, he didn't.

Mac and Harm continued to run together on a regular basis, but never on the weekends. They were slowly rebuilding their bond. Until three weeks before the JAG-A-Thon. Harm had to go out of town on an investigation.

Harm's trip was fortuitous, although unbeknownst to Aaron. This was the week Aaron had decided to really push his suit. He courted Mac. He called almost every day. He sent flowers and took her on the most romantic date he could plan – without Sam.

~*~

"There's something different about Mac," Harm commented to Sturgis when he returned. "I just can't quite put my finger on what it is."

The two men stood in Harm's office watching Mac talk to Harriet in the bullpen.

"Do you think she's lost weight?" Harm asked.

"She does look a little slimmer," Sturgis agreed, "but I don't think that's what you really mean."

"Well, what do you think it is?"

Sturgis considered his response before speaking, not wanting his friend to be hurt. "I think she's fallen in love."

"Really?" Harm said hopefully, taking another look at Mac and smiling. "That's good news."

"No, Harm. Wait...." Sturgis called after Harm, but Harm was already out the door and heading for Mac. Oh, no...

"Hey, Mac," Harm greeted her with a wide smile.

Her heart constricted just a bit at the charming smile, just as it had always done. But that's as far as it went. She smiled back and replied, "Welcome back, Harm."

Her response pleased him immensely, seeming to support Sturgis's assertion of Mac's feelings.

"How'd the investigation go?" she asked.

"Uneventful," he said, still smiling.

"It was pretty quiet around here without you," she said. "I missed our runs."

Harm rocked back and forth from heel to toe, pleased. "Yeah. Me, too. Tomorrow?"

She nodded.

Mac and Harm ran together twice a week until the day of the second annual JAG-A-Thon.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Several weeks later, Admiral Chegwidden stood looking out his office window at the courtyard below. The day was sunny and bright. The kind of day when he wished he were on the ball field and not cooped up in his well-appointed office.

While being the judge advocate general had its perks, time enough for baseball wasn't one of them. He often wondered what his life would have been like had he accepted the pitching position with the Cleveland Indians rather than join the Navy.

At the sound of Tiner's voice through the intercom, Admiral Chegwidden sighed and turned back to his desk. "Admiral, your ten-thirty appointment is here."

"Thank you, Tiner. Send him in," he responded and moved around his desk to greet his guest.

Tiner opened the door, Allowing Aaron to pass into the admiral's office. "Mr. Vawter, Sir."

"Thank you, Tiner. That'll be all." Admiral Chegwidden stepped forward with an outstretched hand as the door clicked shut behind Tiner. "Welcome to JAG, Mr. Vawter. What can I do for you?"

"Good morning, Admiral," replied Aaron. "Thank you for seeing me. Sarah tells me you're a very busy man."

Sarah? Oh, Colonel MacKenzie. This must be the reason for her perpetual smile and good mood of late. But a man of the cloth? Admiral Chegwidden shook his head in amazement.

"Anyhow," Aaron continued, "I didn't know who else to go to about this." He glanced down at his shoes and then back up at the admiral. "I'm in love with Sarah, uh, Mac, I mean Colonel MacKenzie. And I want to ask her to marry me."

A huge grin broke out across the admiral's face. "Well, that's refreshing." But then his smile faded. "But I'm probably the wrong person to talk to about this."

"Oh. Well, okay. I know her father is dead and that she's estranged from her mother. I just thought you'd be the next best thing," Aaron explained.

The admiral ducked his head and crossed his arms over his chest before looking back at Aaron. "It's not going to be that easy. She does have an uncle whom she's relatively close to, but..."

"Relatively?" Aaron asked.

"He's in Leavenworth for stealing the Declaration of Independence."

"_That_ was her uncle?" Aaron asked in surprise, remembering the incident from several years ago.

Chegwidden nodded. "I think the person you should probably talk to is--"

"Harm," Aaron guessed. "But they're not even on speaking terms right now."

The admiral nodded again. "I know. But whether or not they realize it, the bond they have is stronger than that. It'll survive almost everything. Now, I think you're the right man for Mac so don't take this the wrong way...."

Aaron nodded for the admiral to continue.

"The only thing that hurt all of the colonel's and the commander's other relationships was a lack of understanding--well, maybe understanding isn't the right word; maybe trust and acceptance would be more accurate--of their friendship, in its many ups and downs."

"I'm not sure what you mean," Aaron said.

"The only thing the bond between them couldn't endure is a permanent intimate relationship. As long as you accept their friendship and trust that that's all it truly is or ever will be, then everything will work out."

"Oh." Aaron nodded, although he still wasn't entirely sure what the admiral meant.

"Let me show you to Rabb's office." The admiral walked over to the side door of his office and pulled it open. He took a couple of steps into the bullpen with Aaron right behind him. "Right there." He pointed to the first office next to his and then glanced at his watch. "Court should adjourn in ten minutes. Commander Rabb will see you then. I'm not sure when Colonel MacKenzie will return."

"She had an appointment today. She doesn't know I'm here."

Admiral Chegwidden held out his hand and smiled. "Nice to meet you again, Mr. Vawter. I'll be eager to know the outcome of your proposal."

"Thank you, Sir." The two men shook hands and Aaron headed for Harm's office.

The admiral disappeared back into his office and sat at his desk, wishing he could be a fly on Harm's office wall. Oh well. If wishes were horses... He toggled the intercom button. "Tiner, go wait for Rabb outside courtroom C and give him heads up that he has a visitor waiting in his office."

The lead panel member, a Lieutenant Commander Simkins, handed a small slip of paper to Colonel Blakely and waited. The colonel opened the folded paper and nodded before handing it back.

Simkins resumed her position in the gallery, but remained standing and announced the panel's findings: not guilty of involuntary manslaughter, guilty of conduct unbecoming, and guilty of dereliction of duty.

Colonel Blakely issued his sentence, thanked the members, and then dismissed the court with a bang of his gavel.

The lieutenant turned to Harm and offered his thanks. Harm said nothing, but nodded and shook his client's hand. He was almost sorry that Rogers hadn't been found guilty of manslaughter. He hadn't been entirely convinced of the lieutenant's innocence.

Harm picked up his briefcase and headed for the doors.

"Sir?"

"Tiner. What's up?" Harm asked, surprised to see the admiral's yeoman waiting for him.

"The admiral wanted me to let you know that you have a visitor waiting in your office," Tiner replied, falling into step behind Harm.

"Anyone I know?" Harm asked.

"Well, I'm not sure, but I think it's the colonel's friend."

"What?" Harm stopped and turned to look at Tiner. "Why?"

"That I don't know, Sir."

"All right. Thank you, Tiner," Harm said and clattered down the stairs.

Harm took a deep breath before opening the door to his office and stepping inside.

Aaron turned around at the slight clanking of the mini-blinds on the door. He'd been admiring Harm's model F-14. The two men sized each other up.

Harm saw a sharply dressed, well-groomed, and definitely well-built man standing in front of him. Aaron took in the bright shine of Harm's shoes and the crisp creases of his trousers. Harm's wing's winked against the dark blue coat and under the colorful ribbons.

Aaron spoke first. "Wow. You are larger than life, aren't you? Two distinguished flying crosses?"

"Did Mac tell you that?" Harm asked, taking the long way around his desk and setting his briefcase underneath.

"No. Your ribbons told me," Aaron replied, returning Harm's steady gaze.

"Navy?"

Aaron shook his head. "Air Force; air traffic controller for eight years."

Harm nodded in acknowledgement. "What made you separate?"

"God did."

"Oh." Harm wasn't sure how to respond to that. He continued to study his guest and wondered what Mac saw in this guy...in this pastor. Although, he had to admit that this one was a vast improvement over Brumby and Lowne, being ex-military and all, even if it was the Air Force. At least the guy knew the meaning of duty, honor, and courage. "What can I do for you?" Harm finally asked.

Aaron swallowed. This wasn't going to be easy, but something occurred to him. "To be honest, nothing for me. I came in this morning to speak with the admiral about asking for Sarah's hand."

Harm crossed his hands over his chest and lifted an eyebrow as if to ask 'So why are you here?'

"He referred me to you," Aaron answered the unspoken question.

Harm snorted. "For Christ's sake, why?" He immediately realized his faux pas and apologized.

Ignoring Harm's outburst, Aaron continued, "I'm in love with her and I want to propose. But I'm a traditional kind of guy and I wanted to speak with someone she respects and looks up to. She had said that the admiral was like a father to her."

Harm's eyebrows rose again.

"But he said I should talk to you."

"Me? Why?"

"You know, suddenly I'm wondering the same thing. But it's okay. Sarah has shared your history with me, and now that I think about it, it's appropriate." Aaron looked Harm in the eye. "Commander Rabb, I want your blessing to marry Sarah. I'm not asking permission because, frankly, it's not yours to give. But I know it would hurt Sarah tremendously if you weren't happy for her. I realize it might be difficult for you right now."

Harm narrowed his eyes at this usurper. "What would you know about it?"

"I know that you proposed to her awhile back," Aaron replied respectfully.

"I guess you know she turned me down," Harm said, locking eyes with the pastor.

Aaron held Harm's gaze and nodded slowly.

"Was that your doing?"

"I don't know how much influence I had on her decision."

"Are you saying that you didn't try to convince her not to marry me?" Harm asked in disbelief.

"Yes."

Harm looked skeptical.

"Commander, when she came to me seeking counsel about your proposal, I sent her away. I was falling in love with her and knew that I'd be unable to offer her unbiased advice. She spoke with one of the senior ladies in the church who helps me with pre-marital counseling."

"Did she know about your feelings for her?"

"She did. But Mrs. Wheeler didn't unless Sarah mentioned it. Sarah had already told me everything about the two of you. It would have seemed strange if, all of a sudden, I refused to counsel her without giving her a logical and honest reason."

Harm nodded. "And you want my blessing?"

Aaron shrugged. "I don't want it, but Sarah will need it. I won't make her choose between us. In the end, I'd lose anyway."

Harm turned away and looked out the window. "You're a bigger man than I am, Mr. Vawter."

"Call me Aaron."

Harm nodded acknowledgement. "Did she tell you about Brumby?" He remained looking out the window.

"She did."

"I never liked him and he never liked me. I always told her I was happy for her, but I never really was." Somehow, it was easy to confess all this to Aaron. He knew it all anyway. "Brumby never wanted to love her for who she really was. I mean, he gave her things. Things I never did. But he never loved her the way she deserved."

Aaron listened respectfully, not wanting to interrupt Harm. He knew it must be hard for this man to say these kinds of things, especially to him.

"Well, for that matter, neither did I. And we've both paid the price." Harm was silent for a moment, lost in his thoughts. "I can see that that you love her for who she is and in the way she deserves. I've never seen her look more..."

"Happy?"

"Beautiful," Harm whispered to the window. Aaron barely heard it. Harm cleared his throat and continued, "She asked me once what I wanted most. I told her I never wanted to lose her. That's still true, but I guess I've finally run out of chances."

"Commander, I won't pretend to know how you're feeling, but I certainly appreciate your honesty. I would never ask her to give up her friendship with you. It's too much a part of her and I would never ask her to sever that tie. A part of her would cease to exist." Aaron did understand the admiral, after all.

"Did she say that?" Harm asked.

"No. She probably doesn't even realize it herself. But it's in the way she talks about you, thinks about you. Feels about you."

"Mr. Vaw--Aaron, I would never cross the line."

"I never thought you would," Aaron replied. Then he quietly left Harm's office.

Lost in his thoughts, Harm never heard the door open or close.

Aaron left JAG with filled with solemn thoughts. He didn't pretend to understand how Harm felt, but he could imagine. If he ever lost Sarah...

He lifted a short, but heartfelt petition to the Lord on Harm's behalf. Hopefully, God would put his perfect plan into motion soon.

Aaron then turned his thoughts to Sarah and immediately his spirit lifted. He supposed he should still call her uncle. He wondered how much longer Colonel O' Hara's sentence was.

Next he had to plan the proposal. He wanted it to be perfect, but what would Sarah consider perfect? An expensive dinner at an elegant restaurant? Would she want Sam to be present or would she prefer it to be just the two of them? As the ideas whirled through his mind, a plan began to take shape.

Once back at the church, he called and left a message for Mac at home, inviting her over for a small informal dinner with their fellowship group. That would be sure to keep her from suspecting anything.

~*~

"Thanks for helping me Abby. You're the only one who knows that I'm going to propose to Sarah."

Abby had finally realized that Aaron and Sarah were meant to be. "I'm so excited, Aaron," she said, with a smile.

"You just need to make sure that Sarah is the last one to leave."

"I'll do my best."

Aaron did one last check of the meal and then started a crackling fire in the fireplace just as the first guests started to arrive.

The dinner was wonderful and the fellowship was satisfying. Their meetings had been hit or miss since the holidays and it was good to be together again. Everyone sat around the fire for awhile chatting and catching up until Ben finally called it a night. One by one everyone else bid Aaron and Abigail good night. Including Mac. Aaron looked at his sister in panic.

Abigail nodded calmly at him. "Sarah, could I speak with you in the kitchen?"

Mac nodded and followed her into the other room as Aaron bid goodbye to the others.

"What's up, Abigail?" Mac asked.

"Um, uh..." Abigail floundered for a good idea. "I hate to ask, but can you stay just a few minutes and help me clean up the kitchen?"

"Well, I really need to get Sam," she said.

"Just fifteen minutes. Please," Abby almost begged. "I know it's a terrible thing to do. Aaron'll kill me, but I can't face this mess alone. He's obviously a very messy cook."

"I heard that," Aaron said, dryly, entering the kitchen.

"Well, if the shoe fits," Abigail retorted with a chuckle.

"Never mind, Abigail. Just fill up the sink with hot soapy water and dump it all in there. I'll deal with it tomorrow." He turned to Mac. "Sarah, come sit with me for a few minutes."

"I really need to get Sam," she said again.

"Actually, you don't. I called the sitter. You've got thirty more minutes; I'm paying."

"Aaron, you don't have to do that."

"I know I don't. Please." Aaron took her hand and led her to the living room.

"I'll be done in just a moment," Abigail remarked.

Mac fully expected her to join them, Aaron being such a stickler about having a chaperone, but five minutes later she heard the front door open and shut.

She looked at Aaron in surprise. "We're alone?"

He nodded and patted the sofa cushion next to him.

Her started racing as she sat close to him.

"How are things with Harm?" he asked, but mentally kicked himself. Why did he even want to bring up the other man's name tonight of all nights?

Mac's heart slowed way down. She nodded slowly. "Okay, I guess. We run together a couple of times a week, but that's not real conducive to having a conversation. I'm trying not to give him any false hopes or anything."

Aaron nodded and changed the subject. "So how is Sam doing?"

Mac smiled at the thought of her son. "He's great. He's beginning to babble and he can roll over now."

Aaron returned her smile. "That's really great. And how are you?" He looked intently at her. Studying her face. Glancing at her lips. Looking into her eyes.

Her started beating a little faster and she swallowed the small lump that formed. "Oh, well...I'm okay. Tabitha is great with Sam and that's good for me. He's almost like a part of their family when he's there."

"That's great." The urge to kiss her swept through his body. But the desire to wait was stronger. At least for the moment.

"Aaron, is something wrong? You seem a little preoccupied," she asked, licking her lips in nervousness.

It was almost Aaron's undoing. He blinked a few times and looked into the flames. But that wasn't helping because all he wanted to imagine was the way the shadows would play across her body.

He looked back at her and was lost. He moved toward her slowly, watching her eyes flicker from his mouth to his eyes and back. They finally closed altogether when he was close enough to...

He jumped to his feet startling them both.

"Aaron, what's wrong?" she asked again, rising to her feet.

"Sarah, do you remember what I told you a while back?"

"Specifically?" she asked.

He took a breath. "Sarah, I'm in love with you. I want to marry you. I need to marry you before I explode into a million pieces from wanting you so badly. I want Sam to be my son. I want to be his daddy."

Mac blinked a couple of times as his declarations imprinted themselves into her brain. He wants Sam. He wants me... Tears filled her eyes. "Oh, Aaron."

He reached into his pant pocket and then dropped to one knee. "Sarah, will you marry me?"

The small diamond sat in an antique platinum setting. It winked at her in the firelight. Mac's tears overflowed and spilled down her cheeks. She looked at Aaron and nodded.

He took her hand and slid the ring on. It was a perfect fit.

Mac sniffed. "It's beautiful. Thank you."

"It was my grandmother's and you're very welcome," he replied and leaned in to place a soft kiss on her cheek.

She turned her head to try and steal a kiss, but Aaron wouldn't allow it. "I can't, Sarah. Not with the way I feel right now. When I kiss you for the first time. I want it to be as man and wife. It'll probably kill me to have to wait till our wedding night for the rest, but we can give the guests something to hoot and holler about, all right?" he asked with a wink.

She smiled back and nodded. "All right."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

All the runners and their cheering squads gathered in Rock Creek Park at eight am on a bright Saturday morning. At eight thirty, Harriet shot the starting gun and seven of JAG's finest took off.

As the hours and the miles passed, the field strung out and, with the exception of Bud, the same group of runners were in the lead. Sturgis and Harm pulled away from Mac, who was beginning to run out of steam.

Aaron and Tabitha, along with four-month-old Sam, cheered her on. But just as she began to pour on the power, Harm collapsed in front of her. She screamed his name in panic and raced over to his still form.

"Harm," she called out to him.

He groaned in response. "Hhhurts..." Mac's scream had alerted everyone to the emergency and a group of spectators circled them, including Aaron, who frowned at Mac's reaction. "Someone call 9-1-1," she yelled.

Harriet zoomed over in the golf cart she had procured for the event. She hopped off the cart with a first aid kit. "Colonel, what's wrong with the commander?" she asked urgently.

"I'm not sure, Harriet, but I don't think a first aid kit will help." Mac leaned in and spoke softly to Harm, brushing her hand gently across his forehead. Finally, a siren was heard in the distance and moments later a pair of EMTs came racing over with a stretcher.

Mac watched through blurry eyes when Harm was wheeled away. Aaron stood next to her, alarmed by the intensity of her fear for Harm. He paid Tabitha to keep Sam for the rest of the day and drove Mac to the hospital to wait for news of Harm.

The trip to the hospital was short. Mac was preoccupied with Harm's unknown condition and was oblivious to Aaron's resentment.

Although Aaron already knew about Mac's feelings toward her longtime friend and partner, actually seeing them in action was altogether something different. For the first time, Aaron began to doubt his certainty that he and Mac were meant to be together.

The majority of JAG personnel from Rock Creek Park had ended up at the hospital. Sturgis had been awarded first prize once again even though no one officially crossed the finish line.

The admiral, Bud, and Harriet sat quietly waiting for word. Mac and Petty Officer Coates paced the waiting room, and Aaron stood staring out the window. He prayed earnestly for the doctors and for Harm. He knew Abigail was working today and hoped she'd been available for Harm's case. He also knew that Harm would be okay.

What he didn't know was whether or not he and Sarah would be okay. He tried confessing his anger and his jealousy to God, but Sarah's continued pacing and worry wouldn't allow him to give it up so easily.

"Sarah," he said abruptly, startling everyone. "I'm going to get some fresh air."

"All right," she said, barely glancing in his direction.

Aaron shook his head and left the waiting room.

The admiral shook his head as well. "Colonel?"

She stopped pacing and turned to her CO. "Sir?"

"Perhaps you ought to follow your friend," he suggested. "Someone will come get you if we hear anything."

"Oh, I'm sure he's fine, Admiral," she said. "He just needed some air."

Admiral Chegwidden frowned. For such an intelligent woman, she could be incredibly dense sometimes. But it wasn't his place to interfere. Either it would work out or it wouldn't.

Petty Officer Coates, not having been at JAG during the last Harm-centered crisis, didn't realize the full importance of the admiral's suggestion. But she did realize that the colonel was probably making a mistake in not going after Aaron. As she passed Mac, she spoke quietly, "Can I speak with you, ma'am?"

"What?" asked Mac, agitated. "Now?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Coates insisted and stepped into the hallway. Mac followed. "You should really go after Mr. Vawter, Ma'am. He looked pretty upset."

"Excuse me, Petty Officer," Mac said, now a little perturbed at Coates audacity.

Coates held up her hands. "I know it's really none of my business, Ma'am, but he really did look angry. And I've gotten to know the admiral well enough to know that he usually doesn't interfere unless it's important."

Mac looked a little confused.

"His suggestion that you follow your friend outside," Coates said. "He knows something I don't, Ma'am." She took her leave, leaving Mac to try and figure it out.

Mic. Mac gasped quietly as she realized what the admiral must have been remembering: her emotional reaction to Harm being lost in the Atlantic on the eve of her and Mic's wedding. A wedding and an engagement that ended up being called off altogether because of those emotions.

Mac went in search of Aaron and found him in the hospital courtyard, pulling the petals off a daisy one by one.

He loves me, he loves me not, she thought to herself. "Hey," she called out softly instead. "What's going on? Are you all right?"

Aaron stood as she approached. "No, I don't think I am, Sarah. For the first time, I'm questioning the wisdom of getting married."

Mac's hands went cold and her stomach dropped. "What do you mean?" she asked quietly.

"I'm talking about how you totally freaked out when Harm collapsed."

"He's my best friend and my partner," she argued. "What did you expect?"

Aaron shook his head. "I don't know, Sarah. Honestly...I don't think you're completely over him."

Mac gasped softly. "Aaron, I--"

"Ma'am, Sir?" called Petty Officer Coates tentatively from the door. They both looked over at her. "Commander Rabb is out of surgery."

Mac nodded and thanked her. "We'll be right there."

Coates nodded in return and disappeared back inside.

"Come on, Sarah, let's go make sure he's okay," Aaron said, moving toward the door.

"Aaron, wait. Don't you want to talk this out?"

"Not right now, okay? Harm's well-being is more important right now, don't you think?"

"I'm sure Harm is fine. Coates would have said som--"

"Sarah, this isn't exactly the best place to have that kind of conversation," he said, looking around.

Mac looked around, too, and blushed, not having realized how many others were out there. Others who had probably overheard their whole conversation. She nodded and followed him back inside and up to the second floor waiting room.

Aaron took a seat near the windows and Mac sat next to the admiral. Bud and Harriet exchanged a concerned glance.

"How are you feeling, Commander?" Abigail asked, checking Harm's pulse.

Harm blinked against the light and turned toward the voice. "Where...?" he asked in a raspy voice.

"You're at Columbia Hospital. Do you remember what happened?"

"Pain," he said. "Fell."

"Your appendix burst during the JAG A Thon. You were brought here for an emergency appendectomy." Abigail placed a gentle hand on his arm. "How are you feeling?" she asked again.

Harm finally opened his eyes and focused on Abigail. "It hurts."

She nodded. "Okay. The anesthesia is wearing off. I'll get the doctor and he'll be able to get you some meds. Then I'm going to let all your friends know that you're okay."

Harm nodded.

Abigail approached the motley group assembled in the OR waiting room. Aaron stood when he saw her coming, alerting the others. Mac and Admiral Chegwidden rose as well.

"How is he?" Mac asked.

"He's finally awake. All his vitals are good, but he's in a lot of pain right now. Dr. McSwain is with him now. He'll probably give him some pain meds and then he'll probably be out for awhile. He won't be allowed visitors tonight."

Mac's shoulders drooped, but she nodded. "Abigail, tell him I'm praying for him, would you?"

"Of course, I will, Sarah. Now, go home and get some rest."

"Take good care of him, Abby," Mac said softly.

"You know I will."

"Come on, Sarah, I'll take you home," Aaron offered, taking her arm.

"I need to get Sam," she said.

The drive to the sitter's house was quiet. Mac's mind was on Harm. Aaron's mind was on Mac's reaction to Harm's collapse and subsequent surgery.

She completely freaked out--especially over someone who was just her partner and her friend. And their friendship was still strained as far as Aaron knew.

They were more than friends.

But that was six months ago.

Well, maybe she's not as over him as she says.

Aaron shook his head to clear the voices as he pulled into the sitter's driveway.

"What?" asked Mac, noticing the gesture.

"Nothing," he denied.

"Are you sure?" she asked, realizing something was really bothering him.

"Go get Sam," he said, not looking at her. "We'll talk later."

She exited the car and was back a few minutes later with Sam in her arms and the diaper bag slung over her shoulder. She buckled a sleepy Sam into his car seat and they were on their way.

The trip to Mac's apartment was silent until Aaron parked the car. "I'll carry him up in the car seat." Aaron's tone was distant.

Mac merely nodded and grabbed the diaper bag and her keys and led the way upstairs.

Aaron set the car seat down gently in a shadowed corner of the living room and headed back toward the door.

"Aaron, wait..."

He stopped and turned to look at her.

"Something's bothering you," she said, moving toward him. "Let's talk about it." She pouted slightly, deliberately. She saw his eyes flicker to her lips.

"I don't want to talk about it right now, Sarah," he said tersely.

Needing a little comfort after the tension of the day, Mac set out to get it the wrong way. It had always been so easy to smooth Mic over by simply appealing to his baser instincts.

She placed her hand on Aaron's chest and stepped closer. "Aaron, please..." she said softly. "Don't be mad at me." She looked up at him with wide eyes.

In an instant, he crushed her to him, plundering her mouth. The sparks of need shot through her. It had been a very long time, after all. She tried to slide her arm up and around his neck.

"No!" He set her firmly away from him.

Mac blinked when he pushed her away. The emotion in his eyes warred between anger and desire. The anger won.

"Don't use sex as a weapon. It's unbecoming," he said flatly and walked out.

Mac felt as if she'd been slapped. She put her fingertips against her lips, remembering the exquisite feel of his mouth on hers. What just happened here?

Mortification flooded through her as realization struck. She had just practically propositioned him. Oh, God, what have I done? How am I going to face him tomorrow? Please forgive me, God. Please let Aaron forgive me.

~*~

"Hello, Commander." Abigail entered Harm's hospital room again. "Feeling any better?"

"Much." Harm nodded groggily.

"I see that you've been given some Demerol," she said, checking his chart.

"Good schtuff..."

"Commander--"

"Hharmm..."

"All right. Harm. Your friends and co-workers wanted me to tell you they were here. Sarah said she'll be praying for you."

"Sharahh?" His brows furrowed slightly.

"Your friend," Abigail explained, "Colonel MacKenzie."

"Oh." He nodded. "Mac." His eyes drooped heavily. "Wouldn't marry me...loves a priest."

"I don't think that's why she wouldn't marry you, Harm."

"How you know?" Harm asked, trying to focus on Abigail's face.

"Because Sarah and I are friends, and that priest is my brother."

"Why then?"

"Are you saved, Harm?" Abigail asked.

"Sure. I've been saved lots..."

Abigail shook her head. "That's not what I meant, but I'll interpret it to mean no."

"'Kay..." Harm's eyed finally closed and his breathing evened out.

"We'll talk tomorrow," Abigail said, patting his arm.

"Kay..." Harm said again in a whisper.

~*~

Aaron berated himself for his lack of self-control all the way home. Then he groaned, remembering the feel of her supple and willing body in his arms. He'd been tempted for so long. And up until tonight she'd never done anything on purpose to entice him.

He'd never seen that look on her face before. It was one of need. She was practically begging him to...

To what?

Bed her? That would never happen before the marriage. He had more self-control than that, didn't he? Or did he? And surely she wouldn't ask it of him. Would she? He'd lost control so easily. All she'd had to do was purse those luscious lips and he'd snapped.

Had she only wanted a kiss? Well, she'd gotten one. And what a doozy it was. At least, for him. He hoped she was satisfied. Especially after he'd just explained that he wanted to wait until they were man and wife for their first kiss. And if she couldn't respect a simple thing like that, how was she going to deal with everything else?

Aaron stewed about it all the way home, ignoring the still, small voice in the back of his mind.

~*~

"Good morning, Mr. Rabb," said a pleasant voice, pulling Harm from the last tendrils of sleep. "Your breakfast is here."

Harm opened his eyes. "Who are you?"

The short, redheaded dynamo said, "I'm Patty."

"Where's the nurse from last night?"

"Abigail?" she supplied and began taking his vital signs.

He nodded.

"She went home. But she'll be back tonight at seven. Did you need something?"

Harm shook his head. "We were supposed to talk about something."

"Well, as I said, she'll be back tonight. How's the pain?"

"Tolerable." He grimaced as shifted in the bed. "For now."

"Don't be a hero, okay? If it gets any worse, just call. I'll be happy to administer a dose." She patted her hip and winked a twinkling brown eye at him. Then she scooted the rolling table over his lap and admonished him to eat.

He smiled after her disappearing figure.

~*~

Aaron lay in bed waiting for the alarm to sound. As he waited, the still, small voice finally made itself heard. He slid from under the covers and knelt beside his bed.

I know, Lord. Forgive me my lack of self-control. I was so sure she was the one, Father.

_Aaron..._

I just don't know. Her feelings for Harm are so strong. I don't know if I can compete. Not only that, but her behavior last night was...

_Aaron..._

...was just so, so...shocking. Father, please help me to understand. In Jesus' name I pray.

_Sigh..._

Aaron made his bed and headed for the shower, debating as to what he should say to Sarah when he saw her. Aaron spotted her in the congregation, but she didn't seek him out to apologize before she left.

~*~

Church had been over and done with for an hour. The congregation had long since gone, as had the Sunday school teachers and nursery workers.

Aaron sat in his office and contemplated the events of the last couple of days. He was having a difficult time fitting the pieces together in his mind.

Martin Rigby stuck his head in Aaron's office to say good-bye. "The church is all settled for the day, Pastor. Real nice sermon."

"Thanks, Martin," Aaron replied half-heartedly. "Say, Martin? You got a few minutes?"

"Sure thing, Aaron," Martin said. He came in and took a seat. "What's on your mind?"

"It's Sarah."

Martin nodded for the younger man to continue. It was obviously a serious situation since Aaron lacked the usual smile that accompanied any mention of his sweetheart.

"She's not the woman I thought she was."

"Well, now," said Martin, quietly. "Why do you say that?"

"She threw herself at me the other night, Martin," Aaron explained. "I had just dropped her and Sam off and she just, just looked at me that way. And she was touching me. And I lost control, Martin."

"What'd you do, Aaron?" the older man asked, with just a tiny hint of worry.

Aaron hung his head a bit. "Well, I grabbed her and kissed her, of course. Thoroughly, too. Passionately," he admitted, slightly appalled at himself.

"Oh, is that all?" Relief tinged Martin's voice.

Aaron looked up at Martin with large eyes. "What do you mean is that all? She practically dragged me off to her bedroom. And she knows how I feel about pre-marital anything."

"Did she, now?" Martin asked, contemplating, his voice holding a hint of disbelief and a tint of amusement. "Wasn't that the day you all spent over at the hospital?"

"Yes," Aaron said, but shook his head, wondering what that had to do with anything.

"Wasn't that fellow her close friend?"

"Yes." Anger coursed through him as he remembered Sarah's overreaction to Harm's collapse.

"And she was worried about him?"

"Yes."

"I see."

"What do you see?"

"Well, I think you're making a mountain out of a mole--"

"But sh-she..."

Martin held up his hand to stay Aaron's indignation. "Pastor, you're a smart man and a fair man, but right now you're judgment is being colored by your emotions. And despite the fact that you are a man after God's own heart, you are only human."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Aaron asked.

"Look, all I'm going to say is this: stones and glass houses and logs and splinters." Martin slapped his hands on his thighs and rose. "You take care, Pastor. I'll see you tomorrow. And don't let the green-eyed monster get the better of you."

Aaron shook his head as the older man left. He who lives in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. But logs and splinters? Oh, yes, Matthew 7, verse 3. He grabbed his Bible and opened it to the verse in question.

Beginning with verse 1, he read, 'Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.'

Where did the green-eyed monster fit into all of this? He certainly wasn't jealous of Harm. Was he? Aaron closed the Bible and grabbed his keys. It was time to go home and then to fellowship group.

~*~

"Aaron, it's only two o'clock. What are you doing here?" Abigail was surprised to see her brother.

"I know. I'm sorry. I need to talk to you," he explained, running a hand through his hair as stepped into her living room.

"What's going on, Aaron?" she asked, concerned. She hadn't seen him like this in a very long time.

"It's Sarah. We've had a, a, a... I don't know what we had, but it's not good." He sat on the couch, while she perched on the armchair.

"Tell me what happened," she invited.

Aaron explained what had transpired the day before. "I talked to Martin about it earlier," he added. "He thinks I'm jealous of Harm."

Abigail contemplated Aaron's tale for a few moments. "No, you're not jealous of Harm per se, but you are jealous of Sarah's strong feelings for him. You think that because she's in love with you, now, her feelings for Harm should just be turned off like the faucet. It doesn't work that way.

"In time her feelings will mellow out, but they will remain strong. Harm has been her anchor and her rock for a very long time. You can't just expect her not to react or overreact when something happens regarding him."

"I can't believe this," Aaron replied. "My own sister turning against me." But he wasn't really upset. He knew she was the voice of reason for him right now. Martin had been right about one thing. He was reacting emotionally rather than logically. "I don't think she's going to come this afternoon."

Abigail shook her head. "No. She called a little while ago and said she wasn't going to make it. She's going to visit Harm."

Aaron's mouth settled into a grim line.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Mac peeked her head inside Harm's hospital room. "Hi, Harm."

"Mac," he said, looking toward the door at the sound of her voice.

"You up for some company?"

"Sure," he said, raising the head of his bed up just a little.

"I brought Sam," she said, wheeling in the stroller. "He just fell asleep so we'll have some quiet time."

Harm looked down at the sleeping baby. Harm hadn't seen him very much since his birth four months ago. "He's beautiful, Mac."

Touched by Harm's words, she smiled tentatively. "Thanks."

He looked up at her then, their gazes locking for a long moment, the air filled with tension and longing. Mac's breath caught in her throat. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"For?"

"For saying no."

"Then change your mind."

They continued to stare at each other for a few more moments, until Mac sighed. "I wish I could, Harm, but it's too late."

"It's that pastor, isn't it?"

Mac hugged herself and looked down at Sam before looking back up at Harm. "It wasn't, Harm. I swear," she pleaded with him to believe her.

He nodded. "And now?"

She nodded, unable to say the words, but held up her left hand to show him the ring.

He closed his eyes against the hurt, thankful that his physical pain would dull the emotional pain.

"Harm..." Her voice wobbled. "I'm sor--"

"Don't be sorry, and don't say it," he said, not opening his eyes.

She nodded. "I guess I'd better go."

Harm didn't reply.

Mac wiped the moisture from her cheeks with a trembling hand and then pushed the stroller from the room.

Moments later, at Harm's call, Patty came in. She had noticed how upset his visitor had been when she left. "What can I do for you?"

"Can I get that shot now?" he asked, his voice husky. "And no more visitors."

Patty nodded. "I'll be right back." She was back in a few minutes with a syringe and an alcohol prep pad.

Harm gingerly rolled to his side, exposing his boxer covered six. Patty tugged his waistband down and swabbed the fleshy part of Harm's hip. "Here comes the stick," she warned gently.

"Thanks," he muttered as he rolled onto his back again.

"No problem. You need anything else?"

Harm closed his eyes and shook his head.

"The Demerol won't cure a broken heart," she said gently.

Harm opened his eyes and looked into her sympathetic gaze. "No, but it'll ease the pain for awhile."

Patty smiled and patted Harm's hand. "Sweet dreams."

Harm snorted. "Yeah, right."

_Harm awoke to the sound of a crying baby. He rolled out of bed and stumbled into the nursery. What time was it anyway? He pressed the button on his watch and tried to focus on the hands and numbers. Ugh...zero-zero-forty-six._

"_Sshhh... Michaela..." He spoke over the baby's cries. Her large blue eyes swam with tears and she reached her chubby arms out to him._

"_Not again, Michaela," he said, lifting her from the butterfly laden crib. He cradled her against his chest and began bouncing her and jiggling and pacing. "Honey, please stop crying. Daddy needs sleep."_

"_Mum, mum, mum..." the nine-month old cried._

"_Mommy's at work, sweetheart. How about a song?" Harm moved to the rocking chair and sat down. Over Michaela's wails, he began to sing. "Hush little baby, don't say a word, daddy's going to buy you a mockingbird..."_

_He held her close to his chest and the deep timbre of his voice finally got her attention. "And if that mockingbird don't sing, daddy's going to buy you a diamond ring..."_

_The baby gradually quieted and Harm lowered his voice incrementally. With a few mild shuddering breaths, Michaela finally relaxed and dropped her head to Harm's chest. Harm continued to rock and sing until they both drifted off to sleep._

"Harm, wake up." A familiar voice gently called his name.

He blinked as he awoke and focused on the face in front of him. "Abigail?" he asked groggily.

"Yes, it's me, Harm," she said.

"What time is it?"

"It's a little after one am," she said.

"Did you just get home?"

"Home?" she asked, confused.

Harm looked around and realized that he was still in the hospital. "I'm sorry. I was dreaming," he explained. "You woke me up at the same time I was being woken up in my dream."

She nodded.

"You said one am?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Why did you wake me up?" he wanted to know.

"I was getting worried about you. Patty said you'd been asleep since about four-thirty yesterday afternoon." As she spoke, she took his vitals and logged them on his chart. "Patty told me you were asking for me." She didn't mention that Patty had also told her about Mac's visit and her emotional departure. But she didn't mention it.

He nodded. "You said we'd talk."

"I'm surprised you remember. The Demerol was flowing pretty well. You were going to tell me how many times you'd been saved."

"And you said that that's not what you were talking about."

"It wasn't," she agreed with a nod. "So, how many times have you been saved?"

"Too many," he replied. He shrugged as if it were no big deal and said, "Six."

"All from plane crashes?" she asked, feigning only mild interest. Inside, she blanched at the implications.

"Mac told you?"

"Only that you're also a pilot."

"Actually, only three times from plane crashes--"

"Only three?"

Harm nodded. "Once from a crazed corpsman on a submarine, and twice from myself."

"Sound like you have some interesting stories to tell," Abigail said mildly.

Harm shrugged again. "Maybe... What were you talking about?"

"Being saved from an eternity in hell."

Harm was a little taken aback. "You think I'm going to hell? You don't even know me."

"All I need to know is if you've ever accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?"

"I believe in God and the Bible," he said, defensively, remembering one of his and Mac's conversations.

"That's great, Harm, but do you know what the Bible says about salvation?" she asked pointedly.

Harm shook his head.

"Do you want to know?"

Harm shrugged again. "What does this have to do with why Mac wouldn't marry me?"

"Mac," she said, not liking the masculine moniker for her friend, "accepted Christ. She got saved and became a believer. Not only in Christ, but in what the Bible says. And," she continued gently, "the Bible says that Christians should not marry non-Christians. It was so hard for her, Harm. Honestly. She loves you very much. But if you are not a Christian, she did the right thing."

Harm turned away from her and closed his eyes. He didn't want to hear it.

Softly she said, "Ecclesiastes 3:4 'A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance.' " Harm didn't respond. "If you need anything else, just call."

Harm nodded curtly. Only the slight squeak of her shoes on the tile told him she'd left his room. He opened his eyes and allowed a lone tear slid down his cheek.

~*~

Monday morning, following the JAG-a-Thon, Mac arrived at headquarters early. She checked her voice and email messages, but found nothing exciting and nothing from Aaron. Not that she really expected to hear from him. She grabbed her briefcase and headed for the bullpen. "Coates, I won't be back into the office until late this afternoon. I have a couple of interviews to conduct down at Norfolk."

"Aye, aye, Ma'am," the petty officer responded crisply. "Have a safe trip, Colonel."

Mac nodded in response and walked to the elevators. Once she passed the rush hour of downtown Falls Church and got onto the open road of Highway 95, Mac's thoughts drifted to Aaron and what had happened between them Saturday night.

She groaned again in frustration. She picked up her cell phone and dialed Abigail's number.

"Hello?"

"Abigail, it's Sarah. Can we talk?"

"Um, sure, Sarah. Where are you? What's going on?"

"I'm on my way to Norfolk, right now," she explained. "It's Aaron. Something happened, and I don't know what to do."

"Is Aaron in Norfolk?" Abby asked, slightly confused.

Mac chuckled. "No. As far as I know Aaron is wherever he normally should be right now. I have a couple of interviews down there. I'm driving." Mac got quiet for a moment. "I love him, Abby. More than anything. I don't want to lose him."

Abby was relieved to hear this. She knew Aaron was a little blind due to the depth of his own feelings for the other woman, but she was finally convinced that God had brought Aaron and Sarah together. She didn't want to lose Sarah as a friend or a sister-in-law over a misunderstanding. "I know, Sarah. Have you prayed about it?"

"No, not really," Mac admitted. "I guess I should have thought of that right away, huh?"

"Well, after going it alone for so long, sometimes it's hard for new Christians to remember to pray about everything. Why don't you keep your eyes on the road, but lift up everything that's in your heart to God. He'll show you the way."

The two women rang off and Mac thought about what Abigail had said. Aaron had insisted for so long that he was certain it was God who'd brought them together. Surely God hadn't played a huge joke on them both. God had allowed this to play out for a reason, right?

Feeling a little more confident, Mac finally laid her hurts, her fears, her uncertainty, and everything else at the Lord's feet.

_Help me, Lord. I love this man. I want to marry this man. I'll do whatever it takes to make it right._

She poured out her heart for most of the rest of her trip. A few tears trickled down her cheeks, but by the time she reached Norfolk, Mac felt more at peace than she had before. She wasn't sure how, but she knew that she and Aaron would make up and eventually be married.

The interviews ended up taking a little longer than anticipated with one needing to be postponed until the following morning. She would have to spend the night at Norfolk's VOQ. She called the admiral and then Tabitha to make sure it was okay for Sam to stay overnight. She thought about calling Aaron, but wasn't quite sure what to say yet.

~*~

Mac wandered around her room in the VOQ. Despite having cable, there was nothing on TV worth her time. Her thoughts wandered all the way back to Mic and the ebb and flow of their relationship. What had killed it? Her feelings for Harm. Feelings that she had never really explored or dealt with. She didn't want that to happen again. But it wouldn't. Because she had dealt with them. She'd been given a chance to explore them and found that a relationship with Harm wasn't all it should have been. At least not for her. And then Sam happened. And then God. And then Aaron. And she didn't want to lose him. What would it take to keep him? An apology? Groveling? Begging? She'd do whatever it took.

~*~

The drive back to DC was uneventful. Mac prayed on and off the whole way. As she neared the beltway, the need to see Aaron and talk to him overwhelmed her. Unfortunately, she would have swing by the office first to check in. Her cell phone rang as she neared the exit for headquarters.

"MacKenzie."

"Colonel, if you were planning on coming in to the office, don't," boomed Admiral Chegwidden. "The building is being evacuated due to some gaseous fumes. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thank you, Sir," she said, and continued past the Falls Church exit. She ended the call and threw the phone into her purse. "And thank you, God."

It took her another ten minutes to reach the church. She hurried into the church offices and headed straight for Aaron's office. "Is he here?" she called to the receptionist as she passed through.

"Yes, but--"

"No buts. I have to see him," Mac said firmly.

Aaron, having heard her voice came rushing from his office and gently took hold of her arms. "Sarah, what's wrong? Is it Sam?"

"No." She shook her head. "Sam's fine. I'm sorry, Aaron. I'm so sorry. I love you, Aaron. Please forgive me." Tears threatened, but she fought them.

He looked into her eyes, reading the emotions swirling and churning inside her_. She came to me, asking forgiveness for something that was partly my fault. She didn't even point a finger in my direction._

Aaron swept her into his arms. "I'm the one who's sorry, Sarah," he said into her hair. "I behaved badly, but, as sure as God is on His throne, I need you so badly. Can you forgive me?"

She began to laugh. "Oh, yes."

He looked into her eyes again. "Will you still marry me?"

She nodded. "Oh, thank you, God, yes!" And, finally, the tears spilled down her cheeks.

~*~

Harm remained in the hospital for a week and had another couple of weeks of medical leave before the doctor would clear him to return to duty.

About halfway through his leave, Harm sat at his computer reading the Navy Times Online, bored out of his mind.

All his co-workers had called or stopped by. Except Mac. Not that she hadn't called, because she had. But she had this uncanny knack for calling while he was out running errands or in the shower. She always left a pleasant message, but one that never encouraged him to call her back.

Harm was startled by the ring of the telephone at his elbow. He picked it, half-hoping, half-fearing it was Mac. "Rabb."

"Hello, Commander," said a pleasant female voice. Not Mac, but still familiar. "This is Abigail Vawter. I was one of your nurses while you were in the hospital."

Harm nodded. "Hello, Ms. Vawter. What can I do for you?"

"Oh. Well, I was just calling to see how you were doing?"

"Is this an official call, Ma'am?" Harm asked, curious. The hospital had called just a few hours ago to check up on him.

"No, not really. It's just that...you've been on my mind and, as I said, I wanted to see how you were."

"Well, physically, I'm fine. I went in yesterday. Everything is healing up nicely," he told her, smiling into the receiver.

"And other than physically?" she asked.

"I'm bored silly," he admitted. "I'm not used to just sitting around healing."

Abigail chuckled. "No, I don't suppose you are. How about a Slurpee from 7-Eleven?" she asked, shocking herself. The invitation had just slipped out.

"A Slurpee?" Harm asked, also surprised.

"Well, it's really too hot for coffee, don't you think?"

He smiled. "I suppose so."

"Great. There's a 7-Eleven on the corner of Massachusetts and 12th Street. See you in twenty minutes." She hung up before she could change her mind.

Harm looked at the dead receiver for a moment before hanging it up. Then he grabbed his keys and headed out.

Fifteen minutes later, he pulled into the 7-Eleven parking lot. Abigail stood waiting near the door. Her honey-blonde hair pulled into a ponytail and the melon color of her sundress complimented her tanned skin.

"Hello, Commander," she said with a smile.

"If we're gonna share Slurpees, I think you need to call me Harm."

"All right, Harm. Call me Abigail. Shall we?" She pulled open the door and preceded him inside. Abigail took a deep breath. He was wearing a pair of dark green nylon running shorts and a lemon yellow tank shirt that did nothing to hide his muscular arms and deep tan. A few tufts of light brown hair teased her from above the rounded neckline of his shirt. What was she thinking? "My treat," she said to Harm, holding up a five-dollar bill. "As long as you can give me a ride home."

Harm smiled. "My pleasure."

Abigail's heart skipped a couple of beats. What was she doing? _You know this man is not saved._ Aaron would get a good laugh at this after all the warnings she gave him about Sarah.

Once they'd gotten their treats, Harm drove Abigail home. They sat in his Corvette, top down, and chatted for what seemed like only a few minutes. Abigail finally bid him goodbye and went inside.

When Harm looked at the clock on the radio, he found, to his surprise, that a good thirty minutes had passed. He shook his head. They had talked about inconsequential things: the weather, the Orioles, Coke versus Pepsi.

It had been a long time since Harm had spent such an easy time with a woman. Any time spent with Mac had come fraught with expectations. For that matter, any time with Renee and Jordan had been the same. Harm definitely wanted to spend more time with Abigail.

But wait...wasn't she a--how had Mac put it?--a believer? Abigail was that pastor's sister. Chances were that she was. And yet, Harm thought, she never once tried to say anything preachy to him. She hadn't tried to steer the conversation toward religion or faith or God. Once again, he remembered the feeling of ease with her and smiled.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

The chill in the November air was in direct contrast to the warmth of the church office.

Mac shrugged out of her overcoat as she headed toward Aaron's office. Her pre-nuptial appointment with Mrs. Wheeler wasn't for another twenty minutes and she wanted to say hello to Aaron.

She knocked lightly on the small square of glass in Aaron's door. Aaron came around the desk to open the door.

"Hi," he said, his face alight.

"Hi." Mac stepped inside and took a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk.

Aaron wiped the palms of his hands on the front of his jeans and turned the other chair to face her and sat down. "I honestly never thought I'd be in this position."

"What are you talking about?" she asked, shaking her head in curiosity.

"Well, normally I do the pre-marriage counseling. And now I'm the one getting married. I can't counsel myself."

"No, I suppose not," she said with a little smile.

"So," he said. "I suppose you're here to talk to Mrs. Wheeler?"

"Yes," she answered, checking her internal clock. "In fifteen minutes."

"All right. Good." He ran his hand through his hair. "I've been talking to Martin Rigby."

Mac leaned forward and put her hands on his knees. "Aaron, what's wrong?"

Aaron jumped at her touch and stared at her hands before looking up into her soft brown eyes. "Um. We need to talk, Sarah. I've got something I need to tell you."

"What is it?" she asked, concern tingeing her voice and furrowing her brow.

"Now's not really the time, Sarah. How about dinner tonight?"

"Sure. You want to come over to my place? I'll cook."

Aaron smiled. "You know I can't do that."

"Can't blame a girl for trying," she replied with a wink.

"Abigail said we could go over to her house. She's cooking and we can talk in her little library. Six-thirty?"

"Okay." Mac was now a little nervous. She stood and moved to the door. "Should I postpone my appointment with Mrs. Wheeler?"

"No, of course not." Aaron walked with her. "I'm sorry for worrying you. I'm just a little nervous about what I have to tell you."

"That doesn't help."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

"I'm sor- " Aaron clamped his mouth shut. "It'll be fine."

Mac raised an eyebrow at him.

"I promise," he said with a smile. "Now go. I'll see you tonight." He reached up cupped her cheek with his hand, lightly running his thumb over her cheek.

She pressed her cheek into his palm. "Bye."

~*~

"Abigail, that was wonderful," Mac said, laying her napkin next to her plate. "I haven't had home made beef stew in ages."

Abigail rose and began collecting the dishes. "It's my pleasure. It's Aaron's favorite childhood dish. I'll give you the recipe later."

"Oh, here, let me help you," Mac offered, grabbing the large pot of stew and following Abigail.

"That's okay, Sarah, I can take care of it," Abigail protested, knowing her brother was anxious to talk to his fiancée. "You two go talk."

"It's the least we can do." Mac looked at Aaron. "She cooked. We can do is help clean up. It won't take that long if we all work together. Is that alright?"

"Of course, it is," Aaron said, with a smile.

Within fifteen minutes, the kitchen was set to rights and the dishwasher was humming.

"Alright, you two, go on, now." Abigail grabbed her cross-stitch and her portable CD player. "I'm going to sit here and listen to my new Michael W. Smith CD and work on this Paula Vaughn sampler." She took a seat in the burgundy Queen Anne chair and switched on the light next to it. "Go on into the library and talk." She slipped on her headphones and pulled the project out of its bag.

Aaron and Mac did as instructed and stepped into Abigail's small library. Aaron pulled the French doors shut behind them. Three of the four walls were lined with books, except for a small square window in one of them. Collectible angel plates framed the French doors. Aaron indicated for Mac to sit in the comfortable armchair while he sat on the matching ottoman.

"Aaron, you're making me very nervous. Why do we need to talk here with your sister as a chaperone? Are you worried that I'm going to try and seduce you again?"

"No, it's not that," he reassured her.

"Are you planning on breaking the engagement and are afraid I'm going to cause a scene?" She was getting really worried now.

"No. Sarah, it's nothing like that. I swear." Aaron took a deep breath. "It's me. I need the chaperone. I need to be kept accountable. Now more than ever."

"You? Why?"

"I've got to practice what I preach, Sarah, and I preach abstinence until marriage. For me, that includes everything from hand-holding to intercourse." Aaron rose and turned away form her, missing the startled expression on her face.

"I guess that explains the lack of physical affection."

"It's the standard I set for myself when I began seminary school. It hasn't been a problem until now. Until I met you. For the first time in my life I'm tempted – almost unbearably so."

"What are you saying? That I'm a tease? I realize that that night in my apartment was, was – "

He whirled back to look at her. "Sarah, no. That's not it at all, I promise. That has been forgiven and forgotten." He ran a hand through his hair. Boy was he screwing this up, big time.

"It's not you, it's me. For all these years, God has blessed my commitment to chastity. I've been able to distance myself physically from women. I haven't had romantic feelings for a woman in a very long time. And I thought that marriage wasn't in the cards for me.

"And then I met you. And now I'm experiencing all these strange feelings and emotions. After that kiss, I ache to hold you in my arms with nothing between us but a sigh." He laughed humorlessly. "Let me tell you, I can fully sympathize with the youth right now."

Mac raised a surprised skeptical eyebrow, but Aaron had turned away.

"At first, I fought my feelings. I mean, you were an unsaved, unwed mother-to-be! I thought I was going crazy. But I prayed and prayed and prayed, and God finally gave me a peace about it. I knew from early on that you were the one."

"How awful for you; all that time I went on and on about Harm," she said, cringing.

"Well, it wasn't so bad. It was just a matter of time. But now, I've got something to tell you. And I'm a little worried about it."

"I can't imagine that you've done anything near as bad as I have," she said.

"Oh, I never said it was bad, now did I?"

"No... you didn't," she acquiesced with a slight shake of her head.

Aaron took a deep breath and turned away from her.

"Come on, Aaron, how hard can it be?" she asked gently.

"It's hard, okay?" He turned back to her. "I'm not ashamed or anything, but a lot of people would consider me strange - or worse – if they knew."

Mac just looked at him, mute, waiting.

Aaron took another breath and blurted, "Sarah, I'm a thirty-eight-year-old virgin."

Her eyes rounded in disbelief. He almost laughed at her stunned expression. "You don't believe me?"

"W-well, of course, I believe you. I mean you certainly wouldn't lie to me." She blinked and shook her head. "I was totally not expecting that."

"It's true, Sarah. I've only had one other serious relationship, but things never went that far. Can you understand why I'm a little worried?"

Mac was quiet for a few moments as she considered the situation. "Because I have experience and you don't, and you're worried that I'll feel unsatisfied or disappointed or, or that I'll compare you and find you lacking in some way."

He nodded. "Yeah, that just about covers it."

"Would it help if I told you how long it's been since I've been with a man? Well, aside from the rape, that is?"

Aaron flinched at her mention of her assault. He knew that calling it something other than what it was didn't change what happened, but he just couldn't bear the thought of it. "Yes. No. I don't know. Sarah, this is serious."

Mac rose and closed the gap between them, placing her hand on his cheek. He didn't pull away from her touch. "I know it is. But I'm not sure how to allay your fears. I've never compared the men I've been with. Ever. I promise."

Aaron nodded, finally pulling away. "Okay," he whispered, then smiled ruefully. "I guess I can try to put a positive spin on it."

"How's that?"

"Well, I've never learned any bad habits. You can teach me everything I need to know about you."

Mac chuckled. "Is there anything else you need to tell me?"

"No, not right now. There's not a whole lot more that you don't already know."

"I worry sometimes, too," she admitted softly.

"About what?"

"Well, you know everything about me..."

"And I fell in love with you anyway," he replied gently.

"I just worry that someday it'll all be too much and that you'll hate me for what I've done – the way I've lived." The tears welled up in her eyes.

"Sarah, that'll never happen. God wouldn't have allowed me to fall in love with you if your past was going to be an issue – which it isn't.

"First of all, you are who you are today because of the things that have happened to you. And second, if God can forgive and forget, then I have to, too. When you accepted Christ, you were forgiven forever. Right?"

She nodded, unable to speak. The tears finally spilled over and ran down her cheeks.

"Sarah, don't," Aaron whispered, reaching out to brush them away. "I want to hold you so bad, Sarah, but I can't. Not yet."

Their gazes held for a long moment until Mac looked away. "I'd better go before temptation gets the better of us both. I love you." She rushed out of the small room, wiping the remaining moisture from her face. "Thank you, Abigail," she said as she grabbed her coat and her purse.

"Are you alright, Sarah?" Abby asked and rose from her chair to follow Mac to the door.

"I'm fine, really. I've got to pick up Sam," she said pulling open the door.

"Okay..." Abigail watched as Mac hurried down the walkway to her car. She felt Aaron behind her. "What did you say to her?"

~*~

"Good morning, Ms. MacKenzie."

"Good morning, Mrs. Stoddard." Mac nodded in greeting, accepting the church program from the other woman. "I have a list of the women's ministries for you, dear. You can choose which ones you are most interested in taking over."

"What are you talking about, Mrs. Stoddard?" she asked.

"Well, once you and Aaron are married, you'll get out of the... Marines, is it?"

Mac nodded, her jaw clenching at the implication.

"And get involved in the church."

"And why would I do that?" Mac asked tersely, but the other woman didn't notice.

"That's the way it works, dear," Mrs. Stoddard explained, patting Mac's arm and handed her the list.

"I see..." She accepted the sheet of paper and stalked to the nursery to get Sam. How dare she...

Mac handed her nursery ID card to Mrs. Johnson.

"So, Ms. MacKenzie," said Mrs. Johnson sweetly, "I suppose that you're getting anxious to get married and give Sam a brother or sister – not to mention giving Aaron his very own child."

"Well, I hadn't really thought about it, Mrs. Johnson," she hedged. Warning bells tinkled in the back of her mind.

"Pastor Aaron is wonderful with the little ones. You know he does nursery duty once a month for the ladies Bible study, don't you? He'll make a wonderful father, dear."

Mac nodded. Aaron was great with Sam.

"I'm sure the military will be sad to see you go," the elderly woman continued.

"It's not that easy, Mrs. Johnson," Mac said. "I really have to leave. May I have Sam, please?"

"Of course, dear, I'm sorry. He's such a sweetie." Mrs. Johnson handed Mac the diaper bag and then passed Sam over the safety gate.

"Thank you," Mac said with a hard edge to her voice that went right over Mrs. Johnson's head.

Mac and Sam were headed for the car when Mrs. Rigby waylaid them. Mac groaned.

"Woo-hoo! Ms. MacKenzie!" Eleanor Rigby called, waving at hand at Mac.

Mac stopped and waited for the woman to catch up. "What can I do for you, Mrs. Rigby?"

"Well, Sarah, dear," she began importantly, "I know Aaron would never say anything, but you realize that he expects you to quit the Marines and take a larger role in the church."

"Is that so?" Mac asked, her patience wearing very thin by this time.

"Well, of course, dear. It's the way the church has always worked."

"Really?"

"Well, yes," said Mrs. Rigby, now a little less certain of her intent.

"And how is it that you know Aaron's feeling on the matter and I don't?" Mac asked pointedly.

Mrs. Rigby caught Mac's snapping brown eyes. "Um, well... It's just that, uh, woman was created to be a helpmate for her man. And, uh, your place should be beside him."

"I see." Mac shifted Sam from one hip to the other. "Well, let me tell you something, Mrs. Rigby: from now on please call me Ms. MacKenzie or Colonel MacKenzie, or Mrs. Vawter – whichever is appropriate. And don't ever presume to dictate the parameters of my life or my marriage or my career again. If you'll excuse me." Mac whirled around and hurried to the car before anyone else could stop her.

"Well, I never..." Mrs. Rigby was left gaping after Mac disappearing vehicle. Once Mac's car was gone from her sight, Eleanor went in search of her husband.

~*~

"When she got home, Mac called Abigail and told her she wouldn't make fellowship group that afternoon.

"Is everything alright, Sarah?"

"Not really, Abigail. I don't have the right attitude, right now."

"Alright... What should I tell Aaron?"

"Tell him not to come after me. I'm going out," she said. "See you later."

For lack of anyplace better to go, Mac ended up at JAG HQ. She flashed her ID badge to the gate guard and headed for the second floor. Sam slept peacefully in his stroller, so Mac pushed him into her office.

She wandered around the silent bullpen and contemplated her life there. For so long now, this place had been her life. But now, in a few weeks time, her life would be taking a dramatic turn.

She couldn't image not being a part of this place, but perhaps it was time to seriously consider separating when her enlistment was up next year.

Sam was still sleeping when Mac peeked in on him, so she wandered into Harm's office. The faint scent of his cologne lingered in the air. There was a time when that smell would send her heart racing. Now it only evoked warm memories.

She smiled at the model Stearman on the shelf and trailed her fingers lightly across the wings. She remembered the hours spent in the air with Harm, the freedom of flying, the freedom to enjoy his company without worrying about who was watching, the freedom to love him without having to hide it from anyone but him.

Her smile faded. And now, after everything, she was going to marry someone else.

"Mac?" called a familiar voice quietly from the door.

She started and turned around. "Harm."

"Are you okay? What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude."

"I meant here at JAG. Don't you have a thing on Sunday afternoons?"

She nodded. "I could ask you the same thing."

He shrugged. "I forgot a file. The Sprague court-martial."

"Oh." She nodded slowly.

"Mac, what's going on?"

"Well, sorry to disappoint you. The wedding is still on," she said, a little more sarcastically than she'd meant to.

"Give me a little credit here, would you?" he asked, hurt.

Mac wilted. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'm just mad and out of sorts. Three different ladies made comments at church this morning. They all expect me to get out of the Corps and play Little Suzie Homemaker."

"Ouch." Harm could sympathize. He knew just how much her life in the Marines was a part of who she now was.

"Yeah... I mean, the six weeks I was home with Sam was the longest and most boring six weeks of my life."

Harm raised an eyebrow.

"You know what I mean. Aside from the time spent with Sam, but he slept so much when he was first born."

"What does Aaron say?" Harm asked gently.

She shrugged.

"You haven't talked to him yet?"

Mac shook her head.

"Mac."

"What, Harm?" she asked a little defensively.

"For all intents and purposes you are no longer single. It's probably a decision that only you can really make, but you need to discuss it with your husband-to-be. Your decision, either way, affects him, too."

"I know," she said.

"Then what's the problem?"

"Old habits die hard I guess," she grinned at him. "I told off the last woman who made a comment. And I'm pretty sure Aaron knows about the incident by now, and I just wasn't ready to face him yet and came running here... to you."

"Mac," he said softly, opening his arms to her.

She went to him and felt safe and secure in the warmth of his embrace. She chuckled. He must have just showered; his cologne was at full strength, but it had no effect on her what so ever. Her heartbeat remained on pace.

She listened to the strong, steady beat of Harm's heart for a few moments before pulling away. "Thanks, Harm." She laid a gentle hand on his stubbled cheek. "I'd better go."

Harm listened to the elevator ding. His shoulders sagged a bit as the doors closed. If he had been a praying man, he would have petitioned the Lord to keep her at JAG just a little longer.

They only tie they had left was JAG. If she left now, there'd be a gaping hole in his life he knew nothing would ever fill.

~*~

Aaron pulled open the front door. "Sarah, what's wrong? Are you all right? Where's Sam?"

"Sam is the sitter's house and I'm fine. As for what's going on, can I come in?"

"Well..."

"Aaron, I'm not going to jump your bones, but I don't think the front porch is the place to have this conversation."

Aaron raised an eyebrow at her. "Alright," he said, still reluctant. "I got a call from Martin Rigby this afternoon."

"I'm not surprised," she said, moving into the living room.

"Eleanor was a little upset about your confrontation this morning," he said, following her.

"I'm a little upset about our confrontation this morning," Mac countered. "In fact, I had the same basic conversation three times this morning." She held up three fingers to make her point. "At least, Mrs. Rigby came right out with what was on her mind instead of making some innuendo."

"What are you talking about?" Aaron asked, now a little confused.

"I was basically told today that once you and I are married, you and everybody else in the church expects me to get out of the Marine Corps, get more involved in the church, and start cranking out your own babies for you." She stood there slightly defiant with her hands on her hips.

"What? You're kidding?" Aaron raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"No. I'm not kidding. And after being 'deared' to death by all three women, I was fed up and I told Mrs. Rigby how to address me. And not only that, I pretty much told her to mind her own business."

"Sarah, you didn't." It wasn't a question, really. He knew she had.

"Well, of course, I did," she replied. "It's nobody's business but ours."

"That's not exactly true, Sarah."

"What do you mean, Aaron?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him in annoyance.

"I'm the pastor. I lead by example. To a certain degree, my life is an open book to my parishioners."

"Great! Does that mean they get to know how many times we make love on our honeymoon?"

"Of course not. Now, you're being ridiculous."

"Is that so?"

"Sarah, please..."

"Do you expect me to start cranking out babies?" she asked, now belligerent.

Aaron knew he was walking on eggshells here. Not because he was wrong, but because the very thing that made her who she was being threatened. "Only if you want to. So know this: if the only child you ever give me is Sam, I'll die a happy man."

That softened her a bit. "What about me getting more involved in the church?"

"That's entirely up to you. Although, I hope you'll wait. You know, I'm the envy of every man between the ages of thirteen and ninety-three. Why would I want my hot babe of a wife to give up the uniform that makes her the beauty that she is?

"Oh, that is so not true!" she denied, a pretty blush staining her cheeks."

"It so is. Besides, I want us to have some time together before you go jumping feet first into serving or having any more babies."

That did it. "Really?"

"Really." He said and smiled. "Now. About Mrs. Rigby..."

Mac just groaned.


	13. Chapter 13

The garter had been removed and thrown; the bouquet had been tossed. Through a haze of bubbles, the newlyweds headed for the waiting limousine.

The drive from the Ritz Carlton to the Hay Adams was quiet. Mac sat across Aaron's lap as they shared hungry kisses. "You are so beautiful, Sarah," Aaron whispered, caressing her cheek. "I can't believe we're finally married. When you came down that aisle..."

Aaron swallowed hard as Mac stepped into the aisle. Their gazes met across the sanctuary and held until the congregation stood and broke the connection. The music began and Sarah's uncle Matt initiated their measured procession down the aisle. The guests smiled as she passed.

"Who gives this woman to be married?" asked the officiating pastor. Scott Parker was a close friend of Aaron's from their college days and had agreed to marry them.

"Her uncle, Matthew O'Hara," Uncle Matt said, chest puffed out proudly.

Mac smiled up at him and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you, Uncle Matt."

"I love you, Sarah," he whispered back. He placed her hand into Aaron's and stepped back to take a seat in the front pew next to Admiral Chegwidden and Bud.

The rest of the ceremony passed in a blur for Aaron until it came time for the kiss. He listened with half an ear as Scott performed the ceremony. He spoke when prompted, but his mind remained focused on the woman in front of him.

The blush color of her empire gown heightened the flush on her cheeks. The high waist emphasized her generous curves to almost distracting degree and the soft velvet of the bodice made his hands itch to touch it. The long chiffon skirt whispered teasingly around her long legs.

"By the powers vested in me by the District of Columbia, I now pronounce you man and wife."

Finally...

"Aaron, you may kiss your bride."

With an index finger, Aaron traced a path along the velvet neckline of Mac's gown. He smiled at her intake of breath. "You're glowing," he whispered in her ear.

She smiled and kissed him again before sliding off his lap and onto the seat next to him. This was the second time she'd been told she was glowing...

Mac smiled up at Sturgis as he approached the bride's table. He asked Aaron of he could dance with her. Aaron agreed with a smile of his own.

"You're a beautiful bride, Mac," Sturgis said as he escorted her to the dance floor.

"Thanks, Sturgis," she replied happily and moved into his arms.

They danced in silence for a few moments before Sturgis spoke. "Do you still wonder why?" he asked referring to her rape and subsequent pregnancy over a year ago.

She shook her head. "No."

"Can I be so bold as to say that I think things have worked out exactly as they were supposed to?"

"Why do you say that?" she asked curiously.

"Remember when you accidentally told me you were in love with a certain Navy commander?"

Mac blushed, but nodded, remembering that slip of the tongue so long ago.

"For all your certainty that you were in love with Harm, you didn't have the glow you do now," Sturgis told her.

"Really?" she asked, a pleased flush staining her cheeks.

Sturgis nodded. "Really. Even Harm noticed it. Ever since you fell in love with Aaron. I can pinpoint the week if you like."

Mac laughed out loud. "That's okay," she said. "I think I know when it was."

The song ended and Sturgis returned Mac to her husband.

The limousine pulled to a stop in front of the Hay Adams Hotel. The driver came about and opened the door them. A bellhop was already waiting for them and escorted them directly upstairs.

"Allow me, Mrs. Vawter," Aaron said scooping Mac into his arms.

The bellhop opened the door of the bridal suite and carried in their luggage. Aaron carried Mac into the room and settled her onto the elevated four-poster bed. Aaron offered the young bellhop a healthy tip and dismissed him.

Mac looked around the sumptuous room. There was soft green and ivory toile at the windows and on the bed. The walls were ivory with white molding around the windows and doors. Mac slid off the bed onto the luxurious moss colored carpet and padded over to the fireplace. "Aaron this is lovely," she said, her eyes shining with delight.

"Only the best for you, my love," he said, coming up behind her and enveloping her in his arms. He placed a gentle kiss on the nape of her neck causing her to shiver. "We're finally alone," he murmured.

She turned in his arms and they shared another lingering kiss. When it ended, they were both breathing heavily.

"Sarah..." Aaron whispered raggedly. He unzipped her gown; ready for the moment he'd been dreaming of for months.

"Aaron, wait--" she said, breathlessly.

"What's wrong?" he asked, slightly concerned.

She smiled. "Nothing's wrong. It's just that I've been planning this for awhile. I bought a gown. I want to wear it for you on our wedding night."

As eager as he was for their union, he could deny her nothing. Her first wedding night had been nothing more than a drunken grope session. He was bound and determined to erase every bad memory he could and replace them with beautiful romantic ones. "Of course. You go."

She gathered her toiletries and a small flat box from her suitcase and hurried into the bathroom.

"God bless you, Grandmother," he whispered upwardly, thankful for the trust fund she'd set up for him many years ago. "And thank You, Lord." Aaron adjusted the fire and moved about the suite turning off the lamps, but leaving the wall sconces turned down as low as they would go. And thank goodness for dimmer switches, he thought. He was still a little nervous, but he wanted to see his bride as they made love for the first time.

Once the mood was set, Aaron grabbed a pair of pajamas from his own suitcase. The burgundy paisley print against the navy colored silk reminded him of something...a tie. Harm's tie....

He's nervous, thought Aaron, watching Harm roll the end of his tie through his fingers as he approached them.

"Congratulations," Harm said to the couple. He offered a hand to Aaron. "You're a lucky man."

"Yes, I am," Aaron agreed seriously, realizing this was no time to joke or wisecrack with the other man.

"Would you mind if I had a dance with Mac?"

Aaron deferred to her. "Sarah?"

She nodded and accepted Harm's outstretched elbow. They walked to the parquet dance floor in silence.

Aaron watched as Mac rested contentedly in her friend's embrace. They danced easily for awhile. Aaron stiffened when he saw Mac look up into Harm's face and try to pull away. Harm held her fast and whatever he said appeased her because she settled back into his arms.

Aaron thought they looked comfortable together. Maybe a little too comfortable. He was on the verge of interrupting when Admiral Chegwidden approached.

"Don't worry about them, Mr. Vawter. They're just saying good-bye. Harm's too honorable to have an affair with a married woman--even if the woman were interested."

Aaron nodded uncertainly but said, "I know."

The two men kept their eyes on the bride and her best friend. Mac's smile faltered and Aaron watched her reach up and cup Harm's cheek. Harm gently kissed her palm and then wiped away tears that Aaron hadn't seen and continued speaking to her. He made to move to break this up right now, but the admiral stopped him again.

"You don't have anything to worry about," he said.

"He's making her cry. It's our wedding day, Sir. Her tears should be happy, not sad," Aaron replied.

"I understand your concerns, Mr. Vawter, but trust me she'll be fine. She knows how to handle him," Admiral Chegwidden remarked. "And besides, you don't know that they're not happy tears."

Despite his desire to break them up physically, he stayed where he was. He didn't want to make a scene. Harm continued talking to Mac for a just a few more seconds. She finally pulled away, even though the music still played, and this time Harm let her go.

She placed a gentle kiss on his cheek and then turned to Aaron and walked toward him, a loving smile on her face.

"Are you okay, Sarah?" he asked when she reached him.

The admiral slipped away unnoticed by the either the bride or the groom.

"I'm fine," she said. "Come on." She reached for his hand and pulled him out to the dance floor, settling herself into her husband's arms.

She looked up into Aaron's stormy eyes, detecting a lot of worry and a little jealousy. "You have nothing to worry about. Not now, not ever," she reassured him. "It's you I love the way a wife loves her husband."

He nodded taking in her bright eyes and glowing skin. "I know, Sarah." They shared a long look before being drawn together in a heated kiss.

Aaron shook his head to clear the memory. What was she doing in there anyhow?

Mac carefully stripped off her gown and laid it across the chaise lounge. She moved over to the vanity and gazed at herself in the large oval mirror. She could see the sparkle in her eyes and the high spots of color on her cheeks. She broke into a smile. Lieutenant Colonel Sarah "Mac" MacKenzie was gone and Mrs. Sarah Vawter, wife and mother, had taken her place. It had been a gradual change over the last several months, but the final transformation had been the moment her husband had kissed her to seal the deal.

Only she hadn't known it then. It was only when she'd danced with Harm that the realization hit home...

He's was wearing the tie she'd given him. He's nervous, too. She couldn't believe he was wearing the tie she'd given him the year she was engaged to Mic. Mac remembered giving it to him. Mic had not been pleased, but Harm was her partner and her best friend, after all. He had to have a gift. But she compromised and bought him an impersonal tie. She'd always regretted it.

"Sarah?" Aaron passed Harm's question to her. Harm must want to dance. At least, she hopeed that was why he was here. Mac nodded and reached out to accept Harm's charcoal gray elbow. They said nothing as they walked to the dance floor.

She swung into his arms and settled easily into his embrace, almost as if it were her place. They danced for a few moments. Mac jumped slightly when Harm began to sing in her ear.

"Oh, how you sparkle; and oh, how you shine, the flush on your cheeks is more than the w—"

Mac tried to pull out of his embrace. "Harm..."

He looked down at her, his eyes sad. "Mac, please. Just listen."

She looked at him for a long moment before she nodded and allowed him to hold her close again.

Mac relaxed in his embrace and listened to his soft voice in her ear.

"He must do something that I didn't do. Whatever he's doing, it looks good on you. You look so good in love. You want him, that's easy to see...

"He must have stolen the stars from the sky, and gave them to you to wear in your eyes. I had my chances, but I set you free. And now I wonder why I couldn't see... You look so good in love. You want him, that's easy to see..."

Mac's smile faltered and tears welled up in her eyes. She reached up and placed a gentle hand on his cheek. Harm covered her hand with his own and raised it to place a soft kiss on her palm and then soaked up her tears with a forefinger. "Be happy, Sarah," he whispered.

Finally, she pulled away, gently disengaging herself from his arms. With a gentle kiss on his cheek, she walked away from her past and turned to look at her present and her future, a warm smile on her face.

The slight knock startled her out of her musings. "Sarah, are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm fine," she said. "I'll be right out." She pulled her wedding underclothes off and slipped the black satin and lace scrap over her head. She looked at her reflection and sighed a contented, happy sigh. It had been the day of her dreams. And waiting for her, in the other room, was the man of her dreams.

She pulled open the door and allowed Aaron his first glimpse of all of her.

"Wow..." he whispered.

Mac walked over to her husband and slipped her arms around his neck. His arm closed around her waist in response. "I'm sorry I kept you waiting."

"It was well worth it," he murmured against her mouth. Now that they were alone, Aaron allowed his passion free reign. He scooped her up once more and carried her to the bed.

~*~

Aaron rolled over and looked into the bright eyes of his bride. A wave of joy surged through him and he smiled. "Good morning, Mrs. Vawter."

"Good morning, my husband," she replied. "Last night was astonishing."

Aaron blushed. "I'm glad you're pleased," he replied. "What time is it?"

"Zero seven thirty-six," she said her eyes never leaving his.

"I knew I married you for a reason," Aaron teased.

"Is that the only one?" she asked, a delicious pout on her lips.

"Praise God, no," he said seriously. "I married you because you are an intelligent..." He kissed her. "...gorgeous..." He kissed her again. "...sexy woman."

"Oh, I see," she whispered into his mouth. "And you are a very wonderful man. I love you, Aaron."

"Ah, Sarah, sweeter words I've never heard." They lay together quietly wrapped in each other's arms.

The End


End file.
